2012 NFL Predictions – Week 6, “Thursday” Edition

Most years about this time, I start to whisper, “Wow, it’s already week six, this year is going by too fast!” This year, however, it’s more like, “Is it over yet?” Translation – it is getting tougher with each passing year to enjoy the NFL. The several reasons for this, but at the forefront is the reality that the league is watered down with essentially random results week in and week out. That makes it tough to be successful handicapper, fantasy player or pool participant.

Sunday afternoon I texted a buddy this message, “If I go 0-5 this week, I think I’m be done with football.” Turns out, I went 1-4, but the fact remains, I almost called it a career before finding some fire to help me move forward this week. Still, I was close. Someday, I envision myself running a rehab center for addicted fans of football – the name of the center “One Game At A Time.”

And by “calling it a career”, I mean freaking going “cold turkey” without any peripheral football – no Sunday Ticket, no NFL rewind, no football related subscriptions, no picks columns, no picks, no bets, no pools and no fantasy. Well to be honest I have about 278 reasons why fantasy football is gone after this year regardless of whether I retire or not, but you get the idea, I would watch occasionally, but watch for the purity of the game, which would put all the power back in my hands.

I no longer sit through a crappy performance by my team just because they are the final play on a three team teaser. It wouldn’t take me nince hours to vacuum a house that normally takes 1.5 hours (humble brag, right! Yeah, I live in a mansion that normally takes 90 minutes to vacuum), I wouldn’t have to watch an otherwise unwatchable Monday night game because I have fantasy player X going against fantasy player Y. And I wouldn’t have to spend the time I spend on this freaking sport!

Some day very soon, you might show up on this site to see what teams you want to fade for the week and see the following:

I’M OUT THIS BITCH!

OK, enough about me, on to the game:

Pittsburgh (-6.0) @ Tennessee – The NFL changed the Rashard Mendenhall rushing touchdown to a receiving touchdown this week. Real nice, thanks, NFL. The effects of this monumental change will be felt for years to come as all fantasy league commissioners scurry to update the week 5 stat changes. In one of my leagues a two games will be affected where both winning teams will see a win snatched from their helpless hands. Great, I already had to sweat the Sunday and Monday night games, now I have to wait out the NFL until Thursday to make sure I get the win.

The ridiculous part of this change is that it was obvious that it was a touchdown pass in live action and even more apparent on the replay, how did it get by the officials? I thought the “real” refs were back. Honestly, the real ref vs. scab ref is a little like trying to tell the difference between New Coke and Classic Coke. If I am a ardent Classic Coke drinker and you put a can of New Coke in front of me, I would rather go thirsty than drink that crap. But if you blindfold me and give it to me, I couldn’t tell the difference. That’s pretty much how I feel about the scabs and the regular refs, don’t tell me and, for goodness sake, don’t let them speak and I probably couldn’t tell the difference.

  1. Rashard Mendenhall looked fantastic last weekend, so much that I actually might recommend suffering a torn ACL in week 16 of the previous season. Kidding, kidding, but he looks faster and shifter than ever. Of course, that might be the Jonathon Dwyer and Isaac Redman effect as well.
  2. We know the weapons the Steelers have on the outside, but don’t forget about Heath Miller tonight. In fact if you have a chance to play a few props, I would strongly recommend Miller for 1st touchdown, over 45 yards and “Yes” he will score a touchdown. The Titans can’t cover anyone, but they are atrocious against the tight end.

  3. The Titans might be the worst team in the NFL, but their emotionally leader, Chris Johnson, commented this week:

    “We need somebody in this locker room to make plays and give us a spark.”

    Uh, you mean somebody like you? I mean CJ_K the Titans have all that money tied up in you, I think they expect you to make plays and give them a spark. Wow, totally clueless. If I am Titans ownership, I would be willing to give Titans coach Mike Munchak another year sans CJ_K. I have to believe CJ_K is impacting the morale and chemistry of a very young team. In fact, the Titans would be better off just cutting his lousy ass right now.

  4. Matt Hasselbeck has been a solid quarterback to back as the starter for a home team underdog over his career, but this is not the Seattle Hasselbeck, this is the “I am hanging on for a paycheck while trying to mentor a young guy into a great quarterback, so I can someday land a head coaching job and continue to be the favorite son over my d-bag brother who is a self proclaimed fantasy football expert, yet somehow pops is favoring him because he gave him Alfred Morris as a sleeper this year” Hasselbeck. Remember, when Michael Jordan went to the Wizards? Albeit smaller scale, but just as big of a drop-off.
  5. The only way the Steelers don’t cover this number is if they come out flat. I don’t see that happening. Why? Well, while it might be might be thin, I checked out Roethlisberger’s biorhythm chart for 10/12/2012. Here it is:

The above shows Roethlisberger is ready to peak physically, which is good news. He is also very high emotionally, which will allow him to withstand the numerous “you’re a raper” taunts. Unfortunately, Big Ben’s intellect is so far down that if given the Wonderlich test before the game tonight, Vince Young might look like a genius. I have a solution for that – don’t let Ben call the plays or audible. Ben never calls the plays, so that part is a non factor. In terms of audibling, the Titans won’t present anything overly complicated nor present much resistance, therefore, even poor decisions by Big Ben likely won’t cost the Steelers.

Pick: Pittsburgh -6.0

Disclaimer: I use the LVH Lines from vegasinsider.com. The Super Contest lines are not live, but instead are set and held the entire week. In cases where I’ve made a contest pick, I will use that line, as opposed to the current line. Yeah, it’s a bit of a cheat and you wouldn’t be able to get that line once you’ve printed out my picks to head to the betting window but in the rare event that I win a contest bet but caught in the middle on a live play, rest assured I will adjust my record.

A Fantasy Football Draft Day Running Log – Part II “Sizzling” Edition

OK, it’s on to PART II, trust me here the sequel is much better than the original, of the marathon 2-day running log capturing the excitement and pageantry of two live fantasy football drafts. This year features the 20 year anniversary of one of leagues with draft held in the fabulous outer layer of hell, Las Vegas. And as always Colin’s here to detail the events, while providing his expert opinion in calling the fantasy winners and losers.

With the first, painful leg of the journey finally over, we are on to the second portion including the details of the travel and the lead up to the draft.

12:05 PM – Home, packed and ready for an early morning flight to Vegas. I am re-watching the Seahawks battering of the Chiefs. Maybe I should re-think the Chiefs as my surprise winner of the AFC West or maybe the Seahawks are simply that good. I think the latter.

5:00 AM – I am running on adrenaline with a mere five hours of sleep. Shower, protein shake, grab my gear and I am off. My ride has graciously brought me an 800 calorie breakfast burrito. Good move by him, sometimes you can forget to eat in Vegas which generally means trouble.

8:15 AM – Flights on time, so far everything working like clockwork, good sign for bringing down a few blackjack tables prior to showing up for the draft. Hell, there might be enough time to do enough damage to get something comp’d prior to the draft.

8:30 AM – You know what pisses me off? The fact that I have to turn off my phone prior to takeoff, but I can use the $800/minute phone they provide to us. Goodness, if my device can interfere with the plane’s ability to take off, maybe we shouldn’t be flying, right? And if it screws up the flight plan and we end up in Billings, Montana, well then, I guess this draft just wasn’t meant to be.

10:30 AM – Bags checked at the hotel, on our way to the LVH to get down on some football futures and maybe enter the LVH SuperContest. LVH used to be known as the Las Vegas Hilton, but I guess the self righteous pricks running the Hilton decided they no longer wanted their name associated with gambling and pulled out (which makes me think of Terrell Owens and his ten kids. Bro, if you just pulled out half the time, think of how much of that coin you would have left!). To which the owners decided to stick it to the Hilton by renaming the hotel to LVH, essentially the same thing, only now it’s the Las Vegas Hotel. Well played, LVH, well played!

11:15 AM – I used to believe only degenerates bet on pre-season football, now I realize that the sports market is about value and it doesn’t matter whether it’s pre-season. By the way, I just laid $100 down on the WNBA Sun/Mercury under!

11:45 AM – Going for an entry in the SuperContest with a five team two way round robin and two first half NFL bets, which of course they won’t let you parlay. The first halves – Wash -3 over Indy (RG III v. Luck, in what I call the “Mine’s bigger than yours” bowl) and Dallas -3 over St. Louis (in what I like to call the “Free Money” bowl, because you know books love to give money away). The five teams on the round robin – Wash -3, Wash/Ind over 41, Dal -5.5, Dal/St. Louis Under 39 and Detroit -2.5 over Oakland. I don’t like the Lions, because I generally feel like home teams in week three play to win, but let’s go with it.

1:00PM – Oh the irony, I ran into a guy from Colorado, who is in town for a fantasy draft. Hmmm, interesting! After he told me how much his draft sucks, too time consuming, tired of traveling, hates Vegas,etc, he went into the story of how they decided to do the 25th in Vegas about five years ago. I thought, wow, after I did a simple calculation in my head, this must be the 30th then. I asked him, “What year is this, then?” He tells me it’s the 26th! Huh? I give him a confused look, to which he tells me, “no we came up for our 20th, now it’s a ritual.” Then I asked him why the draft sucks, he tells me, “Well, it blows traveling for a draft. And we basically just get a room, an over-priced room and that’s it. We could do that in Denver.” Ahh, I get it and I agree, right? If you go to Vegas for a draft it has to be memorable. All this happened during a piss break.

1:15 PM – This is a whirlwind trip to begin with, now we are casino hopping trying find a place to hammer out a few hundred prior to meeting at the draft. A couple things don on me as we are walking down the Strip – 1. This place is quite tame during the day, almost like a real city that you could actually enjoy. You never know at night it turns into a living hell!; and 2. It’s hot, like crazy hot. I thought how the hell do people go out in this heat walk from casino to casino, then sit down at a table to gamble without smelling like the unmapped floor of a peepshow? Actually, I am wondering if maybe that could be a strategy I should employ, like maybe I could throw the dealer off their game if I reek of BO, at the worst I would certainly get rid of the piss poor players. Maybe we should do a few 40 yard sprints prior to heading into the casino, then while still profusely sweating drain a polish dog with extra onions. Why wouldn’t that work? In the opposite case, if I am winning the pit bosses pull out any and all tricks possible to get me off my game, why can’t I turn the tables on those jags?

130PM – We decide against the sprints and head to The Paris to hammer out a few hundred in the last hour before meeting at the draft. I wander around the tables looking for my mark, but the tables are full of “groups” of friends and I don’t want to bust into a group that has been winning and have them start losing. So I wander and wander and throw away $60 on video poker and wander. Finally, we grab a couple seats at a $15 table with a 6-deck shoe. Twenty minutes later, I tell my buddy, “I love those $100 bottles of water”. I can’t escape fast enough, I feel I like I just spent the night in a French jail with two ex-cons who were captured after a failed escape attempt, For the record, I was the girl! Fortunately for us a successfully day of football investing will give us our needed stake for the SuperContest, so the table gambling is a mere luxurious sideshow. Time to head back to the hotel to check-in and relax while watching the Skins man-handle the Colts.

2:15 PM – The Skins and Colts are tied with 2 minutes remaining in the half, but the Skins have the ball at the Colts 30. I allow myself the luxury of uttering the words, “Worst case scenario, we got a push!” Are you kidding me, Colin? It’s like I got to Vegas and lost sight of sports investing rules, like rule #1 “never, ever say worst case scenario unless it truly is the worst case scenario”! Fortunately, I didn’t anger whatever gods exist in this place. And the Skins score a touchdown right before half to cash our first ticket.

3:00 PM – An hour until the draft starts, time for some pre-draft mingling at the bar in the place where the draft will take place. The mingling turns into business quickly as Fearsome Foursome and Beef Gravy All-Stars swing a deal for the number one overall pick. Fearsome gets the #1 overall pick and #28 overall pick (last pick in the second round), while Gravy gets the #7 and #17. I can tell Gravy likes the deal as the two gladiators shake on it. Fearsome gives me his take on the deal, “With the keepers in this league, #7 is no man’s land. It’s like Forte, Lynch or Charles time. If I knew I could get McFadden or Brees there, I wouldn’t budge but as I see it there is no way. And if I am left to choose, I will screw it up. Now I go Ray Rice. And the player I will get at #28 is likely just as good as #17 anyway.” Fair enough, let’s see how it plays out.

3:45 PM – Slowly everyone begins arriving. One big difference between the draft last night and today, as well as the previous year’s drafts in this league, everyone seems genuinely happy to be here, like they’re free from worldly constraints, if only for an afternoon. It’s simple, it’s Vegas, the drink that goes down smooth every time but comes out the next day key a jagged key!

4:00 PM – We make our way into the draft room like we are celebrities. Yikes, it’s smaller than I expected. And there are these damn A-Frame beams sticking out that just about dislocated my shoulder upon walking into the room. The first pick hasn’t been made and I might already be out for 4-6 weeks.

4:05 PM – Computer problems, space problems and BAM! – we have our first Vegas induced blowup. The commish and DA BOYZ go at it. I quickly scurry to the whiteboard to set the following odds (hell, I need to make up for that abortion at the blackjack tables):

The Commish punches someone in the face at any point during the draft: Yes – +800 NO -1200, probably, uh, not going to happen but he was close there. The one thing I am pretty certain has never happened in this league is a fist fight. Now that would be fun!

We lose an owner before the first pick is made: Yes +500 NO -750, much more likely given the exchange and the personalities involved.

The Commish strangles the “I/T” guy trying to get the display on the big screen: Yes +140 NO -160, this frustration is going to come to a violent head, it might as well be the guy who should be able to but can’t figure out how to get the display working.

4:10 PM – Whew! Crisis adverted, commish and DZ BOYZ are now making out in the backroom! I felt along it was just pent up sexual tension; let’s give them a few minutes!

4:20 PM – I’ve done some digging on the blow-up; here are the details, in chorological order beginning at last year’s draft – 1. During the 19th season draft, the Commish decides to have Vegas draft for 20th; 2. I come up with glorious plan to celebrate shortly after last year’s draft; 3. Planning begins, but buy in is low, commish hears about travel costs, room costs, costs, costs, costs. Commish at about a five, where ten is bye-bye aortic valve. At the 4:05PM post, the commish was running at a 12 but somehow the body amazingly was prepared; 4. It is apparent that costs are prohibitive to do anything more than rent a room, to which the commish takes on the responsibility to do, when someone, who shall remain nameless, gets bored with planning a plain-jane draft. Now it’s all on the commish and there is more complaining about costs, costs, costs and time and costs; 5. Commish settles everything, sends everything to league owners and, yep you guessed more complaining. Commish now considering double homicide and ensuing jail time, as a viable alternative to planning the draft; 6. Draft day arrives, commish holding steady at a 9 with aortic valve damaged but functional; 7. Commish is greeted with more complaining and TICK, TICK, TICK – BOOOOOOOOMB. Yup, that about sums it up.

4:30 PM – The commish asks everyone to give a little speech about their fondest memory of the league.

Fearsome Foursome – a trade that went horribly bad; partnered with another owner before that owner couldn’t take him trying to control everything. That was his joke, I know lame!

DA BOYZ – winning the league despite having a team that couldn’t carry the jock of Fearsome Foursome

Weekend Warriors – a trade that went horribly right, Larry Johnson, to hear him tell it, “he just needed a fill in player for a week, give me Larry Johnson for Amani Toomer” Priest Holmes gets hurt, LJ scores 18 touchdowns in 8 weeks, WW wins league easily. Fearsome just told me that he would go watch games with WW on Sundays and every score update was one of his players scoring and when it wasn’t he acted like someone kicked his dog; according to Fearsome, his players couldn’t score if given 7 opportunities from inside the one. “That was a magical year for him” – FF

Ragin Asian – Enjoys the draft, the bond with fellow owners.

Deamons – Winning the first season out, like this is easy! And looks forward to August more than any other time of year.

Holy Crap, it’s getting dusty in here. Man up, already!

Desert Girlies – Winning the Super Bowl twice.

Hawks – Enjoy the group, the draft and their championship.

Avengers – The Bills of the fantasy league, until finally breaking through and winning in 2009. Still enjoys the league immensely.

Sidewinders –Memories of the early days when teamed with Beef Gravy, not making the playoffs and not winning once they did. Looks forward to the league draft, it’s the highlight of his year, means the world to them. Liken Beef to Anakin, himself to Obi-Wan. I can see him as Obi-Wan, specifically the fight between Obi-Wan and Vader, where Obi-Wan waiting forever to swing his light saber at Vader thus giving Vader an opening that he didn’t neglect. Now if only we can implement that into this draft.

Beef Gravy All-Stars – So close so many times, feels he is on the verge. Referenced Ricky Bobby, “If you ain’t first then you last!”

Chefs – King of toilet bowl. “Real memories”, “Christmas in August”, goodness don’t let Wal-Mart hear that, they will have fake trees up in May. Helps him stay connected!

Convicts – Best memories were the previously brought up trades and the four rings, wants one for the thumb this year. Also, brought up bad moves that still sting – the aforementioned LJ trade and dropping MeMarco Murray prior to Murrary rushing for a country mile against, yup you guessed it, the Rams!

Junk Yard Dogs – Starting in the league just to help out a guy named Scott Carlson, then ended up taking over the team when Scott decided to retire. Also, mentioned that he appreciates the “hard time Bill gives him every year”.

4:39 PM – I can’t let the JYD memory go without some comments of my own – 1. Several owners gave a hearty thanks to Scott Carlson for leaving and bequeathing the team to JYD; and 2. This is a guy who frequently uses a gay voice that would make Richard Simmons seem like Jack Palance, what’s this “hard time” deal. Wait, I don’t want to know, that’s their business.

4:40 PM – Wait, do we finally have the display working? I thought maybe so because a fellow owner made a crack about the commish visiting a website called biggirls.com. OK, I think the commish is back to normal. I cringed when I heard the comment, thinking that it might light the fuse again, only this time he would turn into Nic Cage in Leaving Las Vegas and start turning over tables!

4:50 PM – 50 minutes into the draft and nary a pick. But hey it’s Vegas, where we have all the time in the world, right? Or at least until our money runs out. There are very few places that can turn rational thinking people into an irrational, impulsive mutant upon stepping off the plane, but Vegas is definitely one of them. Amsterdam is another. Hey, maybe if you secretly don’t like the commish, suggest that next year we have the draft in Amsterdam.

4:51 PM – And the first pick is . . . Ray Rice.

4:53 PM – Sidewinders on the clock – oh my, only 30 seconds. Crap, maybe this guy has a hooker waiting for him on the back end of this. Just remember, Sidewinders, “What happens here, stays here!” Well, except for certain STD’s, like herpes, which definitely doesn’t stay here.

4:54 PM – Weekend Warriors go all-in on Tom Brady this year. Safe to say if Bernard Pollard happens again, Weekend Warriors will have a miserable fantasy season.

4:55 PM – The first surprise of the draft – Matty Ice at number 6 goes to Chefs, who has Julio Jones, so I guess I can see wanting to pair the two, but at number 6? Safe to say, I have my loser for round one. I am not a fan of Matty Ice, he hasn’t produced a great fantasy year and certainly not one worthy of the number six pick. Again, I guess if you want him, you draft him when you have the chance. Goodness even the edge if off me this year. That’s a pick that I would ramble off roughly 1000 words on how it’s the biggest mistake of that owners life.

4:56 PM – Fearsome Foursome just let out a massive groan as he hears the words “Darren McFadden” with the 7th pick. Odds that FF goes on a 12 state killing spree if Darren McFadden is the top fantasy running back this year – +10000, here is a little inside info – take the chance, the guy is that volatile, if you mix his hyper-competitiveness, I can totally see him snapping!

4:58 PM – Another cross-over owner who survived the most boring draft in the history of drafts yesterday which is detailed in part I, is going all-in on a player, this time it’s Marshawn Lynch. Be careful big fella, Marshawn doesn’t have “beast” mode available to him when his wallet is fat!

4:59 PM – So the league had some scoring changes this season, most notably the passing touchdowns are reduced from 6 points to 4 points, yet that hasn’t deterred the run of quarterbacks in the first round – Rodgers is a keeper, but Brady, Ryan, Brees and Eli Manning are all first rounders. I am wondering if the Desert Girlies think we also implemented my rule change about coupling players together – like they think they get Eli, Peyton, Cooper and Archie’s retro points by taking “Manning.” Or maybe the missing partner is the brains behind the operation! It’s hard to bash a team that’s won two rings, but let’s leave it at that was a “nice pick” – for all the other owners in the league.

Pick

Franchise

Selection

1.01 Fearsome Foursome Rice, Ray BAL RB
1.02 The GSW Rule Johnson, Calvin DET WR
1.03 Sidewinders Johnson, Chris TEN RB
1.04 Weekend Warriors Brady, Tom NEP QB
1.05 Convicts Brees, Drew NOS QB
1.06 Chefs Ryan, Matt ATL QB
1.07 BeefGravy AllStars McFadden, Darren OAK RB
1.08 Daemons Forte, Matt CHI RB
1.09 Ragin Asian Charles, Jamaal KCC RB
1.10 DA BOYZ FROM NYC Lynch, Marshawn SEA RB
1.11 DESERT GRRLIE Manning, Eli NYG QB
1.12 Avengers Jennings, Greg GBP WR
1.13 Junk Yard Dogs Johnson, Andre HOU WR
1.14 Desperados Fitzgerald, Larry ARI WR
Colin Wynner calls the round winner and loser:
Winner Beef Gravy All-Stars, Best player available at #5 fell to #7
Loser Sidewinders, the running back formerly known as CJ2K, now simply known as CJPUSSOUTK

5:02 PM – Another “nice pick” – Andre Johnson. This “nice pick” is actually stated by several owners, some sarcastically. In all honesty, it is a nice pick, but I wouldn’t want Andre on my fantasy teams this year. First off, he is a huge injury risk; then, he is slightly over-rated, he has had a few monster games, but his seasonal numbers do not warrant where he generally is picked, thirdly, the Texans would be happy running the ball 50 times a game; and finally, the Texans play great defense, so the chance of them getting into one of those crazy 35-31 shootouts is minimal. Add it all up, and, if Andre stays healthy, you are most likely looking at about 80-1000-8, 228 points, which will be top 15 but not top three.

5:06 PM – Oh, wow, Adrian Peterson goes in the Beef Gravy trade spot. So, Beef two picks and a keeper in has McFadden, Peterson and Vick – over/under on games missed by that trio – 13.5. But if AP is 85% of “AP”, he is a steal at 17. And if by playoff time AP is AP, well then we can start engraving the trophy with Beef’s name. Wait, there’s no traveling trophy with this league. 20 years and no hardware? Wow, if I could go back in time, a la Biff Tannen, I would go back to the very first draft and tell the commish, “Trust me, you need a cup for the champions. And not just a cup, a cup about a quarter the size of the Stanley Cup, with enough room to engrave 50 or so champions. Just trust me, kid!” Now, imagine if we had a cup. The defending champ each would be antagonizing other owners by asking the servers to fill up the cup with beer. Then they would casually take drinks as the other owners watch in envy. And think about how much different the opening memories would have been – “Your favorite memory and one thing unique thing you did with the cup.” About the third “unique thing I did with the cup” story would cause the defending champ to spit out a mouthful of beer while grabbing the nearest bowl/can/cup for their puke. Oh what could have been!

5:11 PM – #ThingsIoverheardatthefantasydraft – “I have a knife but no fork!” Hmm, did you pay for the fork, it is Vegas after all? That’s extra, you know. And I have to say, it’s Vegas, the most decadent place in the universe and it’s a fantasy draft, WTF do you need a fork for? Pick up the food and eat it like a Neanderthal.

Pick

Franchise

Selection

2.01 Desperados Gates, Antonio SDC TE
2.02 Junk Yard Dogs Schaub, Matt HOU QB
2.03 BeefGravy AllStars Peterson, Adrian MIN RB
2.04 DESERT GRRLIE Nicks, Hakeem NYG WR
2.05 DA BOYZ FROM NYC Jackson, Steven STL RB
2.06 Ragin Asian White, Roddy ATL WR
2.07 Daemons McGahee, Willis DEN RB
2.08 The GSW Rule Cruz, Victor NYG WR
2.09 Chefs Green, A.J. CIN WR
2.10 Convicts Martin, Doug TBB RB (R)
2.11 Weekend Warriors Welker, Wes NEP WR
2.12 Sidewinders Colston, Marques NOS WR
2.13 Avengers Rivers, Philip SDC QB
2.14 Fearsome Foursome Marshall, Brandon CHI WR
Colin Wynner calls the round winner and loser:
Winner Fearsome Foursome, Marshall at 28 and after Colston, Green, Welker and Cruz.
Loser Junk Yard Dogs, Andre Johnson and Matt Schuab, what pair, if one spent 3rd and 5th round picks on them, not 1st and 2nd.

5:19 PM – Reggie Bush is picked, which prompts the vastly under-utilized, “We’ve got Bush!” Well played Data Entry Boy, there might be hope for you after all. Back to the “We’ve got Bush”. That is at least a 100 times better than the elementary “I like Bush” comment. And of course, that line is from Revenge of the Nerds, which I always felt was an under-rated movie. Look it’s not a masterpiece, but it delivers exactly what you would expect from it. And, Betty Childs was sneaky, crazy hot, right? There was Ogre, the aforementioned Neanderthal, who has parlayed that movie’s success into a series of Capital One commercials; I can almost hear Ogre telling everyone on Capital One set, “Do you know who I am? Do you?” And how about Stan Gable, who was the perfect d-bag jock played by Ted McGinley. I always thought McGinley should have had a better career, more similar to Brad Pitt than to Paul Walker, but for reasons unknown he never accomplished much more than playing Marcy D’Arcy’s husband on Married with Children. Anyway, I might be in the minority but that was a classic 80s movie! The nerds used their brains to out-think the jocks, now-a-days the same plot would undoubtedly include some kind of violent retribution where the nerd tortures a jock for 60 days in his basement before killing him.

5:23 PM – Ahh, Darren Sproles goes to Sidewinders. Someone did his homework and paid attention to the receptions rule change that gives running backs .5 per reception, as opposed to .25 last year.

5:29 PM – Is there anything better than taking a piss break in the middle of a fantasy draft and coming back to find that you haven’t missed anything? Sure, there roughly a million things better than that, but at this moment it was big to me.

5:31 PM – WTF? Who had the balls to order swordfish? Oh my, Sidewinders, if I wasn’t such a docile individual, I would come over there punch square in the face and revoke your man card! Please tell me how the broiled sea scallops, steamed vegatables and tossed salad with no dressing compliment that fine choice of entrée? That might be the single most disappointing thing I have every encountered in a fantasy draft. We need to stop the draft, get this guy a plate full of fried wings, and cheer him on while he devours them. It’s Vegas, man. Those wings will stay here, live it up man, you have permission to break the rules after all, this is Vegas!!!
5:38 PM – #ThingsIoverheardatthefantasydraft – “please spell that for me”. The pick was Donald Brown!

5:43 PM – Vernon Davis is the pick, huh, most people try to avoid VD. #NeverGetsOld. And oh, btw, VD is another thing that won’t stay in Vegas.

Pick

Franchise

Selection

3.01 BeefGravy AllStars Bush, Reggie MIA RB
3.02 Avengers Hernandez, Aaron NEP TE
3.03 Sidewinders Sproles, Darren NOS RB
3.04 Weekend Warriors Richardson, Trent CLE RB (R)
3.05 Convicts Jones-Drew, Maurice JAC RB
3.06 Chefs Turner, Michael ATL RB
3.07 Fearsome Foursome Smith, Steve CAR WR
3.08 Daemons Bryant, Dez DAL WR
3.09 Ragin Asian Lloyd, Brandon NEP WR
3.10 DA BOYZ FROM NYC Gonzalez, Tony ATL TE
3.11 DESERT GRRLIE Gore, Frank SFO RB
3.12 The GSW Rule Mathews, Ryan SDC RB
3.13 Junk Yard Dogs Bradshaw, Ahmad NYG RB
3.14 Desperados Stewart, Jonathan CAR RB
Colin Wynner calls the round winner and loser:
Winner Sidewinders, Sproles, the increase in receptions make him a steal in the third round
Loser DA BOYZ FROM NYC, Tony Gonzalez. Really? Ahead of Vernon Davis, Jason Witten and Jermichael Finley?

5:46 PM – Sidewinders is now if full Sidewinder mode, which translated means he is talking too long to make a pick. I get it, this is where it gets tough, but come on, hey wait we’re in Vegas, who cares! Take all the time you need buddy! But that does get me thinking of another classic 80s movie – Fast Times at Ridgemont High. And at the mere mention of that movie, you immediately think about the “Phoebe Cates coming out of the pool” scene, yup, you know I got you! I will confess I laughed so hard I thought I was going to die when after Mr. Hand tore up Spicoli’s class schedule prompting Spicoli to look him dead in the eye and tell him, “You Dick!” It came from nowhere, and to be honest, I snuck into the movie because I wasn’t old enough, so for a young teen, that was pretty, pretty, pretty funny. Anyway, in about five years or so, I might show up at Sidewinders house and pull a Mr. Hand – “Sidewinder, by my measurements you’ve cost me well over six hours, I am here to collect. You and I are going to eat fried food until you puke!”

5:48 PM – Beef Gravy is going through his nicknames, I like James Earl Jones for him, simply because he gets up to announce every pick in a voice that rivals James Earl’s for smoothness. But I think a more fitting one is Art Shell, almost identical now that I look at him, like maybe they were conjoined twins, who for health reasons had to be separated at birth, except Beef got 75% of the brain.

Pick

Franchise

Selection

4.01 Desperados Brown, Antonio PIT WR
4.02 Junk Yard Dogs Brown, Donald IND RB
4.03 The GSW Rule Rodgers, Aaron GBP QB
4.04 DESERT GRRLIE Gronkowski, Rob NEP TE
4.05 DA BOYZ FROM NYC Bowe, Dwayne KCC WR
4.06 Ragin Asian Ingram, Mark NOS RB
4.07 Daemons Jackson, Vincent TBB WR
4.08 Fearsome Foursome Wayne, Reggie IND WR
4.09 Chefs Davis, Vernon SFO TE
4.10 Convicts Jackson, DeSean PHI WR
4.11 Weekend Warriors Jackson, Fred BUF RB
4.12 Sidewinders Maclin, Jeremy PHI WR
4.13 Avengers Foster, Arian HOU RB
4.14 BeefGravy AllStars Crabtree, Michael SFO WR
Colin Wynner calls the round winner and loser:
Winner Desperados, Antonio Brown. I like him a lot this year; Book it, he will out-score all of the receivers in this round.
Loser Ragin Asian, Mark Ingram. Maybe Asian knows something we don’t about that Saints backfield.

6:00 PM – Break time, time to update the aforementioned football bets – winners, 1st half Redskins, Redskins side, Redskins/Colts Over, 1st half Cowboys looking good as they are up 17-3. Cowboys side also looks promising, but the under is in serious danger. The Lions are scoreless early. I am feeling pretty good about those bets so maybe I have time to sneak in a dozen or so hands $25 blackjack before the break is over.

6:08 PM – I knew it wouldn’t be long before we heard data entry boy’s gay voice. He actually does it well enough that you just never know. Hmm, what would happen to the league is one of the owners came out of the closet? That is an interesting question and before I am ostracized by the gay and lesbian community for my intolerance, let me state for the record that I am merely pointing how a significant, albeit acceptable, change to one’s lifestyle would no doubt change the dynamic of a league that has been in existence for 20 years. Good enough? Ok, on with the gay bashing – kidding, kidding. Anyway, you to figure that if one of the owners did come out of the closet it would have to be because they got caught just like Soprano’s Vito Spatafore got caught, wearing a tight leather outfit with a cute, blinged-out leather hat. Once caught the owner would sheepishly show up at the next draft. The question is would it change the dynamic? I highly doubt it unless the owners new partner was an NFL player with inside information. Would it be distracting? Not unless said owner brought their partner and became inappropriate, of course that could be said for a mid-life crisis owner who shows up with his new “girlfriend”, er, “paid escort” and they are all over each other.

Pick

Franchise

Selection

5.01 BeefGravy AllStars Witten, Jason DAL TE
5.02 Avengers Harvin, Percy MIN WR
5.03 Sidewinders Austin, Miles DAL WR
5.04 Weekend Warriors Finley, Jermichael GBP TE
5.05 Convicts Thomas, Demaryius DEN WR
5.06 Chefs Wallace, Mike PIT WR
5.07 Fearsome Foursome Johnson, Steve BUF WR
5.08 Daemons Romo, Tony DAL QB
5.09 Ragin Asian Smith, Torrey BAL WR
5.10 DA BOYZ FROM NYC McCoy, LeSean PHI RB
5.11 DESERT GRRLIE Pettigrew, Brandon DET TE
5.12 Fearsome Foursome Cutler, Jay CHI QB
5.13 Junk Yard Dogs Green-Ellis, BenJarvus CIN RB
5.14 Desperados Stafford, Matthew DET QB
Colin Wynner calls the round winner and loser:
Winner Avengers, Percy Harvin. Less focus on the running game with AP working himself back, means more touches for Harvin.
Loser Junk Yard Dogs, BenJarvus Green-Ellis. This is a first, calling the worst pick of the round a keeper, but why give up a 5th round pick for a guy you could draft in the 7th. And if another owner really wanted him bad enough to take him in the 4th round, well then so be it – it just wasn’t meant to be.

6:13 PM – Nice job, Pierre! Pierre Garcon is the pick. Isn’t that funny how a commercial can stick with you? The “Nice job, Pierre” is, of course, from the Miller High Life commercial where the man’s man tells us “It’s hard to respect the French when you have to bail them out of two big ones. But they do have something with mayonnaise. Nice job, Pierre.” Classic! And while we’re on the subject, here are five more of my favorite commercials:

  1. Bud Light Refs – Budweiser’s response to the Miller Lite referee commericials where a referee would interrupt a party where Bud Light was being served by throwing a flag and then announcing a penalty. Bud Light spun off the same concept expect fast forwarded the story to where the refs were gleefully escaping with the “skunky” beer that was actually Bud Light.
  2. Just about any of the Jack Links “Messing With Sasquatch” commercials though this one was always a favorite.
  3. About the time other airlines started charging for checked bags, Southwest came out with a commercial where a deep sea diving guide had a student under the water. The customer was trying to breath but was getting no oxygen, his face became panicked as the instructor told him, “Oh, air is an extra $35 dollars. Do you want that?” The student, obviously, was quite eager to agree to the charge. Another classic – the clam approach of the instructor was perfect as was the panicked look by the student,
  4. Bud Light Referee Training – Just watch it, I think you’ll understand the humor.
  5. Prehistoric FedEx – Funny and hits close to home, well for any of us who have had boss who was/is a total prick.

6:23 PM – That’s the way you do back-to-back picks – bing, bing! Not sure if there was a lot of thought in the picks, but there is a blackjack seat that has my name on it, so who am I to complain – this picks, Brent Celek and Santana Moss.

Pick

Franchise

Selection

6.01 Desperados Ridley, Stevan NEP RB
6.02 Junk Yard Dogs Young, Titus DET WR
6.03 The GSW Rule Davis, Fred WAS TE
6.04 DESERT GRRLIE Meachem, Robert SDC WR
6.05 DA BOYZ FROM NYC Garcon, Pierre WAS WR
6.06 Ragin Asian Tamme, Jacob DEN TE
6.07 Daemons Manning, Peyton DEN QB
6.08 The GSW Rule Wilson, David NYG RB (R)
6.09 Chefs Jones, Julio ATL WR
6.10 Convicts Hillis, Peyton KCC RB
6.11 Weekend Warriors Benson, Cedric GBP RB
6.12 Sidewinders Freeman, Josh TBB QB
6.13 Avengers Greene, Shonn NYJ RB
6.14 BeefGravy AllStars Celek, Brent PHI TE
Colin Wynner calls the round winner and loser:
Winner The GSW Rule, Fred Davis. Freddy might have a top five year.
Loser DESERT GRRLIE, Robert Meachem. Meachem is a poor man’s Yancey Thigpen, who is a poor man’s Javon Walker, who is a poor’s man Alvin Harper. Translation – he’s a bust in the 18th round, in the 6th round it’s a colossal choke on par with the 2004 New York Yankees.

6:28 PM – And there goes the first defense of the draft – 49ers. Look I am ok with a defense going here, but is that the right defense. I have my doubts, I mean think about the worst thing that can happen to you after this draft – you hit the strip and find one of these love lovely ladies ready to spend some “quality” time with you, but once you get to the point of intimacy you find out the lovely lady is a dude. I just puked in my mouth thinking about it. Anyway, I think that’s a little like taking the 49ers this early, you might think you’re getting Kim Kardashian, but in reality it is Kimbo Slice!

6:37 PM – We’ve got a race against time. We get booted at 8PM, if booted meant either get out or start paying 300 an hour with a two hour minimum. We’ve got 11 rounds to go, so roughly 8 minutes a round. Not. Going. To. Happen.

Pick

Franchise

Selection

7.01 BeefGravy AllStars Moss, Santana WAS WR
7.02 Avengers Decker, Eric DEN WR
7.03 Sidewinders Williams, DeAngelo CAR RB
7.04 Weekend Warriors Daniels, Owen HOU TE
7.05 Convicts Britt, Kenny TEN WR
7.06 Chefs Wells, Beanie ARI RB
7.07 Fearsome Foursome Heyward-Bey, Darrius OAK WR
7.08 Daemons Helu, Roy WAS RB
7.09 Ragin Asian Williams, Ryan ARI RB
7.10 DA BOYZ FROM NYC Roethlisberger, Ben PIT QB
7.11 DESERT GRRLIE 49ers, San Francisco SFO Def
7.12 The GSW Rule Smith, Kevin DET RB
7.13 Junk Yard Dogs Boldin, Anquan BAL WR
7.14 Desperados Little, Greg CLE WR
Colin Wynner calls the round winner and loser:
Winner DA BOYZ FROM NYC, Ben Roethlisberger. I am not sure how the Steelers are going to move the ball unless Big Ben throws 50 times a game.
Loser DESERT GRRLIE, 49ers D. A day after Jerry Sandusky was accused of heinous acts against young boys, I wanted to break out the “Damn, the Colts got the Sandusky shower treatment from the Falcons”, but I didn’t. Why? Too soon. The 49ers d here is too soon

6:43 PM – Jared Cook goes in the 8th round, hmm, I liked him as a sleeper, but then I realized there are no more sleepers in this world. You know you’re getting old when things like “I remember when you had to watch the games and evaluate the players to figure out your draft list. Now you can show up with a draft list from ESPN.COM and draft a playoff team. I hate fantasy football! I really do.

Pick

Franchise

Selection

8.01 Desperados Floyd, Malcom SDC WR
8.02 Junk Yard Dogs Mendenhall, Rashard PIT RB
8.03 The GSW Rule Gresham, Jermaine CIN TE
8.04 DESERT GRRLIE Gerhart, Toby MIN RB
8.05 DA BOYZ FROM NYC Holmes, Santonio NYJ WR
8.06 Ragin Asian Texans, Houston HOU Def
8.07 Daemons Cook, Jared TEN TE
8.08 Fearsome Foursome Spiller, C.J. BUF RB
8.09 Chefs Flacco, Joe BAL QB
8.10 Convicts Graham, Jimmy NOS TE
8.11 Weekend Warriors Rice, Sidney SEA WR
8.12 Sidewinders Keller, Dustin NYJ TE
8.13 Avengers Ravens, Baltimore BAL Def
8.14 BeefGravy AllStars Steelers, Pittsburgh PIT Def
Colin Wynner calls the round winner and loser:
Winner The GSW Rule, Jermaine Gresham. This might be the season Gresham catapults himself into the “Best TE” conversation
Loser Junk Yard Dogs, Rashard Mendenhall. Big surprise here, Mendehall about 6 round too soon.

6:46 PM – Time update, 10 rounds left and 74 minutes. No way we are making it, we’re going to get kicked to the curb which means we will be finishing this draft right in the middle of pimp gang pushing the business cards of the $35 hookers. True story, I was walking down the strip, and was handed five of these cards, which I thought was awesome because when I choosing a hooker I want have options. That’s not true. But what is true is that I head to a poker table, interrupt the game and drop my five “hooker” cards on the table while screaming “can anyone beat this Royal Bush” or “Read it and weep, suckers, I’ve got five pairs”. As I was thinking of all the possible ways to use these cards at the poker table, it donned on me, “Hmm, $35 bucks, huh, dam I would love to see what $35 really looks like, because I am pretty damn sure that it isn’t what is on this card.” And if it is what’s on this card, then she needs a new pimp!

6:55 PM – Wow, a really cool guy from the New York, New York just told us we can stay as long as we need. Awesome, that was all Sidewinder needed to hear! We will now be here all night! In fact, my guess is a few of the owners who were complaining about room costs didn’t get a room, so they’re hoping we actually can stay here all night.

Pick

Franchise

Selection

9.01 BeefGravy AllStars Janikowski, Sebastian OAK PK
9.02 Avengers Griffin III, Robert WAS QB (R)
9.03 Sidewinders Jennings, Rashad JAC RB
9.04 Weekend Warriors Washington, Nate TEN WR
9.05 Convicts Rodgers, Jacquizz ATL RB
9.06 Chefs Thomas, Pierre NOS RB
9.07 Fearsome Foursome Blackmon, Justin JAC WR (R)
9.08 Daemons Redman, Isaac PIT RB
9.09 Ragin Asian Blount, LeGarrette TBB RB
9.10 DA BOYZ FROM NYC Jets, New York NYJ Def
9.11 DESERT GRRLIE Manningham, Mario SFO WR
9.12 The GSW Rule Packers, Green Bay GBP Def
9.13 Junk Yard Dogs Moore, Denarius OAK WR
9.14 Desperados Tate, Ben HOU RB
Colin Wynner calls the round winner and loser:
Winner Junk Yard Dogs, Denarius Moore. JYD has a long way to go to make his team competitive but this is a start
Loser Beef Gravy All-Stars, Sebastian Janikowski. It would be interesting to look back on this pick and ask what if you drafted D. Moore instead, then went SeaBass when he should go, like round 18.

6:57 PM – Round 10, this is where it gets tough!

6:59 PM – That’s something you don’t see every day – a human being polishing off a second entrée within a single sitting. I ask the waitress what the record for entrees in a single setting by a single human. She gives me a blank stare, like eff you jerk off I’ve taken enough crap from you and your a-hole buddies tonight. But after a bit of teasing I reel her in, now she gets it, enough to start playing along. She must be a third year marketing major at UNLV, right? Isn’t every server/bartender/hostess studying to be a lawyer/financial advisor/doctor? And don’t you find out about that within five minutes of sitting down? Anyway, she tells DA BOYZ that he is one entrée away from setting the record for a single sitting. Right now he is tied with some odd 5 million people (of course, only half of those people are still alive). I urge him to go for a French Dip or, hell even the Swordfish, but I tell him if you go Swordfish it needs to be fried. He’s not buying and frankly he looks like he might not eat again for a couple weeks, either way, I don’t care if he ends up in a food induced coma tonight, I am getting this the record. It’s only so often you get the chance to experience greatness, I will be damned if I am going to let this opportunity pass.

7:02 PM – Oh lookie here, Chase Daniel is in the game for the Saints. Chase Daniel is Drew Brees backup, but I have to ask, “Can you really trust a guy who got caught on camera eating a booger?” Think about how long the odds are that you would actually get caught eating a booger on camera – first off, you have to eat boogers; secondly, you have to eat boogers almost all the time; and thirdly, you have to be on camera. A couple things about the clip – 1. This was against Nebraska, with the Huskers leading 27-13, so maybe he was so disgusted that his team was losing to such an inferior team that he self punished himself. Goodness, I was so grossed out by this that I actually wish he was an emo instead; and 2. He tries to be a little discreet by not just devouring the booger despite clearly salivating, however, the temptation is too much for him. Damn be the 95 players and camera on his ass. It makes me think that Chase is just one of those guys. You know a guy who openly admits that he smells his hand after scratching his anus, a guy who has no problem proclaiming that he is excusing himself to relieve himself in the restroom and a guy who has no problem digging for a juicy, blood spotted with a single hair in the middle ball of snot to tide him over until he can cough up enough snot to fill his boiler. Yup Saints fans, that’s your guy when Brees goes down. Enjoy that!

7:05 PM – I am sure this room has adequate lighting but we started at mid-afternoon, so we were relying mostly on natural lighting from two over-sized windows that take up almost the entire width of the room. However, those are about 75% covered with our draft board, which also blocks the view to the south end of the strip because who wants to see what’s going on the strip, certainly not the fantasy “geeks” in this room. But now the sun is going down and with the blockage for the mega-draft board it’s getting dark, so the server came in and turned on the lights. Literally, in unison, I heard at least four owners say something to the effect, “Oh, wow, I thought you were much better looking.” Nice!

Pick

Franchise

Selection

10.01 Desperados Henderson, Devery NOS WR
10.02 Junk Yard Dogs Bush, Michael CHI RB
10.03 The GSW Rule Baldwin, Doug SEA WR
10.04 DESERT GRRLIE Robinson, Laurent JAC WR
10.05 DA BOYZ FROM NYC Olsen, Greg CAR TE
10.06 Ragin Asian Cobb, Randall GBP WR
10.07 Daemons Nelson, Jordy GBP WR
10.08 Fearsome Foursome Rudolph, Kyle MIN TE
10.09 Chefs Eagles, Philadelphia PHI Def
10.10 Convicts Luck, Andrew IND QB (R)
10.11 Weekend Warriors Williams, Mike TBB WR
10.12 Sidewinders Lions, Detroit DET Def
10.13 Avengers Akers, David SFO PK
10.14 BeefGravy AllStars Quick, Brian STL WR (R)
Colin Wynner calls the round winner and loser:
Winner Weekend Warriors, Mike Williams. After a huge rookie year, Mike Williams jumped up to as high as second round consider last season, now he falls to the 10th. He’s somewhere is between – 6th round of so, with the potential to play to 4th round.
Loser Sidewinders, Detroit Def. Uh, this either has to be a homer pick or the swordfish was bad. What did they do to upgrade a defense that was solely responsible for getting Matt Flynn $26 Million.

7:12 PM – I decided to go with the Welker jersey for the day. It was definitely the right move, as I have logged more time talking while taking a leak on this trip than I have in my entire life to date. I attribute the attention to the Welker jersey, because no team has more gained more fans over the decade than the Patriots. And one more thing on the jersey, look it takes balls for a grown man to wear a jersey around in public, but I love it. I love posing as a fan of another team. Moreover, I usually have enough useless knowledge stored in my head that I can fool even the most die-hard fan.

7:20 PM – Just about every one of these drafts I hear something that makes me want to find a corner, scrunch into the fetal postion and grab my thumb. Yeah, it’s that horrifying. Well, that moment just happened as another owner told the commish, “You can’t get it up … ” {find your happy place, find your happy place}.

7:27 PM – We take a break to have another moment of dedication to the 20th of the league. I must say 20 years is very impressive, but WTF are these guys/gals going to do without this league? I had a chance to talk about this with Fearsome, who told me he feels a little like one of those kidnap victims, who forms a strange bond with his captors. He wants to quit, but he feels held captive by the league and in reality needs the league. Ah, what a puss, he’s pathetic!

7:30 PM – Someone, just took that little girl’s (Fearsome) player, Kendall Wright. Really, pal, Kendall Wright. I would be willing to bet that there are a dozen players either drafted after Wright or free agents who will out-score him. How’s that for BOLD! By the way that pick also ties a fantasy football draft record for consecutive picks of players named “Kendall”, Warriors can help us set a record by drafting Kendall Langford. Oh, what a buzz kill, Warriors has no balls and goes with Davone Bess. BOO, BOO, BOO!

Pick

Franchise

Selection

11.01 BeefGravy AllStars Vick, Michael PHI QB
11.02 Avengers Hunter, Kendall SFO RB
11.03 Sidewinders Wright, Kendall TEN WR (R)
11.04 Weekend Warriors Bess, Davone MIA WR
11.05 Convicts Simpson, Jerome MIN WR
11.06 Chefs Gostkowski, Stephen NEP PK
11.07 Fearsome Foursome Moore, Lance NOS WR
11.08 Daemons Thomas, Daniel MIA RB
11.09 Ragin Asian Crosby, Mason GBP PK
11.1 DA BOYZ FROM NYC LaFell, Brandon CAR WR
11.11 DESERT GRRLIE Smith, Alex SFO QB
11.12 The GSW Rule Moss, Randy SFO WR
11.13 Junk Yard Dogs Bradford, Sam STL QB
11.14 Desperados Baldwin, Jon KCC WR
Colin Wynner calls the round winner and loser:
Winner Avengers, Kendall Hunter. Huge upside, unless you believe Frank Gore and his cane can keep this job the entire year.
Loser Convicts, Jerome Simpson. You know a player shouldn’t be drafted when their namesake, O.J., has given up the hunt for Nicole’s killers to try to find Jerome Simpson’s game. IN related news, O.J. has sworn off mirrors.

7:38 PM – I keep trying to get DA BOYZ to order another entrée, I reminded him of Chevy Chase in Funny Farm with the “lamb fries” record. He’s still not buying I think if I slip some “Super Colon Blow” in his water, he will free up space to accommodate a third, and record setting entrée.

7:50 PM – Ok, the one thing I need to take up with the commish is that I was promised, if I showed to put together this novel of a running log, that I would be treated to a couple of hookers. Where the hell are the hookers? It’s the 12th round, the time is right.

7:52 PM – The log is getting a little racy and for the record, the 7:50PM post was a complete joke, so when beautiful wife reads this, honey, I was just kidding, I figured that at the 7,500 word mark most people need something to shake them up, to get them back involved – THERE ARE NO HOOKERS! Also, in the interest of full disclosure, just in case something goes horribly wrong in the next five years and some divorce lawyer is trying to digging up dirt on me – THERE ARE NO HOOKERS – IT WAS JOKE, JUST A JOKE!

Pick

Franchise

Selection

12.01 Desperados Leshoure, Mikel DET RB
12.02 Junk Yard Dogs Kendricks, Lance STL TE
12.03 The GSW Rule Amendola, Danny STL WR
12.04 DESERT GRRLIE Floyd, Michael ARI WR (R)
12.05 DA BOYZ FROM NYC Collie, Austin IND WR
12.06 Ragin Asian Palmer, Carson OAK QB
12.07 Daemons Winslow, Kellen FA* TE
12.08 Fearsome Foursome Fleener, Coby IND TE (R)
12.09 Chefs Starks, James GBP RB
12.10 Convicts Moeaki, Tony KCC TE
12.11 Weekend Warriors Fitzpatrick, Ryan BUF QB
12.12 Sidewinders Kaeding, Nate SDC PK
12.13 Avengers Dickson, Ed BAL TE
12.14 BeefGravy AllStars Ford, Jacoby OAK WR
Colin Wynner calls the round winner and loser:
Winner Desperados, Mikel Leshoure. I know the Lions don’r run much, but that might be because they don’t have a running back. Leshoure will get a chance to be the guy, four weeks before Best comes back.
Loser Sidewinders, Nate Kaeding. Dude hasn’t won the job yet. And guess what if he doesn’t, you either need to fill a roster spot with a useless backup kicker or take a zero week one. Fantasy geeks take note – Kickers are random, not worthy of single digit round picks nor worthy of being on your bench.

7:55 PM – I have to be honest another owner is trying to have a conversation with me, but I am not listening, I am fully focused on the Cowboys protecting a 20-12 lead with about 6 minutes left. I am so done with this draft; all of my attention is focused on this pre-season game that is holding my money hostage.

8:05 PM – Well done Dallas, well I know that if the Cowboys third team gets in any games this year, I should dump my retirement account against them. But I have to give a hearty thanks to Jeff Fisher who decided against overtime and kicked the extra point – 20-19 Cowboys, final. Under cashes, but side doesn’t. Oh and the Lions spit the bit, what a shock! So, 5-2 overall. Not too shabby, but probably not SuperContest worthy. The Cowboys can eat a turd sandwich with extra diarrhea sauce!

Pick

Franchise

Selection

13.01 BeefGravy AllStars Hasselbeck, Matt TEN QB
13.02 Avengers Scott, Bernard CIN RB
13.03 Sidewinders Ponder, Christian MIN QB
13.04 Weekend Warriors Jones, Felix DAL RB
13.05 Convicts Prater, Matt DEN PK
13.06 Chefs Jones, James GBP WR
13.07 Fearsome Foursome Hankerson, Leonard WAS WR
13.08 Daemons Burleson, Nate DET WR
13.09 Ragin Asian Dwyer, Jonathan PIT RB
13.10 DA BOYZ FROM NYC Royster, Evan WAS RB
13.11 DESERT GRRLIE Gould, Robbie CHI PK
13.12 The GSW Rule Dalton, Andy CIN QB
13.13 Junk Yard Dogs Bears, Chicago CHI Def
13.14 Desperados Pead, Isaiah STL RB (R)
Colin Wynner calls the round winner and loser:
Winner Chefs, James Jones. I have never understood why Jones isn’t more highly thought of in Green Bay.
Loser Weekend Warriors, Felix Jones. Nothing personal, Warriors, I just hate Felix Jones.

8:10 PM – Data Entry Boy must have a very easy going personality, otherwise, one of these drafts dude is going to show up and pull a “private pyle” on us. And not Gomer Pyle, the Full Metal Jacket Pyle. The latest is he tried to cut on the commish by asking him if his “balls had dropped”. The commish responded with checkmate, “Yeah, they have right in your mouth!” We got a tea-bagging going on!

Pick

Franchise

Selection

14.01 Desperados Miller, Heath PIT TE
14.02 Junk Yard Dogs Hartley, Garrett NOS PK
14.03 The GSW Rule Bryant, Matt ATL PK
14.04 DESERT GRRLIE Hartline, Brian MIA WR
14.05 DA BOYZ FROM NYC Hillman, Ronnie DEN RB (R)
14.06 Ragin Asian Cowboys, Dallas DAL Def
14.07 Daemons Henery, Alex PHI PK
14.08 Fearsome Foursome Murray, DeMarco DAL RB
14.09 Chefs Chandler, Scott BUF TE
14.10 Convicts Giants, New York NYG Def
14.11 Weekend Warriors Seahawks, Seattle SEA Def
14.12 Sidewinders Bullock, Randy HOU PK (R)
14.13 Avengers Sanders, Emmanuel PIT WR
14.14 BeefGravy AllStars Jacobs, Brandon SFO RB
Colin Wynner calls the round winner and loser:
Winner Weekend Warriors, Seattle D. I love them this year. Not as much as I love desk or lamp, but it’s still love.
Loser Sidewinders, Randy Bullock. Two kickers inside of 14 rounds.

8:15 PM – Ok, it’s starting to drag, so let’s float out another idea for a fantasy league. This one is a normal draft, either auction or snake, normal head-to-head schedule with playoffs. But no scoring based on accumulated statistics instead, all the scoring is done based on the advanced stat Win Probability Added (WPA). The idea is as each play takes place the probability of a team winning either, for the most part, goes up or goes down. The difference in those numbers is then attributed to the primary players involved in the play. At the end of the game all of the individual plays are added up to form one total WPA. Your team score is based on the total WPA of all your players. This is more indicative of the true value of a player and much less about, well a quarterback crapped his pants for most of the game, but then had two drives against a prevent defense and his fantasy numbers looked great. Here are a couple examples: Eli Manning against Seattle last season accumulated 26.3 fantasy points, good enough for 4th place on the week, but his WPA was -.20, which was more indicative of the crap game he had. In fact, his counterpart, Tavaris Jackson, outscored him in WPA .11 to -.20.

Pick

Franchise

Selection

15.01 BeefGravy AllStars Willis, Matt DEN WR
15.02 Avengers Vereen, Shane NEP RB
15.03 Sidewinders Powell, Bilal NYJ RB
15.04 Weekend Warriors Bironas, Rob TEN PK
15.05 Convicts Roberts, Andre ARI WR
15.06 Chefs James, LaMichael SFO RB (R)
15.07 Fearsome Foursome Bengals, Cincinnati CIN Def
15.08 Daemons Smith, Steve STL WR
15.09 Ragin Asian Jones, Taiwan OAK RB
15.10 DA BOYZ FROM NYC Cassel, Matt KCC QB
15.11 DESERT GRRLIE Hanson, Jason DET PK
15.12 The GSW Rule Brown, Ronnie SDC RB
15.13 Junk Yard Dogs Davis, Kellen CHI TE
15.14 Desperados Falcons, Atlanta ATL Def
Colin Wynner calls the round winner and loser:
Winner Weekend Warriors, Seattle D. I love them this year. Not as much as I love desk or lamp, but it’s still love.
Loser Sidewinders, Randy Bullock. Two kickers inside of 14 rounds.

8:23 PM – This is where it gets tough! Playing out the string – pretty much like the Red Sox are doing right now with essentially a minor league team playing at the big league level. I have to wonder if maybe some 90 years ago, this was a little bit how it was for the Red Sox. You know they dominated the 1900-1918, then they sold Babe Ruth and the franchise was never the same until 2004. You to think that most fans about 1922 or so thought to themselves, we will be back soon and, even if it takes ten years or so, we have been blessed beyond belief with this team. I may never see another Red Sox championship.

8:30 PM – Kicker Billy Cundiff was just taken. I wonder if Cundiff every was cornered in shop class by three bullies who stole his lunch and asked him “If this is your lunch why doesn’t it say Billy Cuntdiff on it.” Damn, Christine was another under-rated movie of the 80s. Mr. Lebay, “You shitter”, was classic, but by far my favorite part of that movie is when Arnie was pissed at his parents for not letting him keep Christine at home, so much so that he verbally assaulted them and stormed off. His dad chased him to “lay down the law”, and Arnie responded with “Get you mitts off me Mother Effer. {laughs and smacks dad’s face} I am hitting the sack!” Maybe that glorification of a rebellious spirit is why I have such a disdain for authority.

8:34 PM – Andre Caldwell after a lengthy delay goes to Sidewinders, 30 picks to go. It wouldn’t be a running log without the story (this is the year, I start to grow this story) about the time I took a little too long to make a pick and I got the “We waited that long for Mark Carrier”. To which, I chuckled and replied, “Yeah, it was tough, I came down to him and your mother. But then I remembered that your mother is worthless, so I went with Carrier.” He made a move toward me as though he wanted to dance, but before he got to me, I moved to quickly defuse the situation by offering gift. The gift? I purple felt bag with a drawstring tie. He read the knitted inscription, “Teeth” and calmly said, “Hey, thanks. What does this mean?” I responded “Well, if you take one more step toward me, it’s a place to put you fronts when I knock them out.” Five years from now, he will have pulled a gun on me and I will have gone Nico Toscani on him.

Pick

Franchise

Selection

16.01 Desperados Wilson, Russell SEA QB (R)
16.02 Junk Yard Dogs Patriots, New England NEP Def
16.03 The GSW Rule Nelson, David BUF WR
16.04 DESERT GRRLIE Cardinals, Arizona ARI Def
16.05 DA BOYZ FROM NYC Cundiff, Billy WAS PK
16.06 Ragin Asian Bennett, Martellus NYG TE
16.07 Daemons Jeffery, Alshon CHI WR (R)
16.08 Fearsome Foursome Best, Jahvid DET RB
16.09 Chefs Tannehill, Ryan MIA QB (R)
16.10 Convicts McCluster, Dexter KCC WR
16.11 Weekend Warriors Broncos, Denver DEN Def
16.12 Sidewinders Caldwell, Andre DEN WR
16.13 Avengers Hester, Devin CHI WR
16.14 BeefGravy AllStars Owens, Terrell FA* WR
Colin Wynner calls the round winner and loser:
Winner Desperados, Russell Wilson. Say hello to Despy’s keeper for the next five years. Oh that’s right we are going auction next year, so it doesn’t matter.
Loser Convicts, Dexter McCluster. Yeah. It’s round 16, but with Hillis, Charles, Bowe, Moeaki and Baldwin, will there be any room for Dex?

8:47 PM – This is where is gets tough – tough to see, tough to read, tough to speak, you know after almost three hours in a bar with a mandatory spending amount of $100 a person, with everyone is trying to eat and/or drink to that amount, you can fill in the blanks of why it gets tough right now.

8:54 PM – Someone just dropped the Duece, as in Early Doucet. You know it’s healthy to drop an early duece, as well as a mid-morning, late afternoon and pre-sleep deuce. That’s right four deuce’s a day. By the looks of most of the owners, the hotel bathrooms are going to be busy tonight.

Pick

Franchise

Selection

17.01 BeefGravy AllStars Schilens, Chaz NYJ WR
17.02 Avengers Bailey, Dan DAL PK
17.03 Sidewinders Hightower, Tim FA* RB
17.04 Weekend Warriors Grant, Ryan FA* RB
17.05 Convicts Massaquoi, Mohamed CLE WR
17.06 Chefs Tynes, Lawrence NYG PK
17.07 Fearsome Foursome Clark, Dallas TBB TE
17.08 Daemons Chargers, San Diego SDC Def
17.09 Ragin Asian Newton, Cam CAR QB
17.10 DA BOYZ FROM NYC Tebow, Tim NYJ QB
17.11 DESERT GRRLIE Goodson, Mike OAK RB
17.12 The GSW Rule Green, Alex GBP RB
17.13 Junk Yard Dogs Vinatieri, Adam IND PK
17.14 Desperados Feely, Jay ARI PK
Colin Wynner calls the round winner and loser:
Winner DESERT GRRLIE/GSW, Mike Goodson and Alex Green. The only thing between these two and a full work load is Darren Benson or Cedric McFadden.
Loser DA BOYZ FROM NYC, Tim Tebow. No way Rex allow this to turn into the Broncos 2011 season, no matter how bad Sanchez performs.

8:56 PM – ” ” – my notes were illegible for this entry so I can either go with an Eric Dickerson special, “Al, at halftime we’ve learned that water is wet. Back to you Al!” so I will go with another fantasy league idea. The rotisserie fantasy football league. Details:

  • Normal draft, either snake or auction
  • Weekly starting lineups
  • No head-to-head matchups, instead your team accumulates stats in various categories like Passing Yards, Rushing Yards, Receiving Yards, Total Points Scored, Turnovers, Receptions, Return Yards, Yards per Carry, Yards Per pass attempt, etc. Each team is ranked in those categories from 1 to 12 (for 12 team leagues). The points are calculated by adding one to the number of teams and subtracting the place in each category, for example, the team with the 5th most total points scored would receive 8 points for that category.

9:05 PM – It might be the best close to a draft ever – the “50K Hypothetical Question”, which I will now butcher the re-telling:

Son – “Dad, what’s the difference between a hypothetical and a realistic question?”

Dad – “Hmm, son, I tell you what, go ask your mom if should would sleep with the data entry boy for $50,000. Then ask your sister if she would sleep with board boy for $50,000.”

Son (comes back a while later) – “Dad, I asked them and they both said they would.”

Dad – “There is the difference Son, hypothetically we should be sitting on a 100K right now, but realistically we live with two Hos!”

Pick

Franchise

Selection

18.01 Desperados Morris, Alfred WAS RB (R)
18.02 Junk Yard Dogs Hardesty, Montario CLE RB
18.03 The GSW Rule Lewis, Marcedes JAC TE
18.04 DESERT GRRLIE Conner, John NYJ RB
18.05 DA BOYZ FROM NYC Bills, Buffalo BUF Def
18.06 Ragin Asian Doucet, Early ARI WR
18.07 Daemons Carter, Delone IND RB
18.08 Fearsome Foursome Barth, Connor TBB PK
18.09 Chefs Raiders, Oakland OAK Def
18.10 Convicts Weeden, Brandon CLE QB (R)
18.11 Weekend Warriors Walter, Kevin HOU WR
18.12 Sidewinders Hill, Stephen NYJ WR (R)
18.13 Avengers Titans, Tennessee TEN Def
18.14 BeefGravy AllStars Dolphins, Miami MIA Def
Colin Wynner calls the round winner and loser:
Winner Desperados, Alfred Morris. I personally witnessed this kid chewing up the Colts today. He is my hero!
Loser DESERT GRRLIE, John Conner. Do we get fantasy points for leading a band of human renegades against futuristic cyborgs? I didn’t think so.

9:10 PM – Draft over, I am out of here. . .Oh damn, we didn’t meet our minimum. Oh course, Vegas is getting theirs! $200 short and with the “eating machine” gone to cash some winning football bets we might be in trouble. Problem solved, we will order more drinks – wait does it count towards our total if someone has to get their stomach pumped on-site?

Here is the list of additional items ordered to bring to hit the minimum:

  • A “Top Shelf” long island ice tea; that drink is still around? Wow I haven’t heard of that drink since 8th grade. Anyway, why was this owner not ordering “top shelf” from the beginning
  • Patron shots up a kazoo. Personally, I wanted to go for the bottle of Dom, so I could “make it rain” up in this bitch.
  • Enough deserts to feed a third world country

Did we hit our total? Finally, whew! Just about everyone has a green look to them, as they try to swallow a mouthful of food like they are at the end of the Nathan’s hot dog eating contest.

Over/Under on total weight gain by the 16 participants – 79.5, just under five lbs a person. Not. Even. Close. Way. Way over!

Final thought – an owner stated towards the end of the draft, “I would be willing to come back to Vegas for the draft on milestone years!” That’s what I like to hear, see you all next year when the SFL will be old enough, 21, to gamble. Who doesn’t spend their 21st birthday in Vegas?

Fantasy Football Draft Day Running Log – “Dry Heat” edition

Here we go with a marathon 2-day running log capturing the excitement and pageantry of two live fantasy football drafts. One of those drafts is the 20-year anniversary the league better known as “Sizzling”. To commemorate the “Sizzling” anniversary the owners decided to hold the draft in the outer layer of hell, Las Vegas.

As has become tradition Colin’s here to call the fantasy winners and losers for each round, as well as provide inside information on what really happens at these drafts.

The first leg of the journey begins with the Friday night edition of the “Dry Heat” league, held at a place called Half Moon, where they have graced the place with pictures of random people playing sports with their pants half way down, exposing their crack, oh I get it “Half Moons”.

7:05 PM – With 10 minutes until the first pick is supposed to be made I can tell the crossover owners (five in total that are part of both leagues) who are either flying early in AM or, gulp, driving to Vegas the next day are getting nervous about the turnaround time. It will be interesting to see if the “day of” commuters for that league are at a disadvantage to the “day before” owners. I mean it is Vegas after all it might not be a huge advantage to be up there a day early, right? Think about one of the owners simply telling himself, “Ok, let’s hit a casino and have some fun. $200 and 2 hours is your limit. You lose the $200 you’re back in the hotel preparing for the draft. At the two hour mark, you politely excuse yourself to head back to the hotel”. Next thing said owner knows is its 6AM with them on a park bench.

Let’s set the stage on the venue – horrible lighting, not private as we have a group of about 10 or so that is giving us a look like “why are you infringing upon our time?” and we have Lou Diamond Phillips serving us. Pretty much an epic fail!

7:13 PM – Ron Is a new owner in this league when an owner dropped out at virtually the last minute for personal reasons. Huh? What person reason could ever prevent a person from participating in a fantasy league, I mean other than spontaneous colitis, I guess.

Anyway, Ron has been playing since 1984! Wow, 1984! That must have been something getting the weekly results on stone tablets delivered by the Pony Express on two Tuesdays after the week. Though I have heard that they used to have real time scoring via telegraph back in those days!

7:15 PM – And the first pick is . . . Still waiting. One interesting thing about this year is that “data entry boy”, the fine gentleman who volunteers his time to enter the picks into the computer is without his sidekick (kind of like Ace without Gary), “board boy”, the fine gentleman who volunteers his time to place the stickers on the draft board. We probably just lost roughly 75% of the comedic value of this running log. I am just warning you up front.

7:18 PM – Waiting . . . let’s try to predict the first round. Keepers that probably would have gone in the first round are Arian Foster, CJ.8K and Darren McFadden. Hmm, so given that I will go with the following prediction: 1. Aaron Rodgers, 2. Ray Rice, 3. LeSean McCoy, 4. Tom Brady, 5. Calvin Johnson, 6. Drew Brees, 7. Matt Forte, 8. Marshawn Lynch, 9. Jimmy Graham, 10. Andre Johnson, 11. Steven Jackson and 12. Maurice Jones-Drew.

I have it on good authority that if the first eight picks fall that way in order that Graham will be the 9th pick.

7:22 PM – Oh wow, wow! That is a shocker! Calvin Johnson is the first pick! I can’t see that over Rice or McCoy.

7:24 PM – This is really where it gets tough – at pick 1.3. And data entry boy already having problems at pick 1.3 – “How do you spell Rogers?”

7:28 PM – Pick #8 from a team named Blinkers On is Drew Brees, Cleveland Steamers on deck at #9 slams his notepad down loudly. Now that could mean one of two things – 1. He is gaming the other owner. The feeling a fantasy owner gets when they believe the just screwed a fellow owner out of a player is just below orgasmic. So how is does this con work? Well, let’s say an owner think he has hi-jacked another owners pick a few times early in the draft, his tendency, and that of all fantasy owners, would be to continue hi-jacking this guys picks even if it meant taking someone he doesn’t necessarily want. Once the “jacking” owner is in full fledged “eff-you” mode, the jacked owner has sucked him and can begin talking a little louder about his next pick and viola, the hi-jacking owner is fully under his power!; or 2. Steamers were legitimately screwed.

My guess is this was the latter – that was too much unadulterated anger to be merely an attempt to set up the owner.

And as predicted, the Steamers take Jimmy Graham with the 9th pick overall. Horrible pick, right? Well, let’s consider Steamers does not have a second round pick, therefore no chance to get Graham except at 9, the way the draft is going it appears that there will be plenty of RB available later, the league scoring benefits the TE and no Robert Meachem this year in New Orleans. Ok, forget that part about Meachem.

7:32 PM – Hakeem Nicks closes out the first round, and immediately his agent calls the Giants informing them that his client wants to renegotiate his contract.

Pick

Franchise

Selection

1.01 Convicts Johnson, Calvin DET WR
1.02 Annihilators Rice, Ray BAL RB
1.03 D’oh! Rodgers, Aaron GBP QB
1.04 The Dark Side McCoy, LeSean PHI RB
1.05 Clive City Council Forte, Matt CHI RB
1.06 Sugar Daddy’s Brady, Tom NEP QB
1.07 Show Me Your TDs!!!! Fitzgerald, Larry ARI WR
1.08 Blinkers On Brees, Drew NOS QB
1.09 Cleveland Steamers Graham, Jimmy NOS TE
1.10 Fighting Squirrels Johnson, Andre HOU WR
1.11 DA BOYZ FROM NYC Lynch, Marshawn SEA RB
1.12 Desperados Nicks, Hakeem NYG WR
Colin Wynner calls the round winner and loser:
Winner D’oh, lookie at what fell to me!
Loser Show Me Your TD’s, Fitz has first round talent, now we just need to tell Whisenhunt!

And the first pick of the 2nd round is Julio Jones. So far this draft is bringing to light that there is no value in running back this season, Julio Jones ahead of Steven Jackson or Jamaal Charles, that would have never back in the “RB/RB” days. Realistically outside of Foster, McCoy and Rice, everyone else is a crapshoot.

7:33 PM – Cam Newton goes in the 2nd, the surprise is that he was actually available and not a 17th round keeper like he is in just about every other league. The net effect of Cam’s once in a lifetime 2011 rookie season – Andrew Luck and RGIII will go about 10 rounds too early this season.

7:36 PM – I just realized that a keeper trade made in the off-season has allowed one team 4 of the top 26 picks, in addition to having Matthew Stafford as a keeper. So, after some investigation, someone paid a second round pick for Arian Foster and 16th rounder. Considering the owner of Arian Foster couldn’t keep him anyway, that is a “Herschel Walker to the Vikings” type of deal. And as we make our way to the end of the 2nd round, with three of those four picks – the roster is Brandon Marshall, Steve Smith, Ray Rice and Matthew Stafford. Clearly that is the favorite two rounds into the draft.

Pick

Franchise

Selection

2.01 Desperados Jones, Julio ATL WR
2.02 DA BOYZ FROM NYC Jackson, Steven STL RB
2.03 Clive City Council Newton, Cam CAR QB
2.04 Show Me Your TDs!!!! Charles, Jamaal KCC RB
2.05 Blinkers On Welker, Wes NEP WR
2.06 Annihilators Marshall, Brandon CHI WR
2.07 Sugar Daddy’s Jennings, Greg GBP WR
2.08 Fighting Squirrels White, Roddy ATL WR
2.09 The Dark Side Ryan, Matt ATL QB
2.10 D’oh! Hernandez, Aaron NEP TE
2.11 Annihilators Smith, Steve CAR WR
2.12 Convicts Cruz, Victor NYG WR
Colin Wynner calls the round winner and loser:
Winner Fighting Squirrels, Wow, Roddy White after Julio is amazing. I say Roddy is targeted more than Julio
Loser Cleveland Steamers,
no second round pick with a TE and a oft injured running back, not a good start

7:41 PM – There is a horrible vibe to this draft because – 1. The room is very dark; 2. It’s hard to hear picks as called; and 3. I just realized that ratio of male to female “half moon” pictures is about 50/50. Maybe this is a “Blue . . .” type of bar.

7:45 PM – Oh no, Steamers just made a critical mistake. I know a little about the history of this league, and it’s safe to say Steamers has dominated the league, winning two out of five years and having the highest career winning percentage. He is the Bill Belichick of this league. Well, that is until this year, where he has turned into Mike Martz. Either Steamer is trying to add a level of difficulty, like they do in Olympic diving or he is clueless. AP just went in between Clev’s picks of Fred Jackson and Ryan Mathews. Three weeks into the season, Steaming pile of roster crap won’t be able to trade both those guys for AP.

7:48 PM – Now I get it – this is a bizarro draft. It used to be a staple of every fantasy, running backs going early in drafts, but in this draft six RBs just went in the third round – and four of them are former first round fantasy running back. MJD, Doug Martin, Fred Jackson, Adrian Peterson, Ryan Mathews and Willis McGahee. Yeah, believe it or not McGahee was once drafted in the first round!

Pick

Franchise

Selection

3.01 Convicts Manning, Eli NYG QB
3.02 Annihilators Bryant, Dez DAL WR
3.03 D’oh! Jones-Drew, Maurice JAC RB
3.04 The Dark Side Martin, Doug TBB RB (R)
3.05 Clive City Council Colston, Marques NOS WR
3.06 Sugar Daddy’s Gates, Antonio SDC TE
3.07 Cleveland Steamers Jackson, Fred BUF RB
3.08 Blinkers On Peterson, Adrian MIN RB
3.09 Cleveland Steamers Mathews, Ryan SDC RB
3.10 Fighting Squirrels Wallace, Mike PIT WR
3.11 DA BOYZ FROM NYC McGahee, Willis DEN RB
3.12 Desperados Rivers, Philip SDC QB
Colin Wynner calls the round winner and loser:
Winner Fighting Squirrels, Wow, Roddy White after Julio is amazing. I say Roddy is targeted more than Julio this season.
Loser Cleveland Steamers,
no third round pick either.

7:51 PM – Some gay bashing by data entry boy – “Romo the Homo”, hmm, that’s the first time I’ve heard that. My guess is that was the number one cut on Romo starting in about third grade when one kid, sort of, knew what homo meant. You know the kid, the one with the swinger parents, who were very liberal with sharing sexual knowledge with little Johnny. So, even though the other kids had no clue what a “homo” was, it rolled off the tongue so well that they couldn’t stop themselves.

8:02 PM – Malcom Floyd goes in the 4th round. Maybe, just maybe, this will be the year that Floyd finally reaches his ceiling. Because you know that old rule about wide receivers in their 8th year. Or maybe everyone will realize once and for all that his ceiling is about 6′ 5″.

8:08 PM – What is this a state run league? We’re taking a break after the 4th round. Where are the four guys supervising data entry boy?

Pick

Franchise

Selection

4.01 Desperados Richardson, Trent CLE RB (R)
4.02 DA BOYZ FROM NYC Romo, Tony DAL QB
4.03 Fighting Squirrels Vick, Michael PHI QB
4.04 Cleveland Steamers Turner, Michael ATL RB
4.05 Blinkers On Jackson, DeSean PHI WR
4.06 Show Me Your TDs!!!! Lloyd, Brandon NEP WR
4.07 Sugar Daddy’s Gore, Frank SFO RB
4.08 Clive City Council Davis, Vernon SFO TE
4.09 The Dark Side Brown, Antonio PIT WR
4.10 D’oh! Floyd, Malcom SDC WR
4.11 Annihilators Bradshaw, Ahmad NYG RB
4.12 Convicts Green-Ellis, BenJarvus CIN RB
Colin Wynner calls the round winner and loser:
Winner The Dark Side, Honestly, I don’t like any of these picks in this round, but Brown has the best chance to be a fantasy stud amongst this group
Loser D’oh,
not a fan of Floyd in any round, but especially not in round 4. Goodness, D’Oh how could you pass up the “Law Firm”. That’s what’s called a two for one bash!

8:16 PM – Dwayne Bowe is drafted in the 5th. You know what Dwayne Bowe is like the worst girlfriend ever. Come on, if you’ve ever had Bowe on your fantasy team, you know I am right. Need confirmation? Here you go, talking about the girlfriend. For starters you’ve put her on a pedestal, you have to have her, so once you get her you think you’re the king of the world. And for a while it seems good, even great, but then she starts staying out late without letting you know where she is. Eventually, she doesn’t come home at all. Finally, you tell her you’ve had it and cannot stand it, she has to go. She crys, begs you to stay, followed by a week of doting on you. Of course, you’re back to being king of the world at this point.

But the pattern is established soon she’s back to her old tricks. You go through the process until finally you catch her cheating on you, finally you tell her “that is it!” Until, about a year later when you see her out at a club where she tells you how miserable she is without you, how she wants you back and things will be different. For those without live scoring – “pedestal” is Bowe producing on a week 17 the prior year, “seems good” is the draft where you reach to get him, “staying out late” is the first four weeks of laying an egg, “not coming home” is benching him while he has his best game to date, “begging and doting” is back in the starting lineup, going off for three touchdowns, “cheating” is single handedly destroying your fantasy team during the fantasy playoffs and “seeing at the club” is a year later where you talk yourself back into him.

Now think about it, why deal with the maintenance of a “Dwayne Bowe”, when you can have a very consistent, adoring, loving, faithful Jeremy Maclin.

8:20 PM – Four rounds in and there a few of these teams with some serious positional deficiencies. I guess not every team was able to fleece a second round pick for a player that couldn’t be kept anyway. Almost through round 5 and the following teams have one running back: Convicts with BenJarvus Green-Ellis, cue the fantasy expert with the “I like the law firm, but more as a number three or flex guy”, Sugar Daddy’s with Frank Gore, uh, I think I would bet that Gore ends up number two on the 49ers in running back fantasy points and Fighting Squirrels with Chris Johnson, honestly, there is a lot of hype on CJ this year but I’ve watched him in pre-season and it’s not much different than last season – dude does not want to get hit, period! So, all the talk from Munchak about “expect big things from CJ” this season is nothing more than an over-bearing, enabling mom ignoring her son’s obvious addiction to crack! Or something like that.

In addition, Cleveland Steamers goes to battle with Percy Harvin as their number one WR; and D’Oh has two receivers but at this point in the draft one would expect to have more than Eric Decker and Malcom Floyd.

Pick

Franchise

Selection

5.01 Convicts Thomas, Demaryius DEN WR
5.02 Annihilators Smith, Torrey BAL WR
5.03 D’oh! Decker, Eric DEN WR
5.04 The Dark Side Bowe, Dwayne KCC WR
5.05 Clive City Council Greene, Shonn NYJ RB
5.06 Sugar Daddy’s Jackson, Vincent TBB WR
5.07 Show Me Your TDs!!!! Foster, Arian HOU RB
5.08 Blinkers On Maclin, Jeremy PHI WR
5.09 Cleveland Steamers Harvin, Percy MIN WR
5.10 Fighting Squirrels Witten, Jason DAL TE
5.11 DA BOYZ FROM NYC Wayne, Reggie IND WR
5.12 Desperados Bush, Reggie MIA RB
Colin Wynner calls the round winner and loser:
Winner Desperados, Reggie Bush is no longer Reggie Bust
Loser The Dark Side,
Dwayne Bowe, good luck!

8:22 PM – Have I mentioned that this draft has a bad vibe to it this year? And I know it has been mentioned before, but this is where it really gets tough!

8:24 PM – Uh oh, Lou Diamond Phillips, thinking DA BOYZ was finished, just picked up a plate with enough carrots to feed a medium sized farm of bunnies for a week. DA BOYZ is not happy, not happy at all, he was saving those carrots for our next break after round six. Secretly, I am happy the server took the carrots, there are few things more annoying than listening to someone chomp, chomp, chomp on carrots while trying to concentrate on this ultra thrilling fantasy draft. Actually, maybe the chomping would have helped keep me awake.

8:27 PM – I cringe as the 2nd pick of the 6th round is Robert Meachem by the DA BOYZ FROM NYC. DA BOYZ relays a story to me about trying to trade for Meachem prior to the draft to make him a keeper for an 11th round pick. I tell him, 11th is a much better spot for him! Anyway, seems the owner who held the rights to Meachem wanted a third round pick. I know someone who would have paid that price. Clueless!

8:29 PM – “Does Steve Johnson play for Buffalo?” – Data Entry Boy. Two years in a row I have heard that comment about Stevie, albeit last year it was three rounds earlier last year. The thing is, while Steve Johnson is a common name, he is the only Stevie Johnson in the NFL and the only Steve Johnson who could be drafted in a non-IDP league.

Pick

Franchise

Selection

6.01 Desperados Garcon, Pierre WAS WR
6.02 DA BOYZ FROM NYC Meachem, Robert SDC WR
6.03 Fighting Squirrels Johnson, Chris TEN RB
6.04 Cleveland Steamers Johnson, Steve BUF WR
6.05 Blinkers On Pettigrew, Brandon DET TE
6.06 Show Me Your TDs!!!! Davis, Fred WAS TE
6.07 Sugar Daddy’s Stewart, Jonathan CAR RB
6.08 Clive City Council Heyward-Bey, Darrius OAK WR
6.09 The Dark Side Austin, Miles DAL WR
6.10 D’oh! Hillis, Peyton KCC RB
6.11 Annihilators Stafford, Matthew DET QB
6.12 Convicts Ingram, Mark NOS RB
Colin Wynner calls the round winner and loser:
Winner The Dark Side, Miles Austin, outside of some minor injury concerns that’s a great pick in round 6. “Nice Pick”
Loser DA BOYZ FROM NYC,
Robert Meachem, see Dwayne Bowe

8:29 PM – Crap, Seattle is carving up Kansas City in KC. I can see the drunken square bettors stumbling to the betting window to play the over on the Seahawks season wins, thus forcing that number north before I get up there and have a chance to hammer the over. Reason 1,103 why this draft sucks – I couldn’t head up to Vegas the day before to get acclimated to the altitude. The highlights from that game just showed a great catch by T.O. – coming up next to the Dry Heat league, Terrell Owens in the 7th round.

8:35 PM – Is there a more punch-able face in the MLB than Nick Swisher? Of course A-Rod has the “most punch-able face” in the history of the world, so we cannot include him in the discussion. But Swisher has to be right there, right? With that smart-aleck look on his face about 99.9% of the time, you know the one where he loves to be hated, like Derek Huff in Step Brothers, except without the abs of steel and, Swisher looks like he lives in Carb city.

8:40 PM – Peyton Manning is drafted in round 7! Steamers let out a “Let’s go Donkeys!” Good luck with him as your number uno, one whiplash hit and homie is going to look like a bobble head.

8:42 PM – Stevan Ridley goes in the 7th because you know the Patriots love to ride one guy. Here is a proposal for a new rule for next year – each owner gets the option of doing a one-time coupling of same position, teammates together provided that both are available when drafting. For example, an owner can couple J-Stew and DeAngelo Williams together, which means all fantasy points would be combined for the pair as one position. It would certainly liven up a draft like this, though you would have to think the first 12 picks would have to be couplings. Let’s think about what the first round would look like in a complete re-draft league:

  1. A. Foster/B.Tate – HOU
  2. J. Jones/R.White – ATL
  3. V. Cruz/H. Nicks – NYG
  4. M. Austin/D. Bryant – DAL
  5. R. Gronkowski/A. Hernandez – NEP
  6. J. Charles/P. Hillis – KC
  7. J. Stewart/D. Williams – CAR
  8. M. Forte/M. Bush – CHI
  9. F. Jackson/C.J. Spiller – BUF
  10. M. Wallace/A. Brown – PIT
  11. J. Maclin/D. Jackson – PHI
  12. A. Peterson/T. Gerhart – MIN
Pick

Franchise

Selection

7.01 Convicts Williams, Ryan ARI RB
7.02 Annihilators Young, Titus DET WR
7.03 D’oh! Moore, Denarius OAK WR
7.04 The Dark Side Brown, Donald IND RB
7.05 Clive City Council Green, A.J. CIN WR
7.06 Sugar Daddy’s Rice, Sidney SEA WR
7.07 Show Me Your TDs!!!! Holmes, Santonio NYJ WR
7.08 Blinkers On Wells, Beanie ARI RB
7.09 Cleveland Steamers Manning, Peyton DEN QB
7.10 Fighting Squirrels Ridley, Stevan NEP RB
7.11 DA BOYZ FROM NYC Gonzalez, Tony ATL TE
7.12 Desperados Tamme, Jacob DEN TE
Colin Wynner calls the round winner and loser:
Winner The Dark Side, Donald Brown. Getting a starting running back who will get the majority of the touches in the 7th round qualifies as a steal
Loser Sugar Daddy’s,
Sidney Rice. Bottom line this is a legacy pick, dude’s not going to be a factor again, regardless of how good he could have been.

8:45 PM – The 8th round, this is where it gets tough!

8:47 PM – This is more like a croquet match than a fantasy draft – translation – really, really boring.

8:51 PM – Nick Swisher might have the most punch-able face in MLB right now, but Roger Clemens has the most punch-able face in the world. I mean if given one free shot to the kisser of either, Clemens or Ayman al-Zawahiri, for me it’s Clemens every day and twice on Sunday. By the way, al-Zawahiri is the new leader of the al-Qaeda now that bin Laden has been killed again.

The mention of al-Qaeda, it really makes me wonder what is going on in this country that a mere 15 months ago the masses were chanting “U-S-A, U-S-A” and “O-BAH-MAH” after we got bin Laden. And yet those same masses are now the primary reason Mitt Romney has pulled even in the latest presidential polls.

Anyway, yeah, Clemens has the most punch-able face, even more so now that Raj has put on weight. And if Clemens were a chick wouldn’t he complain about, “When I gain weight it all goes to my face!” He is giving Hilary Clinton a real run for largest jowls on the planet. Or maybe, Roger is simply back on the juice and his head is growing at the rate of the illegal’s setting up shop in the US (well, at least they’re paying taxes). Clemens is on the news proclaiming Lance Armstrong innocence. Lance get ready for a supportive call from Clemens – “If you believe it hard enough, hoss, then it’s true!” Ok, Raja! Good God, just go away already!

Back to the draft – there was a mini-run on tight ends – Owen Daniels, Dustin Keller and Greg Olsen. I like Olsen to beat the combined score of Keller and Daniels.

Another break, at this pace I might just be able to leave from here to the airport.

Hmm, I see the Bucs plowed the Patriots tonight. Nice, everyone one of my sleeper teams is looking great the night before I can bet on them. And you know, the Bucs take care of the Pats in week three and all of a sudden every “Johnny D-Bag” is like,” you know that Bucs team might not be so bad, we should bet on the season win over.” It only takes a few bettors to make these bookies nervous these days, with the margins so tight and the reality that football is what keeps most books in business. Ugh!

Pick

Franchise

Selection

8.01 Desperados Daniels, Owen HOU TE
8.02 DA BOYZ FROM NYC Keller, Dustin NYJ TE
8.03 Fighting Squirrels Olsen, Greg CAR TE
8.04 Cleveland Steamers Blackmon, Justin JAC WR (R)
8.05 Blinkers On Benson, Cedric GBP RB
8.06 Show Me Your TDs!!!! Britt, Kenny TEN WR
8.07 Sugar Daddy’s Helu, Roy WAS RB
8.08 Clive City Council Boldin, Anquan BAL WR
8.09 The Dark Side Wilson, David NYG RB (R)
8.10 D’oh! McFadden, Darren OAK RB
8.11 Annihilators Schaub, Matt HOU QB
8.12 Convicts Gronkowski, Rob NEP TE
Colin Wynner calls the round winner and loser:
Winner Blinkers On, Cedric Benson. Why not? He looks to be the lead back in a fairly effective offense.
Loser DA BOYZ FROM NYC,
Dustin Keller. For someone who constantly complains about Sanchez. . .

9:13 PM – “And the run on kickers begins . . .” not really, it’s the 9th round, way too early for a kicker. Though I think, given the keeper rules, the days of taking a kicker with the last pick are over, those last few picks have to be reserved for the Cam Newtons, RG III and Andrew Luck type of guys that you can get late and stash.

9:14 PM – A certain lifelong Rams fan and noted Cardinals homer just took his second 49er of the draft – Michael Craptree. Reason #246 “Why I hate Fantasy football” – I fan of a team has become so numb that they draft players from teams they have cheered for before fantasy football. It’s like the ultimate hedge – well, if the 49ers crush the Rams but Craptree has a big game well then that’s ok because my fantasy team had a big game! Mark it down fantasy football will be death of the NFL!

9:13 PM – And the cherry on rookie quarterbacks is broken. RG III in the ninth round, meaning that with the current rules, he can be kept for two additional years. The rules state that an owner can keep a player drafted in 4th or later rounds for one year at the originally drafted round. In successive years the player can be kept for three rounds earlier until the keeper round is inside three. So, by pulling the trigger on RGIII in the 9th, the owner shorted himself one year of having RGIII. But it appears as though this owner is going “all in” on RG III, as this is his only quarterback.

9:17 PM – Mike Williams, WR, TB just went. Since there have been more than a few Mike Williams, WR, it got me thinking about another new rule – the first owner to draft a player gets all fantasy points for that name. Mike Williams gets you all the points for Mike Williams of Tampa Bay and the Mike Williams of Seattle.

9:18 PM – So, if I told you that a running back split would be the following – carries – RB1- 50%, RB2 – 40% and RB3 – 10%, receptions RB1 – 20%, RB2 – 50% and RB3 – 30% and goal line carries – RB1 – 10%, RB2 – 30% and RB3 – 60%, would you guess that RB1 went four rounds later than RB2? I should also mention that this team has QB1 who scored somewhere around 800 rushing touchdowns last season (14 actually). DeAngelo Williams is still available in the 9th round, Jonathon Stewart went in the 6th. Hmmm.

Pick

Franchise

Selection

9.01 Convicts Moore, Lance NOS WR
9.02 Annihilators Celek, Brent PHI TE
9.03 D’oh! Akers, David SFO PK
9.04 The Dark Side Washington, Nate TEN WR
9.05 Clive City Council Smith, Kevin DET RB
9.06 Sugar Daddy’s Crabtree, Michael SFO WR
9.07 Show Me Your TDs!!!! Griffin III, Robert WAS QB (R)
9.08 Blinkers On Fleener, Coby IND TE (R)
9.09 Cleveland Steamers Williams, Mike TBB WR
9.10 Fighting Squirrels Flacco, Joe BAL QB
9.11 Fighting Squirrels Wright, Kendall TEN WR (R)
9.12 Desperados Cutler, Jay CHI QB
Colin Wynner calls the round winner and loser:
Winner Desperados, Jay Cutler. Big time talent on that Bears offense, enough so that not even Cutler can screw it up.
Loser D’oh,
David Akers. OK, so even if David Akers is the number one kicker this year, is he really that much better than the second or third best kicker. And I would make a bet that Akers won’t finish in the top five.

9:27 PM – Felix Jones goes in the 10th round, I asked the Demarco Murray owner if he was upset not to get the handcuff. He told me he would rather have a zero than Felix Jones. Yeah, I think Felix is a little bit like Malcom Floyd, with seemingly endless potential but the reality is they just aren’t that good. In Felix’ case he wouldn’t be on an NFL roster if he attended any other college besides Arkansas.

9:29 PM – Bilal Powell is selected with the beaming owner proclaiming “he will be the starting running back by week three.” Hmm, yeah just like Delone Carter in 2011, Kareem Huggins in 2010 and James Davis in 2009.

Pick

Franchise

Selection

10.01 Desperados Rodgers, Jacquizz ATL RB
10.02 DA BOYZ FROM NYC Collie, Austin IND WR
10.03 Clive City Council Roethlisberger, Ben PIT QB
10.04 Cleveland Steamers Rudolph, Kyle MIN TE
10.05 Blinkers On Fitzpatrick, Ryan BUF QB
10.06 Show Me Your TDs!!!! Williams, DeAngelo CAR RB
10.07 Sugar Daddy’s Jones, Felix DAL RB
10.08 Clive City Council Gerhart, Toby MIN RB
10.09 The Dark Side Gresham, Jermaine CIN TE
10.10 D’oh! Starks, James GBP RB
10.11 Annihilators Powell, Bilal NYJ RB
10.12 Convicts Moss, Randy SFO WR
Colin Wynner calls the round winner and loser:
Winner Cleveland Steamers, Kyle Rudolph. I have to throw my boy Steamer a bone here, tough draft, but he might have netted a top 10 TE in the 10th round.
Loser Sugar Daddy’s,
Felix Jones. Completely worthless and psst, he won’t be the guy to take over if Murray gets hurt.

9:35 PM – Oh man, now that was a ballsy move. It appears as though the Red Sox and Dodgers have completed a mega deal that will send Josh Beckett, aka the cancer, Adrian Gonzalez, Carl “I used to steal bases, now I just steal money” Crawford and Nick Punto to the Dodgers. As a Sawx fan, I really, really hate to see Punto go! I guess the Dodgers are printing money over at 1000 Elysian Park Ave because they only way a team would ever take on that much useless payroll would be if they had money to burn. Do you think the bank that approved the financing for the $2 billion is getting a little nervous that this team won’t be able to make their payments? And how did the Sox forget to include John Lackey included in this deal, or was that the tipping point? The Dodgers said, “Yeah, we will take Lackey but you have to give us Middlebrooks as well.”

This is a win/win deal for both teams – for the Red Sox they shed 260 million in payroll for under-performing players. Simply put Carl Crawford was a horrible fit in Boston, but in LA where “there better things to do than analyze the swing of a player who relies on speed in an attempt to determine whether they can still hit over .300 when their speed is gone” he will be back to swiping 50 bags a year, hitting over .300 and playing above average defense.

Beckett’s time in Boston had come, but in the National League west he has a chance to shine. Just imagine being a pitcher in the American League, where most nights you have to face nine competent hitters. It’s grueling and for a pitcher who has lost his best stuff, well, it’s deadly. But now you get to go to the National League, where once every couple innings steps up the pitcher. Plus, most NL teams play small-ball, so they’re constantly giving away free outs. It’s like heaven. And don’t think he won’t benefit from being out of Boston and the limelight, either.

Gonzalez is the piece of this deal that hurts the most to watch leave, but again, one thing the Red Sox front office has done a poor job of in the past seven years is forgetting where they play baseball. The Sawx play 162 seasons each year and if they qualify for the post-season the intensity is tripled. Gonzalez isn’t ill-suited for that environment, but he is a west coast guy, he’ll thrive in LA, he was mediocre in Boston.

The Sox came out ahead on this deal if they received a box of autographed game used Magic Johnson shoes, the fact they got a couple top 15 prospects is a bonus.

Hey wait, I just remembered this is about football, yeah, football.

Pick

Franchise

Selection

11.01 Convicts Simpson, Jerome MIN WR
11.02 Annihilators Spiller, C.J. BUF RB
11.03 D’oh! Tate, Ben HOU RB
11.04 The Dark Side Finley, Jermichael GBP TE
11.05 Clive City Council Cook, Jared TEN TE
11.06 Sugar Daddy’s Cassel, Matt KCC QB
11.07 Show Me Your TDs!!!! Moss, Santana WAS WR
11.08 Blinkers On Nelson, Jordy GBP WR
11.09 Cleveland Steamers Royster, Evan WAS RB
11.10 Fighting Squirrels Thomas, Pierre NOS RB
11.11 DA BOYZ FROM NYC LaFell, Brandon CAR WR
11.12 Desperados Little, Greg CLE WR
Colin Wynner calls the round winner and loser:
Winner DA BOYZ FROM NYC, Brandon Lafell. Number two in Carolina, with a lousy defense and a quarterback who loves to throw. Plus, you have to figure Steve Smith will be hurt for a couple of games this year.
Loser Convicts,
Jerome Simpson. Everyone is a flier here, but I would rather have Lafell, Moss or Little ahead of Simpson.

9:40 PM – This is where it gets really tough – Round 12! Here is an idea for a new fantasy league, probably mentioned in a previous year’s draft log, but here it is again:

  • Draft takes place prior to week seven, say on a Tuesday
  • Same structure as this league – 12 teams, three divisions, play against average, etc.
  • Auction style draft with no keepers, every year is a complete re-draft
  • Everyone still plays a full season long schedule, including weeks one through six. Those lineups are submitted after the draft with the “max value lineup”, records are compiled up to that point.
  • Weeks seven through thirteen are normal play weeks with each owner submitted a lineup; the exception is that the double-header against league opponents is week 13 instead of week one

Essentially you have 12 “retro” games and 14 new games. Complicated? Yes, but the thing is you get six weeks to figure out just about everything in a given season other than who will be injured after week 7. Here is a short list of pluses:

  1. You know who is pulling the “I just got paid and have no desire to play” move, a la Chris Johnson.
  2. You can get idea of what teams actually have a good defense, therefore, it makes it easier to determine a how tough a player’s playoff schedule will be
  3. A random huge game, like Chad Henne’s 45 points in week one last week make him a viable target, especially if you settled on Matt Ryan as your main guy. Ryan scored 12 points in week one, his second lowest point total of the season. Henne is a 34 point bump, for say a couple bucks late in the draft.
  4. The auction would be freaking intense
Pick

Franchise

Selection

12.01 Desperados Mendenhall, Rashard PIT RB
12.02 DA BOYZ FROM NYC Cobb, Randall GBP WR
12.03 DA BOYZ FROM NYC Hillman, Ronnie DEN RB (R)
12.04 Cleveland Steamers Baldwin, Jon KCC WR
12.05 Blinkers On Amendola, Danny STL WR
12.06 Show Me Your TDs!!!! Locker, Jake TEN QB
12.07 Sugar Daddy’s Bess, Davone MIA WR
12.08 Clive City Council Leshoure, Mikel DET RB
12.09 The Dark Side Luck, Andrew IND QB (R)
12.10 D’oh! Baldwin, Doug SEA WR
12.11 Annihilators Jeffery, Alshon CHI WR (R)
12.12 Convicts Bush, Michael CHI RB
Colin Wynner calls the round winner and loser:
Winner Desperados, Rashard Mendenhall, here is the thing with Mendy, we know he isn’t going on the PUP, so that means within six weeks he makes his debut. Let’s say to get 100% healthy and in game shape it takes him four weeks. That means worst case scenario you have probably a top 20 running for weeks 10-16 for a 12th round pick. Genius!
Loser Show Me Your TDs,
Jake Locker. I not really sure why the Titans are going with Locker, he just isn’t that good.

9:45 PM – Heading to round 13 for the better part of the draft I couldn’t tell if I was at the library studying for a final or witnessing a fantasy draft. If there was ever a league that should draft online, it would be this one. Goodness why waste the time, money and energy to get together, when we could pull this off on a random Wednesday night!

9:48 PM – Steve Breatson is the pick, which makes that the third WR from the Chiefs drafted in the first 13 rounds. Wow, does everyone realize Matt Cassel is the Chiefs quarterback? Anyway, I wish that the Chiefs would sign the following players to complement Breaston: WR Johnny Juggs, RB Billy Titons, TE Tyson Rack and QB Freddy Nipps.

Pick

Franchise

Selection

13.01 Convicts Palmer, Carson OAK QB
13.02 Annihilators Vereen, Shane NEP RB
13.03 D’oh! Breaston, Steve KCC WR
13.04 The Dark Side Jennings, Rashad JAC RB
13.05 Clive City Council Quick, Brian STL WR (R)
13.06 Sugar Daddy’s Dickson, Ed BAL TE
13.07 Show Me Your TDs!!!! Bennett, Martellus NYG TE
13.08 Blinkers On Manningham, Mario SFO WR
13.09 Cleveland Steamers Hankerson, Leonard WAS WR
13.10 Fighting Squirrels Redman, Isaac PIT RB
13.11 DA BOYZ FROM NYC Hunter, Kendall SFO RB
13.12 Desperados Henderson, Devery NOS WR
Colin Wynner calls the round winner and loser:
Winner Desperados, Devery Henderson. Still a starting WR in a pass happy, run up the score offense.
Loser Annililators,
Shane Vereen. Vereen just limped off the field with an injury.

9:55 PM – Do you think that Isiah Pead has heard the one about “Isiah Peed himself”? Is that a Berman-ism – “The Rams hand the ball off t0 Isiah Pead ‘his pants’ and he scampers into the end zone.” Or “Bradford with a short dump off to Isiah Pead ‘the bed’ who takes to the house for a St. Louis touchdown.

Pick

Franchise

Selection

14.01 Desperados Pead, Isaiah STL RB (R)
14.02 DA BOYZ FROM NYC Dalton, Andy CIN QB
14.03 Fighting Squirrels Nelson, David BUF WR
14.04 Cleveland Steamers Freeman, Josh TBB QB
14.05 Blinkers On Lewis, Marcedes JAC TE
14.06 Show Me Your TDs!!!! Robinson, Laurent JAC WR
14.07 Sugar Daddy’s Gostkowski, Stephen NEP PK
14.08 Clive City Council Janikowski, Sebastian OAK PK
14.09 The Dark Side Sanders, Emmanuel PIT WR
14.10 D’oh! Blount, LeGarrette TBB RB
14.11 Annihilators Hartley, Garrett NOS PK
14.12 Convicts Prater, Matt DEN PK
Colin Wynner calls the round winner and loser:
Winner Show Me Your TDs, Laurent Robinson. Someone has to catch the ball in Jacksonville, Robinson was fairly effective last season in Dallas.
Loser Desperados,
Isiah Pead. Not a 100% sure he is going to get the carries if something happens to S-Jax. Plus, S-Jax is the guy and really doesn’t get hurt.

10:02 PM – Two more rounds, no comments, I just want to get out of here. Well, I guess I have one comment – “This is where it gets tough!”

Pick

Franchise

Selection

15.01 Convicts Massaquoi, Mohamed CLE WR
15.02 Annihilators James, LaMichael SFO RB (R)
15.03 D’oh! Winslow, Kellen FA* TE
15.04 The Dark Side Bradford, Sam STL QB
15.05 Clive City Council Thomas, Daniel MIA RB
15.06 Sugar Daddy’s Walter, Kevin HOU WR
15.07 Show Me Your TDs!!!! Crosby, Mason GBP PK
15.08 Blinkers On Bailey, Dan DAL PK
15.09 Cleveland Steamers Bironas, Rob TEN PK
15.10 Fighting Squirrels Royal, Eddie SDC WR
15.11 DA BOYZ FROM NYC Cumberland, Jeff NYJ TE
15.12 Desperados Feely, Jay ARI PK
Colin Wynner calls the round winner and loser:
Winner Clive City Council, Daniel Thomas. Round 15, if anything happens to Bush. Remember he was expected to be the guy last year.
Loser DA BOYZ FROM NYC,
Jeff Cucumber. Never heard of this guy and in general I hate players named after a vegetable.

10:17 PM – We only went 16 rounds and all but one team had a keeper, meaning that we actually only drafted 15 rounds of players but this felt like jammed the entire 61 rounds of the MLB draft into a single day.

Pick

Franchise

Selection

16.01 Desperados Sproles, Darren NOS RB
16.02 DA BOYZ FROM NYC Hanson, Jason DET PK
16.03 Fighting Squirrels Bryant, Matt ATL PK
16.04 Cleveland Steamers Murray, DeMarco DAL RB
16.05 Blinkers On Tate, Golden SEA WR
16.06 Show Me Your TDs!!!! Scott, Bernard CIN RB
16.07 Sugar Daddy’s Brown, Ronnie SDC RB
16.08 Fighting Squirrels Jacobs, Brandon SFO RB
16.09 The Dark Side Gould, Robbie CHI PK
16.10 D’oh! Skelton, John ARI QB
16.11 Show Me Your TDs!!!! Ford, Jacoby OAK WR
16.12 Convicts Hightower, Tim FA* RB
Colin Wynner calls the round winner and loser:
Winner Sugar Daddy’s, Ronnie Brown. Likely to get at least three starts, in a good offense.
Loser Fighting Squirrels, Brandon Jacobs. Gore, Hunter, Dixon ahead of him on the depth chart, plus they have a running quarterback – what value does Jacobs bring that they don’t already have?

Good luck to all this season, may all your fantasy dreams come true!

CFB Week 03 “Seven Out”

Oh ouch, Colin’s first foray into the college football ended the same way roughly 50% of incoming college freshmen – academic probation. But Colin has never claimed to call totals, just sides, so if you throw out totals Colin was a very respectable 2-1-1.

Plus, I am no longer a rook; the game is slowing down for me. Let’s get it on!

For a reminder on what “Seven Out” means, read this.

Wake Forest @ Florida State (-27.5, O/U 54) – Uh, well, I feel like FSU is always over-rated simply because the vast majority of America wants the Seminoles to be relevant. What that really means is sports investors can take advantage of the value on the opponents of Florida State.

And that juicy 27.5 spread is tantalizing to those public bettors who are proficient with their fours, as in “4*7 = 28 > 27.5.”

Play: Wake Forest +27.5

Houston @ UCLA (+17, O/U76)    – Flashback to last Saturday night, UCLA players were high fiving fans in the Rose Bowl like they just won the BCS championship. Certainly it was a big win for the Bruins, but let’s be realistic beating Nebraska these days isn’t as special as it once was, and that really emphasizes the point that the Bruins will suffer from a hangover this weekend. And rumor has it on Monday coach Mora ordered rings to celebrate the Bruins “September Champs” title. Look, the Bruins might beat the Cougars senseless but I will take the value on the Cougs as the line should be closer to -13.

Play: Houston +17

Colin’s 2012 CFB Record
Last Week: 2-4-1 (-2.4 units)
Season to date: 2-4-1 (-2.4 units)

Arkansas State @ Nebraska (-23.0, O/U 66.5) – I admit I am a sucker for a lousy defense and just about any total under 100. Given that, this game is a “GOTY” play as the Husker defense is despicable.

But word from Lincoln is the Huskers are going to start playing some of their super, ultra talented freshman. Hmm, yeah that should make the difference plugging in players with zero experience, who have had even less time to figure out Bo Pelini’s over-complicated defensive scheme. But I will play along, let’s assume that the new players are significantly better than what we have seen season to date from the Blackshirts (how tough it that? Eleven cardboard cutouts might be better), all that means is the Huskers roll up a big lead on an equally porous Red Wolves defense, which will lead to the Huskers resting pulling the starters. Which means those original, cardboard cutout-esque players will be on the field at the end of the game which will allow Arkansas State to march up and down the field late in the game. The reality is that I will give ASU at least 24 points, meaning the Huskers only need to score 43 for this game to go over. Consider it done! And yes, I venture back into the abyss of totals!

Play: Over 66.5

Utah State @ Wisconsin (-14.0, O/U 51.0) – Early in any football season a savvy investor can capitalize on what I call an “over-reaction” line. An over-reaction is based on the public over valuing a week result rather looking at a team’s body of work, as well their expectations. If one looks at the odds-makers, their numbers stay fairly consistent until a team has proved that the season expectations either not being met or being surpassed. In this one of the games, given Utah State’s nationally televised victory over Utah last week and Wisconsin’s relatively anonymous loss at Oregon State. This is really the perfect storm of opportunity – Wisky should be favored by over 20 points. We get 6 points of value, as we watched the Badgers roll to four touchdown win..

Play: Wisconsin -14.0

BYU (-3.5, O/U 46) @ Utah – Is this another over-reaction game? You bet it is! Utah looked like crap last week against Utah State and now they face a very formidable BYU team. If by formidable we mean over-rated, ridiculously independent and very beatable.

Play: Utah +3.5

Florida @ Tennessee (-3.0, O/U 48) – I am not exactly sure why Tennessee is favored in this game. I have this as a pick’em at best for Tennessee. Since this a high profile game that will likely be one of the heavier bet games of the day, I am going to trust the odds-makers number here. Even thought the Vols are at home, I feel they are an inferior team, therefore cannot play them especially having to lay points. Not. Going. To. Do. It. But the total looks very tasty at 48. Barring overtime, points should be at a premium in this game.

Play: Under 48.0

Rice @ Louisiana Tech (-21.0, O/U 66.5) –I don’t know much but I know when a border rival is catching three touchdowns you have to play them especially considering a seven-man sled has a better front seven than Louisiana Tech.

And does anyone else think Bulldogs is a strange nickname for a team from Louisiana? It seems like Bullfrogs is more appropriate.

Play: Rice +21.0

NFL 2012 – Week #1 Predictions

Football is back. My over/under on weeks before I utter the words, “I hate this league” has settled at 2.5. I am leaning toward the under.

Here are week one picks. Remember, the NFL is my specialty.

Note: I use the LVH Lines from vegasinsider.com. The Super Contest lines are not live, but instead are set and held the entire week.

The “SuperContest” picks:

Seattle (-2.5) @ Arizona – I find it ironic that immediately after Marshawn Lynch gets a huge contract, he is all of sudden down with “back spasms” so bad that it might prevent him from playing in the opener. Wasn’t that the whole issue with Lynch to begin with? It’s like Marshawn plays in “beast” mode when he needs a contract but once he has a deal he plays in “bitch” mode. Nevertheless, this game won’t be close, as this Cardinals team is complete garbage.

Picks: Seattle -2.5

Atlanta (-2.5) @ Kansas City – Remember last year the week one matchup between the Faclons and Besrs in Chicago? Well, the “sharps” were all over the Falcons in that, so much that the line moved from Bears -1.0 for Falcons -3.0. Well, those crazy “sharps” are back at – all over the Falcons again this year in the opener, in arguable a more difficult place to play, Arrowhead. In five weeks, we will look a back on this game with amazement that Falcons were favored. And that’s more because the Chiefs will be that impressive.

Picks: Kansas City +2.5

Carolina (-2.5) @ Tampa Bay – Have you noticed the pattern here? My first three games are all road favorites of exactly -2.5. In these cases, history tells us that one of those will cover, Seattle, and two will not. . .

Side note – enough is enough, it’s time to stop laughing at the “NFL is my specialty” comment above, focus man, focus!

Picks: Tampa Bay +2.5

Buffalo @ NY Jets (-3.0) – The Bills are getting a little too much love here. Yeah, I like them to win 10 games this season but this line and line movement is disrespectful to the Jets, who were 5 point favorites when the week one lines were released back in August. Look the Jets can still play great defense and they have a secret weapon, the Bills are clueless about the Jets “wildcat” package. This might be is the lock of the week!

Picks: NY Jets -3.0

San Diego @ Oakland (-1.0) – What is there to like about the Charger this season? They look like a mess to me. Their quarterback, Phillip Rivers, was forced to play the final pre-season game because he looked so pathetic in the first three pre-season games. The defense is weak, their receivers are a collection of #2’s (and no I don’t mean turds, though that fits) and their coach is over-matched is just about every game. It seems like they’re depending on an oft-injured Antonio Gates to stay healthy and be the Gates of 2007. That’s pretty risky.

Plus, this Oakland team is for real on offense, at home and hungry!


Pick: Oakland -1.0

The “how many Rams does it take to change a flat tire? Just one, unless it’s a blowout, then they all show up.” picks

Indianapolis @ Chicago (-10.0) – The Bears play the Packers week two on a Thursday night. In other words, they have a short week coming up against their arch-rival and primary competition in the NFC North. Now, I really believe the Bears can go into Lambeau and come away with a win. They’d have the entire offseason to prepare for this game, you have to think they will come up with a few new wrinkles to make Aaron Rodgers uncomfortable, plus the Packers are coming off a physical game with the 49ers on a short week, as well.

You see how I did that? I completely discounted this week’s game against the Colts. Don’t think the Bears aren’t doing the exact same thing.

Pick: Indianapolis +10.0

Philadelphia (-9.5) @ Cleveland – Poor Cleveland! I cannot imagine growing up in a city where perpetual losing is a way of life. There are 9.5 point underdogs, at home on week one! And if you gave the bookies the chance to re-post this line immediately after the final gun, they would post a 13.5. Yeah, it’s going to be that bad.

Pick: Philadelphia -9.5

Washington @ New Orleans (-8.0) – Buyer beware – I hate the Saints, so I cannot make logical decisions with regard to their games. However, even with that I fully expect to hit at least 8 of their games correctly this season. I think New Orleans got their big victory on Friday when some liberal judge ruled in the favor of the Saints players in the bounty-gate case. Therefore, this game is meaningless to them – like “They (Saints) won because Smith and Vilma were able to play.”

Pick: Washington +8.0

Miami @ Houston (-12.5) – I will let you in on a little secret, I bet the Texans at -7.5 way back at the beginning of August. I know what you’re thinking, “where the eff was that inside information, Colin?” There are some things I just have to keep to myself. Look if this game isn’t a 34-7 blowout by the Texans, I will chop off lefty, self stitch my sack and send the teste to the “Center for Research on Abnormally Large Body Parts”. Fair enough?

Pick: Houston -12.5

St. Louis @ Detroit (-8.5) – Am I crazy to think that the Rams actually have a chance in this game? I enter the follow exhibits as to why – 1. The Lions are one dimensional and despite the reality that the Rams have no one that can keep Calvin Johnson from going all “Flipper Anderson v the Saints, circa 1989” on them, I think they find a way to exploit the Lions inability to run the ball; 2. We don’t really know what we have with Sam Bradford, right? I mean this guy was the number one overall pick. He has two years under his belt, meaning the game has to be slowing down for him. He has a coach that wants to and will be able to protect him. Why can’t this guy lead the Rams to an upset?; 3. The lack of a Lions running game means the Rams front four, which believe it or not is a strength, can pin their ears back and attack Stafford; 4, The lions best defender, Ndomakong Suh, is mourning the reality that his mentor and butt buddy, Bo Pelini, is on his out at Nebraska. Don’t get me started!; and 5. Jeff Fisher > Jim Schwartz; remember Schwartz worked under Fisher for quite some time in Tennessee, now it’s time for Obi-Wan to leave Anakin legless in a smoldering pile of lava.

Uh, on second thought, yeah, I am crazy, the Rams have no shot!

Pick: Detroit -8.5

Cincinnati @ Baltimore (-7.0) – I’m down on both teams this season, however, seven points seems a bit too much for a couple of good defensive teams with spotty offenses. Give me the points on Monday night!

Pick: Cincinnati +7.0

The “Toss-up” picks:

New England (-5.5) @ Tennessee – I cannot wait to see Chris Johnson this season, who somehow despite killing a majority of the fantasy teams last season was still highly regarded this season to be taken in the top 10 in most fantasy drafts. My hatred of him is well documented, so it is difficult for me to be objective, but I watched him in the pre-season and I see nothing different from last year. He doesn’t want to get hit, period! He plays a position where one gets hit and hit often, so there is a huge conflict and unless he can find huge chunks of yardage around the end without getting touched he is going to be useless.

As for this game, something tells me the Pats aren’t going to be the Pats for a few weeks.

Pick: Tennessee +5.5

San Francisco @ Green Bay (-5.0) – This will be the first in a series of “payback” games for the 49ers. What’s a 49er “payback” game? A game where the 49ers lose because of either a combination of or one of the following: a. bad turnover; b. missed assignment that leads to a big play; c. a key dropped pass; d. a bad call that goes against the them; e. missed field goal in a big spot; or f. A boneheaded coaching decision that when called out in the post-game causes Harbaugh to blow a gasket and attack the reporter leading to a suspension. Too much went right for that team last season, to not have it turn against them this year.

That aside the 49ers will keep this game close.

Pick: San Francisco +5.0

Jacksonville @ Minnesota (-3.5) – I wish DirecTV would provide subscribers to the NFL Sunday Ticket a count of TV’s tuned to each game. My guess is, if you excluded Minnesota fans and the handful of Jaguars fans, this game might never top out at more than 100. This game won’t be make DirecTV’s “game mix” channel. And even the “Red Zone” channel will likely delay any scoring in this game for maybe a quarter or so – like, “OK, it’s halftime now in Minnesota, but we want to take you back to early first quarter action to show you this score by the Vikings. . . ”

For the pick – it’s simple – the Vikings have some promise, the Jags are garbage.

Pick: Minnesota -3.5

Pittsburgh @ Denver (-1.5) – Dumbest line of the week! Why? Well, the 2011 season ended for the Steelers right there in Denver. Anyone remember what the line was in that game? Steelers by 7.5! So, essentially with everything else being the same, you’re telling me that a 35-year old quarterback, coming off one year layoff due to major neck surgery is worth 9 points? Did I mention that Manning has a fused neck? And one blind-side, whiplash hit could easily un-fuse his neck. I will take the value on Pittsburgh.

Pick: Pittsburgh +1.5

2012 Season Record: 1-0-0

Colin Wynner calls the winners! Good Luck to all!

NFL 2011 – Week Two Picks

Oh man, was it great to have football back or what? I ask you on any other day of the week would it take a person 8.5 hours to take out the garbage or vacuum the house? Nope, but that is the case on an NFL Sunday? So, if you happen to have a significant other who loves football as much as you do, then you’re very, very lucky. They understand how hard it is to walk away from a game and accomplish the task. They even share in the procrastination with comments like “we can vacuum tomorrow” and “until the garbage starts to smell, I’m ok with compressing it with a boot”.

But if you’re on the other end of that stick and you have a significant other who is either indifferent to football or completely hates it, well then you have quite a problem on your hands when Sunday rolls around. The easiest choice is send significant other shopping for the day. That works for a single week, but that can become pricey for more than a few weeks. It really adds up when you’re getting tag-teamed by the inept quarterback play of Orton and Hasselbeck, or getting rammed by the St. Louis receivers dropping the ball.

The solution – pick your spots, man. For example, this week offers very few great games, especially early. So, my suggestion would be get up and take your SO out for a late breakfast, with full attention devoted to them, leave your phone at home. By the time the late games roll around SO will be such great mood that they will be willing to sit down and watch the Pats/Chargers with you.

Ugly, ugly start for the “professional” handicapper in the “Super Wynner” contest, as Colin picks up a mere 7.5 wins which puts him in two-way tie for last place (with G-DUB), while Juana had an amazing week at 11.5 and Megan eked out a one win victory over Colin.

Contestant 

Record 

Juana Wynner 

11-4-1 (.719) 

Megan Wynner 

8-7-1 (.531) 

Colin Wynner 

7-8-1 (.469) 

G-DUB 

7-8-1 (.469) 

 

SuperContest Week 1 Recap

Easy money calls on Chicago and Washington. A minor sweat on the Pats, when they decided to throw to a copy of a copy of a copy of Mike Vrabel (meaning #50 will have a tough time catching a touchdown pass if he is on the move or in other words he is a three-toed sloth) from the 1. Really, Belichick? Why try that pass in a game that the outcome was not in doubt. Isn’t a bit more important to try to establish that you can get a tough yard by running the football? I know how dare I question the great Belichick, who undoubtedly has forgotten more about football than I have ever known, but come Billy boy, you haven’t won a playoff game since 2007, which is exactly when you decided you didn’t need to worry about running the football between tackles. Coincidence? I think not.

My two losers – Denver and Tennessee. To me both those games were bad beats, not inside straight on “the river” bad beats, but “river” flush draw bad.

The Titans need a field goal to win and they’re roughly 15 yards away from reasonable field goal range, but instead of playing for the field goal Matthew Hasselbeck decides to go for the win by throwing a ball deep that ironically looked at lot most of Survivor’s Semhar’s coconut shots, weak, wobbly and off-target. Off-target is a bit harsh since Hasselbeck’s ball happen to find a target, a Jacksonville DB. Game over on what was a terrible, terrible decision by Hasselbeck. Jake Locker’s going to get his shot sooner than expected.

As for Denver, just a bad call, the Raiders have more talent or maybe the reality is the Broncos are void of talent. I have like to see what would have happened if Kyle Orton didn’t drop the ball, but rather hit the wide open receiver for an easy touchdown.

LHSC: 3-2-0 (Tied for 75th)

Note: I use the Las Vegas Hilton Lines from vegasinsider.com. The Super Contest lines are not live, but instead are set and held the entire week.

Kansas City @ Detroit (-7.5) – Detroit -7.5? Wow, this is an over-reaction perfect storm. The proof – the Chiefs look like they would have a tough time beating Kansas State, the Lions are now the favorite to win the Super Bowl after beating the Bucs on the road (ok, that is an exaggeration), the Stafford to Megatron combo is set to supplant Young to Rice, the Chiefs lost their best defender on a defense that was already leaky. Further, ingrained in the minds of all bettors is the gang-rape the Bills gave Chiefs last week. Believe me that is a tough image wipe from your memory. All signs point to the Lions huge in this game, right?

 

At this point, everyone is waiting for the resounding WRONG, but when I tried to make a case for the Chiefs keeping the game close, I ended strengthening the argument for the Lions. Here’s a list of reasons to back the Chiefs:

 

  • Point: Play conservatively by running Jamaal Charles – Counter: the Lions run defense is the strength of their defense
  • Point: Burn clock and wait for the Lions to make a mistake – Counter: The Chiefs lost their difference maker on defense in Berry, the Lions would utterly have to implode for this strategy to work.
  • Point: The Lions will let down and the Chiefs will be hungry – Counter: The Chiefs won the AFC West last season, I can’t see the Lions letting down or coming in overconfident.

 

Uh, yeah, this has Lions cover all over of it.

 

Pick: Detroit -7.5

 

Oakland @ Buffalo (-3.0) – There are several compelling reasons to take the Bills in this game. The most compelling is that the Raiders play the late Monday game and have to travel across the country to an play early Sunday game in a hostile environment. That is reason enough to play this game, but here are three more compelling reasons:

  • I whole heartedly believe the Broncos suck, therefore the Raiders narrow win over them is virtually worthless. Granted the Chiefs are horrible as well, but the Bills pounded them. Big difference.
  • The Bills run defense is much better than the Broncos; meaning the Raiders will be forced to throw. Not good for a team that relies heavily on the run.
  • Jason Campbell is the starting quarterback for the Raiders – see note above about Raiders needing to throw.

Pick: Buffalo -3.0

Juana Wynner’s Week Two Picks

Chicago @ New Orleans (-7.0) – The Bears will win this one because Ditka, when he was coaching, gave them inspiration to win. I think they still have the inspiration even though he retired.

Pick: Chicago +7.0

Oakland @ Buffalo (-3.0) – On Thursdays Bold and the Beautiful soap opera, Bill Spencer got mad at his son because he didn’t have his work done on time. He then fell behind schedule. I think the Bill S will fall behind schedule as well.

Pick: Oakland +3.0

Seattle @ Pittsburgh (-14.0) – It’s so hard to win by more than 15 points unless you just get really lucky.

Pick: Seattle +14.0

San Diego @ New England (-6.5) – I really want to live in California some day! I would also love to go to SDSU so therefore the Chargers will win.

Pick: San Diego +6.5

St. Louis @ New York Giants (-6.0) – Even though I’ve grown up liking the Rams because my dad likes them, I have a feeling that they are going to get crushed like a juice box.

Pick: New York Giants -6.0

The Rest:

Kansas City +8.5, Jacksonville +9.0, Arizona +4.0, Baltimore -5.5, Carolina +10, Minnesota -3.0, Cleveland -2.0, San Francisco +3.0, Houston -3.0, Denver -3.0, Philadelphia -2.0

 

Chicago @ New Orleans (-7.0) – Despite what they did to the Falcons last week, I still think Bears are headed towards mediocrity-ville. And the Saints have had 10 days to prepare. You just can’t give Sean Payton 10 days to prepare for anyone.

Yeah, that’s a little tongue-in-check poke at Payton, who for some reason I do not consider him to be an upper echelon coach. But the fact remains the Bears caught the attention of the Saints by whipping the Falcons last week. With this the home opener for New Orleans, I see them rolling the Bears.

Pick: New Orleans -7.0

 

Jacksonville @ NY Jets (-9.0) – Remember in my NFL 2011 Season wins column how I stated that the Jets “good fortune couldn’t possibly continue”, yeah, I was pretty much dead wrong as again the Jets came up from a fresh, steaming pile smelling like roses last week against Dallas. Think back to Sunday night, do the Cowboys win that game if Jason Garret runs Felix Jones into the line three times from the three instead of running the following plays:

 

  • 1-3-NYJ3; F.Jones right tackle to NYJ 2 for 1 yard (57-B.Scott)
    • Solid play call; with the Cowboys needing a field goal to push the lead to two possessions, no need to get cute
  • 2-2-NYJ2; T.Romo pass incomplete short right to 19-M.Austin
    • This play was a mess, Austin couldn’t get off the corner, Romo’s throw was almost picked. Again run Jones into the middle and play for a field goal
  • 3-2-NYJ 2; T.Romo sacked at NYJ 3 for -1 yards FUMBLES, RECOVERED by NYJ
    • Ugh! Still a one possession game.

 

It was at that point, I knew the Jets were heading for victory, despite their anemic offense. The Jets offense managed to gain a massive 62 yards after that Romo fumble, but scored 10 points to win the game. A field goal right there was all the Cowboys needed to secure a very big week one win!

 

And that’s just how it goes for the Jets, to the point that I am starting to believe, somehow, this isn’t about good fortune, it’s about incompetent opposing coaches, who consistently leave the back door open. And when you leave your back door open the next thing you know money is missing, your daughter is knocked up and your son is addicted to meth! In other words, a lot of bad things!

 

Pick: NY Jets -9.0

 

Megan Wynner’s Week Two Picks

Chicago @ New Orleans (-7.0)- I think that the Chicago Bears will win because I like the team colors. Also I think they play faster as a team. Therefore, that might affect how the team plays.

Pick: Chicago +7

Kansas @ Detroit (-7.5) – I think that the Detroit Lions will win because I like their colors. Also I think that lions are really strong. Therefore, they will outplay the other team.

Pick: Detroit -7.5

Jacksonville @ N.Y. Jets (-9.0) – I think that the Jacksonville Jaguars will win because I like their team colors. I also like their mascot. Therefore, I think that they can beat the Jets by communicating more.

Pick: Jacksonville +9

Arizona @ Washington – I think that Arizona Cardinals will win because they are my states team! Also they made it to the super bowl in 2008. I also like their team colors.

Pick: Arizona +3.5

Seattle @ Pittsburgh (-14) – I think that the Pittsburgh Steelers will win because they won the super bowl in 2008. Also because I like their team colors! In addition, I think they will be able to outplay san Francisco.

Pick: Pittsburgh -14

Green Bay @ Carolina (-10) – I think the Green Bay Packers will win because they won the super bowl this past year. Therefore the Packers will be able to out play the Panthers! Also the Packers team colors and uniforms are cool.

Pick: Green Bay -10

Tampa bay @ Minnesota (-3)- I think that the Minnesota Vikings will win I like their colors. Also I think that they can outplay and communicate more than Tampa Bay! Lastly they have cool uniforms.

Pick: Minnesota -3

The rest:

Buffalo +3, Baltimore -5.5, Indianapolis +2.0, Dallas -3, Miami +3, New England +6.5, Denver -3.5, Philadelphia -2.0, St. Louis +6

 

Houston (-3.0) @ Miami – Dolphins WR Brandon Marshall called QB Chad Henne the “White Vick” this week, which is surprising since at the end of last season Marshall called out Henne for being unwilling to improvise, essentially throwing him under the bus. Marshall was also quoted as saying, “Tyler Thigpen is a better fit for this offense.” Now, after one game Henne is the “White Vick”. Hmm, something is smells fishy here. Maybe what Marshall was really trying to say is that since white is the opposite of black, that Henne is the opposite of Vick, as in, he really, really sucks.

 

The Dolphins have lost 10 of their last 11 home games, so they’re due. Ahh, one week in and we have the first “due” theory play.

 

Pick: Miami +3.0

 

The NFC WORST:

Arizona @ Washington (-3.5)

Seattle @ Pittsburgh (-14.0)

Dallas (-3.0) @ San Francisco

St. Louis @ NY Giants (-6.0)

 

OK, last season we had a 7-9 team win a division (NFC West), host and win a playoff game. That was awesome! But this year, we can do better; we can get a 10-10 Super Bowl champion! For that to happen, we first need a division winner to finish 6-10. Sound impossible? Not with the NFC West’s collection of craptastic teams. Here are the pararmeters:

 

  • All teams beat each other once within the division (3 wins for each)
  • Each NFC West team is allotted two wins against the NFC East/AFC North opponents (2 wins)
  • The max an NFC west team can win against the other NFC opponents is 1 game

 

Unfortunately, the Cardinals are already pushing the bounds of these parameters by holding on to clip the Panthers. We absolutely need them to rise the occasion this week against the Redskins by getting behind early and mailing in the rest of the game.

 

If St. Louis or Seattle were to break through on the road this week that would certainly throw a wrench in this tight plan as well. However, the Seahawks are standing on the train tracks with a train quickly approaching (the Steelers). While the Rams are still suffering from the pre-season championship hangover, which is 100% of the reason they lacked focus against the Eagles. Raising the pre-season championship banner in the pre-game ceremony never works out well for the home team.

 

That leaves us with the 49ers against a very beatable Cowboys team. At this point, we really cannot trust the Cowboys in any game where Romo is taking snaps. Of course, on the other side is Alex Smith, who is not exactly “retirement score” material. The Boys can’t possible go to 0-2, can they?

 

Picks:

Washington -3.5

Pittsburgh -14.0

Dallas -3.0

NY Giants -6.0

 

Cincinnati @ Denver (-3.5) – Donkey fans are clamoring for a quarterback change, they want Tebow! So much so that eight huge Bronco fans decided to pull together 10K to rent two billboards imploring coach John Fox and the Broncos to bench Kyle Orton in favor of Tim Tebow. I have to admit, I think this will work. When Fox realizes that these guys essentially are giving up a down payment on a tractor with an air conditioned cab, he will be forced to acknowledge their passion, not to mention their obvious high football acumen and give Tebow the starting job.

My guess is 10K for a billboard is just a start, if Tebow doesn’t the start soon, the next step will be one of these guys telling Fox, “that’s a beautiful wife you have there, it be shame for something to happen to her.” If that doesn’t work, we will graduate to full-fledged kidnapping with a ransom demand of Tebow starts ever game from now until he retires.

I will translate for Broncos fan – “We would rather go 4-12 with a Christian quarterback than 8-8 with that devil worshiping, sinner Kyle Orton.”

As for the game, this is week two “pair” games, where we logically place the paired sides of week one opponents. For example, maybe Oakland is really good this season, therefore, the Broncos are maybe a slightly above average team. Of course, I still have very little respect for the Raiders. Meaning the Broncos are terrible.

The is no reason to believe that Cincinnati, who is practically a mirror image of the Raiders, with a slightly better defense, won’t be able to do exactly what the Raiders did to the Broncos, only without the 900 penalties and special teams breakdown.

Pick: Cincinnati +3.5

 

Green Bay (-10) @ Carolina – Here is a little known fact for you – the defending Super Bowl champion never cover a 10 point spread on the road, against a rookie quarterback with the first name Cam. That trend is 1-0 for the home team underdog, as of Sunday night.

 

Pick: Carolina +10

 

Tampa Bay @ Minnesota (-3.0) – Do you think Mike Shanahan watched the replay of the Vikings/Chargers game and simply smiled every time McNabb threw a pass like the rules of the game dictate that the ball has to bounce once? Me too. And by the end of that game he was probably in hysterical laughing, like “damn, I nailed that.”

 

Tampa Bay has the feel to me of a team that we will keep saying every, “This is the week they get it together” and then at the end of the season they’re 6-10. They’re so young that they can afford a season where they just failed to meet expectations. But watch out for this team in 2012!

 

Pick: Minnesota -3.0

 

Cleveland (-2.0) @ Indianapolis – Pre-season line had the Colts favored by 7.5 points but that was under the assumption that the Browns would handle the Bengals, so we can safely adjust that number to 9.0, which means that if Manning is worth 9.5 points (established last week) and Kerry Collins is worth -1.5 points. It’s never a good thing if a starting quarterback is considered a liability.

 

The Colts can’t be this bad, can they? I believe this is all a pre-planned ploy to be able to draft Andrew Luck and allow with Payton a couple seasons to groom him. But according to Robert Mathis that is not true. Mathis tweeted this week – “Luck is not our quarterback and we’re not tanking to get him”. Quick, someone let Robert in on the plan!

 

Pick: Indianapolis +2.0

 

Baltimore (-5.5) @ Tennessee – Chris Johnson told reporters this week that in the Titans playoff loss to the Ravens in 2008 the Ravens tried to hurt him. Wow, really, CJ, they tried to take out the best player on the opposing team in a playoff game. No way! We have to remember, that was CJ2K, not the 2011 version better known as CJ200, so it makes total sense that the Ravens wanted him out of the game. However, after watching film this week, the Ravens allegedly agreed to try to NOT hurt CJ200.

 

Anyway, I would think CJ would come out pissed off and ready for vengeance in this. We certainly shouldn’t see any of the week one, “Franco Harris”-esque, two yards and fall down crap, right CJ? We shall see. Fantasy owners need to be very cautious of this guy.

 

Another interesting point on this game is that the Ravens are currently drawing 89% of the side action, with the second highest number of overall bets (numbers courtesy of pregame.com).

 

Now, I am no advanced mathematician, but my guess is the Book’s might have trouble making their “quota” if they lose too many games where 89% of the money is backing one side. And back in the old days, I would’ve blindly taken the Titans just for that reason alone, ignoring obvious facts like – a. Already established, but I like to harp, CJ is not CJ, and it’s not close; b. Matt Hasselbeck is not 2006 Super Bowl Matt Hasselbeck. That’s true with every one as they age, but generally while the physical skills deteriorate, the mental skills sharpen. Uh, not with hASSelbeck, as evidenced by the decision to throw that game ending wobbly, inaccurate pass. In addition, Hasselbeck spent most of the day doing his best John Lackey impersonation, screaming at his receivers because they couldn’t catch balls thrown at their feet; c. Mike Munchak looks to be a poor-mans, Mike Tice. That’s not a compliment; d. Much to my surprise the Ravens under Harbaugh don’t suffer the post-Steelers week hang-over; e. MJD ran wild against the Titans, imagine what a guy with healthy knees, like Ray Rice will do to them; and f. Flacco is no Luke McCown. And that is a compliment.

 

Add it all up and this is a no-brainer. Damn be the action. Plus, my theory on the books is they will get theirs, just not this one.

 

Further, let’s imagine the following scenario; you’re heading the Vegas, with a pre-defined “loss” limit of $500. Once there you sit down a Blackjack table and proceed to lose the entire $500. You’re more likely to stop gambling, because you tasted no success whatsoever.

 

Now, imagine that instead of losing $500, you win $500. You just doubled your money, your riding high, feeling invincible, ready to go for “the kill”. But then you start to lose, albeit slowly, first a $100, then $200 more, you keep trying to right the ship, but now you’ve given back all of your winnings plus $200. Frustrated you keep going, but to no avail and you lose $300 more. Now you’re down the original $500.

 

Now, tell me, which scenario is more likely to see the individual described above dig for beyond the $500? I say it’s a no-brainer, the second scenario. Homey had success, so they know it can be done, just a $200 more can get me back to even. Just $200 more, I can limit my losses. Just $200 more, I know I can win.

 

The odds-makers have no problem giving away a few freebies early in the season, just to lock in people beyond their “limit”. They don’t want the $500, they want the $1500 and they know you have to spend money to make money. Therefore. . .

 

Pick: Baltimore -5.5

 

San Diego @ New England (-6.5) – Here’s a meaningless, but coincidental fact – the Patriots blew out the Bengals last year 38-24 in week one, then laid an egg, at the hands of the Jets, in week two. Last week the Pats blew out the Dolphins, 38-24. Coincidence? I think not!

 

I am not afraid of a mere 6.5 points with Norv Turner coaching. Repeat I am not afraid . . .

 

Pick: San Diego +6.5

 

Philadelphia (-2.0) @ Atlanta – This is my five star NFL game of the century! In fact, I am so confident that this game is a winner that if it loses I will give you the rest of the season for free!

 

Quick hitting facts about this game:

 

  • The Eagles should be 0-1, but thanks to the Rams utter incompetence they escaped with the narrowest 18 point win in NFL history
  • The Falcons are much better than what we witnessed last week
  • The Eagles are still getting a ton of action from the betting public; we don’t have to look far for proof of this – they’re favored in Atlanta
  • The crowd will be wild, there is nothing like rabid Atlanta fans on a Sunday night; hang on scratch that, I just made a point for the Eagles.
  • This will be the game where Julio Jones becomes Wholio instead of Jewelio; i.e. this is his breakout game.
  • Those playing fantasy football against Michael Turner this week will get a call Monday morning from their opponent, who will state, “Man, I am sorry, but Michael Turner just scored again!”
  • Sunday nights are always tough on Andy Reid, who by the middle of the third quarter the is so famished that the play sheet looks like a menu.

 

Unfortunately, I couldn’t talk my alter ego into making this one of my SuperContest picks of the week.

 

Pick: Atlanta +2.0

 

Colin Wynner calls the winners, no really this week, Colin really calls the winners!

 

Good Luck to all!

 

 

NFL 2011 Week One Picks – Part II

OK, boys and girls let’s get on with the 2011 NFL week one picks. I have stared at the opening week lines for six weeks, but I know about as much now as I knew during the lockout – very little. But that won’t stop me from picking these games; it’s just a little disclaimer of “buyer beware”.

In an effort to spice things up this year, I have created the “Super Wynner” contest, which matches your truly with two of my kids. You know it’s never too early to get the kids in on the family business. In fact, they don’t remember but back when my oldest was two years old, I already was consulting her on picks. For example, let’s say the Bears and Lions were playing I would show her a picture of a Lion and a Bear and ask her who she liked better? Those were some dark handicapping days!

Officially, the entries are as follows:

Colin Wynner – “Calls the winners”; heavy; heavy favorite to win this contest

Juana Wynner – “Want winners? Call Juana Wynner”; very likely to finish last

Megan Wynner – “Tired of being a loser, let Megan Wynner make you a winner”; sleeper pick

G-Dub – “I do a 2160 and come down with a perfect winner”; the proverbial coin-flip not expected to exceed 50%

Note: I use the Las Vegas Hilton Lines from vegasinsider.com. The Super Contest lines are not live, but instead are set and held the entire week.

Megan Wynner Week One Picks

Season Totals: 1-0-0 (1.000)

Philadelphia (-4.0) @ St. Louis – I think that the St. Louis Rams will win because I like the team colors. Also I think that Rams are stronger than Eagles. So that might affect how the teams play.

Pick: St. Louis +3.5

Pittsburgh @ Baltimore (-1.5) – I think that the Pittsburgh Steelers will win because they won the super bowl in 2008. Therefore they have a strong team. So I think they will outplay the other team.

Pick: Pittsburgh +1.5

Cincinnati @ Cleveland (-6.5) – I think that the Cincinnati Bengals will win because I like their team colors. I also like their mascot and their uniforms. I think that they can beat the Indians by communicating more.

Pick: Cincinnati +6.5

Carolina @ Arizona (-7.0) – I think that Arizona Cardinals will win because they are my states team! Also they made it to the super bowl in 2008. I also like their team colors.

Pick: Arizona -7.0

Seattle @ San Francisco (-5.5) – I think that Seattle will win because I like their team colors. Also because their mascot is awesome! And I think they will be able to outplay San Francisco.

Pick: Seattle +5.5

Detroit @ Tampa Bay (-1.5) – I think the Detroit Lions will win because Tampa Bay has Geno Hayes as a weak linebacker. Therefore the Lions will be able to score lots of touchdowns! Also Detroit team colors and uniforms are cool.

Pick: Detroit +1.5

Atlanta @ Chicago (+2.5) – I think that the Chicago bears will win because bears are better than falcons. Also the Bear’s team colors are awesome! Lastly they have cool uniforms.

Pick: Chicago +2.5

The rest:

Houston -8.5, Tennessee +1.5, Buffalo +5.5, Minnesota +8.5, N.Y. Giants -3.0, Dallas +5.5, Miami +7.0, Denver -3

Season Totals: 1-0-0 (1.000)

LHSC: 0-0-0 (Tied for 1st)

Pittsburgh @ Baltimore (-1.5) – “This is the whole season right here” – expect that to be mentioned in the stands at M&T Bank stadium this weekend. Literally this is the whole season for the Ravens, it’s a much of a must-win game in week one as there ever has been. Unfortunately, this Steelers team has the Ravens number and might be best Steeler team in over a decade.

Pick: Pittsburgh +1.5

Detroit @ Tampa Bay (-1.5) – Is there anything more terrifying right now in the NFL than Suh? He’s like a cross of Breaking Bad’s Tuco Salamanca and 48 Hours Albert Ganz only if Suh got the worst parts of both those guys.

I am on record with the Lions going 11-5, but I see them taking the loss here. At the end of the year, the Lions will look back at this game as necessary to focus them for the rest of the season.

Pick: Tampa -1.5

Atlanta (-2.5) @ Chicago – So, I am in total agreement that the Bears are going to be nowhere near what they were last year. But my big question is why are the Falcons being considered a great team? What have the Falcons done? Think about it, this nucleus (Smith, Ryan, Turner and White) hasn’t won a playoff game together, yet somehow they respect like they’re the second coming the 70’s Steelers.

Pick: Chicago +2.5

Buffalo @ Kansas City (-5.5) – “Live by the ribs, die by the ribs”. As in KC lives by B-B-Q ribs and dies with Matt Cassel’s bruised ribs. If there has ever been a quarterback who needed to be 100% healthy to be 75% effective, it’s Cassel. FOUR WINS, CHIEFS, THAT’S IT – 4-12!

Interesting fact – in the Super Contest Buffalo is the most picked team. Who am I to argue with the “best of the best”?

Pick: Buffalo +5.5

Indianapolis @ Houston (-8.5) – How much is Peyton Manning worth? 9.5 points! This line opened at Indy -1. Yikes! Either way, you want to know what happens in Houston when Indianapolis visits with Manning scheduled to start at quarterback. The rest of the team hits the world famous, tastefully done strip clubs the night before. About 3AM, some rookie will ask Jeff Saturday, “Dude, shouldn’t we get home? We got a game tomorrow.” Saturday’s likely response, “Dude, relax, P’s got it.”

This week Saturday will be heading up bed checks at 9PM. I’m jumping on the Kerry Collins bandwagon.

Pick: Indianapolis +8.5

Philadelphia (-4.0) @ St. Louis – Remember what happened in the Heat’s (“dream team”) first game? They got hammered by the Celtics. Remember that the Heat ended up in the NBA Finals. As dumb as that comment by Vince Young was, it may turn out to be very prophetic. Translation – the Eagles will struggle early in the year.

Pick: St. Louis +4.0

Cincinnati @ Cleveland (-6.5) – The odds-makers cleverly posted this at 6.5, enticing everyone who looks at the Bengals as clearly the worst team in the NFL to bet on the Browns. First off, the Browns should be giving any team 6.5 points; secondly, this Bengal team is going to be a lot better than most people believe. In fact, I will call my shot right here, the Bengals will finish with at least a .500 verse the spread.

They record win number one this week.

Pick: Cincinnati +6.5

Tennessee @ Jacksonville (-1.5) – So, Peyton Manning is worth 9.5, I wonder what David Garrard is worth? Fortunately for me the budget conscience Jaguars cut Garrard this week, so we don’t have to guess. He is worth a single point – 1! Wouldn’t have been hilarious if after Garrard was cut the number went up to Jags -6?

Pick: Tennessee +1.5

NY Giants (-3.0) @ Washington – How many starting defenders have the Giants lost? Exactly. And this Skins team is under-rated.

Pick: Washington +3.0

Carolina @ Arizona (-6.5) – Look at the balls on the odds-maker at Las Vegas Hilton – everyone else has this line at 7, but this guy, with balls the size of Jupiter, is daring bettors to take the Cardinals.

Are the Panthers with Cam Newton really worse than the 2009 Panthers with Jake Delhomme? No way. In fact, at least Newton can make plays with his legs. Oh by the way, that 2009 Panther team blew the Cardinals out at UOP.

Pick: Carolina +6.5

Seattle @ San Francisco (-5.0) – The “Andrew Luck” bowl. The Jaguars are on the clock, but they just invested a #1 pick on a quarterback, which means the loser of this game will have the inside track.

But, Jim Harbaugh’s hate for Pete Carroll is greater than his love of Andrew Luck.

Pick: San Francisco -5.0

Juana Wynner Week One Picks

Season Totals: 1-0-0 (1.000)

Pittsburgh @ Baltimore (-1.5) – The Steelers are cheaters who really aren’t that good at football. I hate them because they beat the Cardinals in Super Bowl 43. The Ravens got this one.

Pick: Baltimore -1.5

Cincinnati @ Cleveland (-6.5) – I’ve never understood why someone would name a team “Browns”? It just doesn’t make any sense to me at all. Pick: Cincinnati +6.5

Carolina @ Arizona (-7.0) – Arizona is my team! Even though they suck sometimes really really bad I got to support my states team!

Pick: Arizona -7.0

Minnesota @ San Diego (-8.5) – I love Adrian Peterson! So therefore the Vikings will win because he is such an amazing player.

Pick: Minnesota +8.5

New England (-7.0) @ Miami – Boston is one of my favorite states because I love the Red Sox! Even though I’m not much of a fan of New England I think they will win. They usually dominate their games.


Pick: New England -7.0

Colin’s Comment: I guess it’s better than her stating that “being high” is one of her favorite “states”, but yikes, I guess I am left with no choice but to blame the public school system.

The Rest:

Detroit -1.5, Chicago +2.5, Buffalo +5.5, Indianapolis +8.5,Philadelphia -4.0, Tennessee +1.5, New York G -3.0, San Francisco -5.5, New York Jets -5.5, Oakland +3.0

Minnesota @ San Diego (-8.5) – I love the Chargers this year, absolutely love them. Part of that love is based on my belief that the Chargers will start fast this year. Super Bowl contenders don’t mess around with bad teams like the Vikings. Sure, I am slightly worried that the Chargers will be looking ahead to the match-up with the Patriots in week two, but come on its Donovan McNabb on road, with less than six weeks to absorb the new playbook (not even close to enough time for him).

Pick: San Diego -8.5

Dallas @ NY Jets (-5.5) – This line has moved 1.5 points in the last day, but let’s be real a 4 to 5.5 point is almost worthless. See those bookies are sharp!

Pick: NY Jets -5.5


New England (-7.0) @ Miami –
I will admit it, I had this pick from the minute I saw the opening day lines. Of course that when the line was 3.0, now at 7.0. Plus with roughly 1 out of every 1 person is betting on the Patriots (81%) and this game being on Monday night, I am a little nervous. But my logic here is that Vegas is giving this week away. It is solid logic, every company is willing to invest in a free preview in hopes that you pony up cash to buy their product. Plus, if a person is going to invest in sports this season and decides that their line in the sand is $500, how do you get them to go past their line – by taking all $500 week one or allowing them to double their money week one? The latter, of course, will cause investor to “go for the kill” and will be more likely to think he can have another “week one” to dig himself out of any hole. Not that I would know!

Pick: New England -7.0


Oakland @ Denver (-3.0) –
Love John fox, hate the Raiders. My only regret is not having this game at Denver +1.0 like it was in the pre-season. That’s the Tim Tebow factor – he is worth -4 points.

Remember sports investors, Colin Wynner calls the winners!

Pick: Denver -3.0