A Fantasy Football Draft Day Running Log – Part II “Sizzling” Edition

OK, it’s on to PART II, trust me here the sequel is much better than the original, of the marathon 2-day running log capturing the excitement and pageantry of two live fantasy football drafts. This year features the 20 year anniversary of one of leagues with draft held in the fabulous outer layer of hell, Las Vegas. And as always Colin’s here to detail the events, while providing his expert opinion in calling the fantasy winners and losers.

With the first, painful leg of the journey finally over, we are on to the second portion including the details of the travel and the lead up to the draft.

12:05 PM – Home, packed and ready for an early morning flight to Vegas. I am re-watching the Seahawks battering of the Chiefs. Maybe I should re-think the Chiefs as my surprise winner of the AFC West or maybe the Seahawks are simply that good. I think the latter.

5:00 AM – I am running on adrenaline with a mere five hours of sleep. Shower, protein shake, grab my gear and I am off. My ride has graciously brought me an 800 calorie breakfast burrito. Good move by him, sometimes you can forget to eat in Vegas which generally means trouble.

8:15 AM – Flights on time, so far everything working like clockwork, good sign for bringing down a few blackjack tables prior to showing up for the draft. Hell, there might be enough time to do enough damage to get something comp’d prior to the draft.

8:30 AM – You know what pisses me off? The fact that I have to turn off my phone prior to takeoff, but I can use the $800/minute phone they provide to us. Goodness, if my device can interfere with the plane’s ability to take off, maybe we shouldn’t be flying, right? And if it screws up the flight plan and we end up in Billings, Montana, well then, I guess this draft just wasn’t meant to be.

10:30 AM – Bags checked at the hotel, on our way to the LVH to get down on some football futures and maybe enter the LVH SuperContest. LVH used to be known as the Las Vegas Hilton, but I guess the self righteous pricks running the Hilton decided they no longer wanted their name associated with gambling and pulled out (which makes me think of Terrell Owens and his ten kids. Bro, if you just pulled out half the time, think of how much of that coin you would have left!). To which the owners decided to stick it to the Hilton by renaming the hotel to LVH, essentially the same thing, only now it’s the Las Vegas Hotel. Well played, LVH, well played!

11:15 AM – I used to believe only degenerates bet on pre-season football, now I realize that the sports market is about value and it doesn’t matter whether it’s pre-season. By the way, I just laid $100 down on the WNBA Sun/Mercury under!

11:45 AM – Going for an entry in the SuperContest with a five team two way round robin and two first half NFL bets, which of course they won’t let you parlay. The first halves – Wash -3 over Indy (RG III v. Luck, in what I call the “Mine’s bigger than yours” bowl) and Dallas -3 over St. Louis (in what I like to call the “Free Money” bowl, because you know books love to give money away). The five teams on the round robin – Wash -3, Wash/Ind over 41, Dal -5.5, Dal/St. Louis Under 39 and Detroit -2.5 over Oakland. I don’t like the Lions, because I generally feel like home teams in week three play to win, but let’s go with it.

1:00PM – Oh the irony, I ran into a guy from Colorado, who is in town for a fantasy draft. Hmmm, interesting! After he told me how much his draft sucks, too time consuming, tired of traveling, hates Vegas,etc, he went into the story of how they decided to do the 25th in Vegas about five years ago. I thought, wow, after I did a simple calculation in my head, this must be the 30th then. I asked him, “What year is this, then?” He tells me it’s the 26th! Huh? I give him a confused look, to which he tells me, “no we came up for our 20th, now it’s a ritual.” Then I asked him why the draft sucks, he tells me, “Well, it blows traveling for a draft. And we basically just get a room, an over-priced room and that’s it. We could do that in Denver.” Ahh, I get it and I agree, right? If you go to Vegas for a draft it has to be memorable. All this happened during a piss break.

1:15 PM – This is a whirlwind trip to begin with, now we are casino hopping trying find a place to hammer out a few hundred prior to meeting at the draft. A couple things don on me as we are walking down the Strip – 1. This place is quite tame during the day, almost like a real city that you could actually enjoy. You never know at night it turns into a living hell!; and 2. It’s hot, like crazy hot. I thought how the hell do people go out in this heat walk from casino to casino, then sit down at a table to gamble without smelling like the unmapped floor of a peepshow? Actually, I am wondering if maybe that could be a strategy I should employ, like maybe I could throw the dealer off their game if I reek of BO, at the worst I would certainly get rid of the piss poor players. Maybe we should do a few 40 yard sprints prior to heading into the casino, then while still profusely sweating drain a polish dog with extra onions. Why wouldn’t that work? In the opposite case, if I am winning the pit bosses pull out any and all tricks possible to get me off my game, why can’t I turn the tables on those jags?

130PM – We decide against the sprints and head to The Paris to hammer out a few hundred in the last hour before meeting at the draft. I wander around the tables looking for my mark, but the tables are full of “groups” of friends and I don’t want to bust into a group that has been winning and have them start losing. So I wander and wander and throw away $60 on video poker and wander. Finally, we grab a couple seats at a $15 table with a 6-deck shoe. Twenty minutes later, I tell my buddy, “I love those $100 bottles of water”. I can’t escape fast enough, I feel I like I just spent the night in a French jail with two ex-cons who were captured after a failed escape attempt, For the record, I was the girl! Fortunately for us a successfully day of football investing will give us our needed stake for the SuperContest, so the table gambling is a mere luxurious sideshow. Time to head back to the hotel to check-in and relax while watching the Skins man-handle the Colts.

2:15 PM – The Skins and Colts are tied with 2 minutes remaining in the half, but the Skins have the ball at the Colts 30. I allow myself the luxury of uttering the words, “Worst case scenario, we got a push!” Are you kidding me, Colin? It’s like I got to Vegas and lost sight of sports investing rules, like rule #1 “never, ever say worst case scenario unless it truly is the worst case scenario”! Fortunately, I didn’t anger whatever gods exist in this place. And the Skins score a touchdown right before half to cash our first ticket.

3:00 PM – An hour until the draft starts, time for some pre-draft mingling at the bar in the place where the draft will take place. The mingling turns into business quickly as Fearsome Foursome and Beef Gravy All-Stars swing a deal for the number one overall pick. Fearsome gets the #1 overall pick and #28 overall pick (last pick in the second round), while Gravy gets the #7 and #17. I can tell Gravy likes the deal as the two gladiators shake on it. Fearsome gives me his take on the deal, “With the keepers in this league, #7 is no man’s land. It’s like Forte, Lynch or Charles time. If I knew I could get McFadden or Brees there, I wouldn’t budge but as I see it there is no way. And if I am left to choose, I will screw it up. Now I go Ray Rice. And the player I will get at #28 is likely just as good as #17 anyway.” Fair enough, let’s see how it plays out.

3:45 PM – Slowly everyone begins arriving. One big difference between the draft last night and today, as well as the previous year’s drafts in this league, everyone seems genuinely happy to be here, like they’re free from worldly constraints, if only for an afternoon. It’s simple, it’s Vegas, the drink that goes down smooth every time but comes out the next day key a jagged key!

4:00 PM – We make our way into the draft room like we are celebrities. Yikes, it’s smaller than I expected. And there are these damn A-Frame beams sticking out that just about dislocated my shoulder upon walking into the room. The first pick hasn’t been made and I might already be out for 4-6 weeks.

4:05 PM – Computer problems, space problems and BAM! – we have our first Vegas induced blowup. The commish and DA BOYZ go at it. I quickly scurry to the whiteboard to set the following odds (hell, I need to make up for that abortion at the blackjack tables):

The Commish punches someone in the face at any point during the draft: Yes – +800 NO -1200, probably, uh, not going to happen but he was close there. The one thing I am pretty certain has never happened in this league is a fist fight. Now that would be fun!

We lose an owner before the first pick is made: Yes +500 NO -750, much more likely given the exchange and the personalities involved.

The Commish strangles the “I/T” guy trying to get the display on the big screen: Yes +140 NO -160, this frustration is going to come to a violent head, it might as well be the guy who should be able to but can’t figure out how to get the display working.

4:10 PM – Whew! Crisis adverted, commish and DZ BOYZ are now making out in the backroom! I felt along it was just pent up sexual tension; let’s give them a few minutes!

4:20 PM – I’ve done some digging on the blow-up; here are the details, in chorological order beginning at last year’s draft – 1. During the 19th season draft, the Commish decides to have Vegas draft for 20th; 2. I come up with glorious plan to celebrate shortly after last year’s draft; 3. Planning begins, but buy in is low, commish hears about travel costs, room costs, costs, costs, costs. Commish at about a five, where ten is bye-bye aortic valve. At the 4:05PM post, the commish was running at a 12 but somehow the body amazingly was prepared; 4. It is apparent that costs are prohibitive to do anything more than rent a room, to which the commish takes on the responsibility to do, when someone, who shall remain nameless, gets bored with planning a plain-jane draft. Now it’s all on the commish and there is more complaining about costs, costs, costs and time and costs; 5. Commish settles everything, sends everything to league owners and, yep you guessed more complaining. Commish now considering double homicide and ensuing jail time, as a viable alternative to planning the draft; 6. Draft day arrives, commish holding steady at a 9 with aortic valve damaged but functional; 7. Commish is greeted with more complaining and TICK, TICK, TICK – BOOOOOOOOMB. Yup, that about sums it up.

4:30 PM – The commish asks everyone to give a little speech about their fondest memory of the league.

Fearsome Foursome – a trade that went horribly bad; partnered with another owner before that owner couldn’t take him trying to control everything. That was his joke, I know lame!

DA BOYZ – winning the league despite having a team that couldn’t carry the jock of Fearsome Foursome

Weekend Warriors – a trade that went horribly right, Larry Johnson, to hear him tell it, “he just needed a fill in player for a week, give me Larry Johnson for Amani Toomer” Priest Holmes gets hurt, LJ scores 18 touchdowns in 8 weeks, WW wins league easily. Fearsome just told me that he would go watch games with WW on Sundays and every score update was one of his players scoring and when it wasn’t he acted like someone kicked his dog; according to Fearsome, his players couldn’t score if given 7 opportunities from inside the one. “That was a magical year for him” – FF

Ragin Asian – Enjoys the draft, the bond with fellow owners.

Deamons – Winning the first season out, like this is easy! And looks forward to August more than any other time of year.

Holy Crap, it’s getting dusty in here. Man up, already!

Desert Girlies – Winning the Super Bowl twice.

Hawks – Enjoy the group, the draft and their championship.

Avengers – The Bills of the fantasy league, until finally breaking through and winning in 2009. Still enjoys the league immensely.

Sidewinders –Memories of the early days when teamed with Beef Gravy, not making the playoffs and not winning once they did. Looks forward to the league draft, it’s the highlight of his year, means the world to them. Liken Beef to Anakin, himself to Obi-Wan. I can see him as Obi-Wan, specifically the fight between Obi-Wan and Vader, where Obi-Wan waiting forever to swing his light saber at Vader thus giving Vader an opening that he didn’t neglect. Now if only we can implement that into this draft.

Beef Gravy All-Stars – So close so many times, feels he is on the verge. Referenced Ricky Bobby, “If you ain’t first then you last!”

Chefs – King of toilet bowl. “Real memories”, “Christmas in August”, goodness don’t let Wal-Mart hear that, they will have fake trees up in May. Helps him stay connected!

Convicts – Best memories were the previously brought up trades and the four rings, wants one for the thumb this year. Also, brought up bad moves that still sting – the aforementioned LJ trade and dropping MeMarco Murray prior to Murrary rushing for a country mile against, yup you guessed it, the Rams!

Junk Yard Dogs – Starting in the league just to help out a guy named Scott Carlson, then ended up taking over the team when Scott decided to retire. Also, mentioned that he appreciates the “hard time Bill gives him every year”.

4:39 PM – I can’t let the JYD memory go without some comments of my own – 1. Several owners gave a hearty thanks to Scott Carlson for leaving and bequeathing the team to JYD; and 2. This is a guy who frequently uses a gay voice that would make Richard Simmons seem like Jack Palance, what’s this “hard time” deal. Wait, I don’t want to know, that’s their business.

4:40 PM – Wait, do we finally have the display working? I thought maybe so because a fellow owner made a crack about the commish visiting a website called biggirls.com. OK, I think the commish is back to normal. I cringed when I heard the comment, thinking that it might light the fuse again, only this time he would turn into Nic Cage in Leaving Las Vegas and start turning over tables!

4:50 PM – 50 minutes into the draft and nary a pick. But hey it’s Vegas, where we have all the time in the world, right? Or at least until our money runs out. There are very few places that can turn rational thinking people into an irrational, impulsive mutant upon stepping off the plane, but Vegas is definitely one of them. Amsterdam is another. Hey, maybe if you secretly don’t like the commish, suggest that next year we have the draft in Amsterdam.

4:51 PM – And the first pick is . . . Ray Rice.

4:53 PM – Sidewinders on the clock – oh my, only 30 seconds. Crap, maybe this guy has a hooker waiting for him on the back end of this. Just remember, Sidewinders, “What happens here, stays here!” Well, except for certain STD’s, like herpes, which definitely doesn’t stay here.

4:54 PM – Weekend Warriors go all-in on Tom Brady this year. Safe to say if Bernard Pollard happens again, Weekend Warriors will have a miserable fantasy season.

4:55 PM – The first surprise of the draft – Matty Ice at number 6 goes to Chefs, who has Julio Jones, so I guess I can see wanting to pair the two, but at number 6? Safe to say, I have my loser for round one. I am not a fan of Matty Ice, he hasn’t produced a great fantasy year and certainly not one worthy of the number six pick. Again, I guess if you want him, you draft him when you have the chance. Goodness even the edge if off me this year. That’s a pick that I would ramble off roughly 1000 words on how it’s the biggest mistake of that owners life.

4:56 PM – Fearsome Foursome just let out a massive groan as he hears the words “Darren McFadden” with the 7th pick. Odds that FF goes on a 12 state killing spree if Darren McFadden is the top fantasy running back this year – +10000, here is a little inside info – take the chance, the guy is that volatile, if you mix his hyper-competitiveness, I can totally see him snapping!

4:58 PM – Another cross-over owner who survived the most boring draft in the history of drafts yesterday which is detailed in part I, is going all-in on a player, this time it’s Marshawn Lynch. Be careful big fella, Marshawn doesn’t have “beast” mode available to him when his wallet is fat!

4:59 PM – So the league had some scoring changes this season, most notably the passing touchdowns are reduced from 6 points to 4 points, yet that hasn’t deterred the run of quarterbacks in the first round – Rodgers is a keeper, but Brady, Ryan, Brees and Eli Manning are all first rounders. I am wondering if the Desert Girlies think we also implemented my rule change about coupling players together – like they think they get Eli, Peyton, Cooper and Archie’s retro points by taking “Manning.” Or maybe the missing partner is the brains behind the operation! It’s hard to bash a team that’s won two rings, but let’s leave it at that was a “nice pick” – for all the other owners in the league.

Pick

Franchise

Selection

1.01 Fearsome Foursome Rice, Ray BAL RB
1.02 The GSW Rule Johnson, Calvin DET WR
1.03 Sidewinders Johnson, Chris TEN RB
1.04 Weekend Warriors Brady, Tom NEP QB
1.05 Convicts Brees, Drew NOS QB
1.06 Chefs Ryan, Matt ATL QB
1.07 BeefGravy AllStars McFadden, Darren OAK RB
1.08 Daemons Forte, Matt CHI RB
1.09 Ragin Asian Charles, Jamaal KCC RB
1.10 DA BOYZ FROM NYC Lynch, Marshawn SEA RB
1.11 DESERT GRRLIE Manning, Eli NYG QB
1.12 Avengers Jennings, Greg GBP WR
1.13 Junk Yard Dogs Johnson, Andre HOU WR
1.14 Desperados Fitzgerald, Larry ARI WR
Colin Wynner calls the round winner and loser:
Winner Beef Gravy All-Stars, Best player available at #5 fell to #7
Loser Sidewinders, the running back formerly known as CJ2K, now simply known as CJPUSSOUTK

5:02 PM – Another “nice pick” – Andre Johnson. This “nice pick” is actually stated by several owners, some sarcastically. In all honesty, it is a nice pick, but I wouldn’t want Andre on my fantasy teams this year. First off, he is a huge injury risk; then, he is slightly over-rated, he has had a few monster games, but his seasonal numbers do not warrant where he generally is picked, thirdly, the Texans would be happy running the ball 50 times a game; and finally, the Texans play great defense, so the chance of them getting into one of those crazy 35-31 shootouts is minimal. Add it all up, and, if Andre stays healthy, you are most likely looking at about 80-1000-8, 228 points, which will be top 15 but not top three.

5:06 PM – Oh, wow, Adrian Peterson goes in the Beef Gravy trade spot. So, Beef two picks and a keeper in has McFadden, Peterson and Vick – over/under on games missed by that trio – 13.5. But if AP is 85% of “AP”, he is a steal at 17. And if by playoff time AP is AP, well then we can start engraving the trophy with Beef’s name. Wait, there’s no traveling trophy with this league. 20 years and no hardware? Wow, if I could go back in time, a la Biff Tannen, I would go back to the very first draft and tell the commish, “Trust me, you need a cup for the champions. And not just a cup, a cup about a quarter the size of the Stanley Cup, with enough room to engrave 50 or so champions. Just trust me, kid!” Now, imagine if we had a cup. The defending champ each would be antagonizing other owners by asking the servers to fill up the cup with beer. Then they would casually take drinks as the other owners watch in envy. And think about how much different the opening memories would have been – “Your favorite memory and one thing unique thing you did with the cup.” About the third “unique thing I did with the cup” story would cause the defending champ to spit out a mouthful of beer while grabbing the nearest bowl/can/cup for their puke. Oh what could have been!

5:11 PM – #ThingsIoverheardatthefantasydraft – “I have a knife but no fork!” Hmm, did you pay for the fork, it is Vegas after all? That’s extra, you know. And I have to say, it’s Vegas, the most decadent place in the universe and it’s a fantasy draft, WTF do you need a fork for? Pick up the food and eat it like a Neanderthal.

Pick

Franchise

Selection

2.01 Desperados Gates, Antonio SDC TE
2.02 Junk Yard Dogs Schaub, Matt HOU QB
2.03 BeefGravy AllStars Peterson, Adrian MIN RB
2.04 DESERT GRRLIE Nicks, Hakeem NYG WR
2.05 DA BOYZ FROM NYC Jackson, Steven STL RB
2.06 Ragin Asian White, Roddy ATL WR
2.07 Daemons McGahee, Willis DEN RB
2.08 The GSW Rule Cruz, Victor NYG WR
2.09 Chefs Green, A.J. CIN WR
2.10 Convicts Martin, Doug TBB RB (R)
2.11 Weekend Warriors Welker, Wes NEP WR
2.12 Sidewinders Colston, Marques NOS WR
2.13 Avengers Rivers, Philip SDC QB
2.14 Fearsome Foursome Marshall, Brandon CHI WR
Colin Wynner calls the round winner and loser:
Winner Fearsome Foursome, Marshall at 28 and after Colston, Green, Welker and Cruz.
Loser Junk Yard Dogs, Andre Johnson and Matt Schuab, what pair, if one spent 3rd and 5th round picks on them, not 1st and 2nd.

5:19 PM – Reggie Bush is picked, which prompts the vastly under-utilized, “We’ve got Bush!” Well played Data Entry Boy, there might be hope for you after all. Back to the “We’ve got Bush”. That is at least a 100 times better than the elementary “I like Bush” comment. And of course, that line is from Revenge of the Nerds, which I always felt was an under-rated movie. Look it’s not a masterpiece, but it delivers exactly what you would expect from it. And, Betty Childs was sneaky, crazy hot, right? There was Ogre, the aforementioned Neanderthal, who has parlayed that movie’s success into a series of Capital One commercials; I can almost hear Ogre telling everyone on Capital One set, “Do you know who I am? Do you?” And how about Stan Gable, who was the perfect d-bag jock played by Ted McGinley. I always thought McGinley should have had a better career, more similar to Brad Pitt than to Paul Walker, but for reasons unknown he never accomplished much more than playing Marcy D’Arcy’s husband on Married with Children. Anyway, I might be in the minority but that was a classic 80s movie! The nerds used their brains to out-think the jocks, now-a-days the same plot would undoubtedly include some kind of violent retribution where the nerd tortures a jock for 60 days in his basement before killing him.

5:23 PM – Ahh, Darren Sproles goes to Sidewinders. Someone did his homework and paid attention to the receptions rule change that gives running backs .5 per reception, as opposed to .25 last year.

5:29 PM – Is there anything better than taking a piss break in the middle of a fantasy draft and coming back to find that you haven’t missed anything? Sure, there roughly a million things better than that, but at this moment it was big to me.

5:31 PM – WTF? Who had the balls to order swordfish? Oh my, Sidewinders, if I wasn’t such a docile individual, I would come over there punch square in the face and revoke your man card! Please tell me how the broiled sea scallops, steamed vegatables and tossed salad with no dressing compliment that fine choice of entrée? That might be the single most disappointing thing I have every encountered in a fantasy draft. We need to stop the draft, get this guy a plate full of fried wings, and cheer him on while he devours them. It’s Vegas, man. Those wings will stay here, live it up man, you have permission to break the rules after all, this is Vegas!!!
5:38 PM – #ThingsIoverheardatthefantasydraft – “please spell that for me”. The pick was Donald Brown!

5:43 PM – Vernon Davis is the pick, huh, most people try to avoid VD. #NeverGetsOld. And oh, btw, VD is another thing that won’t stay in Vegas.

Pick

Franchise

Selection

3.01 BeefGravy AllStars Bush, Reggie MIA RB
3.02 Avengers Hernandez, Aaron NEP TE
3.03 Sidewinders Sproles, Darren NOS RB
3.04 Weekend Warriors Richardson, Trent CLE RB (R)
3.05 Convicts Jones-Drew, Maurice JAC RB
3.06 Chefs Turner, Michael ATL RB
3.07 Fearsome Foursome Smith, Steve CAR WR
3.08 Daemons Bryant, Dez DAL WR
3.09 Ragin Asian Lloyd, Brandon NEP WR
3.10 DA BOYZ FROM NYC Gonzalez, Tony ATL TE
3.11 DESERT GRRLIE Gore, Frank SFO RB
3.12 The GSW Rule Mathews, Ryan SDC RB
3.13 Junk Yard Dogs Bradshaw, Ahmad NYG RB
3.14 Desperados Stewart, Jonathan CAR RB
Colin Wynner calls the round winner and loser:
Winner Sidewinders, Sproles, the increase in receptions make him a steal in the third round
Loser DA BOYZ FROM NYC, Tony Gonzalez. Really? Ahead of Vernon Davis, Jason Witten and Jermichael Finley?

5:46 PM – Sidewinders is now if full Sidewinder mode, which translated means he is talking too long to make a pick. I get it, this is where it gets tough, but come on, hey wait we’re in Vegas, who cares! Take all the time you need buddy! But that does get me thinking of another classic 80s movie – Fast Times at Ridgemont High. And at the mere mention of that movie, you immediately think about the “Phoebe Cates coming out of the pool” scene, yup, you know I got you! I will confess I laughed so hard I thought I was going to die when after Mr. Hand tore up Spicoli’s class schedule prompting Spicoli to look him dead in the eye and tell him, “You Dick!” It came from nowhere, and to be honest, I snuck into the movie because I wasn’t old enough, so for a young teen, that was pretty, pretty, pretty funny. Anyway, in about five years or so, I might show up at Sidewinders house and pull a Mr. Hand – “Sidewinder, by my measurements you’ve cost me well over six hours, I am here to collect. You and I are going to eat fried food until you puke!”

5:48 PM – Beef Gravy is going through his nicknames, I like James Earl Jones for him, simply because he gets up to announce every pick in a voice that rivals James Earl’s for smoothness. But I think a more fitting one is Art Shell, almost identical now that I look at him, like maybe they were conjoined twins, who for health reasons had to be separated at birth, except Beef got 75% of the brain.

Pick

Franchise

Selection

4.01 Desperados Brown, Antonio PIT WR
4.02 Junk Yard Dogs Brown, Donald IND RB
4.03 The GSW Rule Rodgers, Aaron GBP QB
4.04 DESERT GRRLIE Gronkowski, Rob NEP TE
4.05 DA BOYZ FROM NYC Bowe, Dwayne KCC WR
4.06 Ragin Asian Ingram, Mark NOS RB
4.07 Daemons Jackson, Vincent TBB WR
4.08 Fearsome Foursome Wayne, Reggie IND WR
4.09 Chefs Davis, Vernon SFO TE
4.10 Convicts Jackson, DeSean PHI WR
4.11 Weekend Warriors Jackson, Fred BUF RB
4.12 Sidewinders Maclin, Jeremy PHI WR
4.13 Avengers Foster, Arian HOU RB
4.14 BeefGravy AllStars Crabtree, Michael SFO WR
Colin Wynner calls the round winner and loser:
Winner Desperados, Antonio Brown. I like him a lot this year; Book it, he will out-score all of the receivers in this round.
Loser Ragin Asian, Mark Ingram. Maybe Asian knows something we don’t about that Saints backfield.

6:00 PM – Break time, time to update the aforementioned football bets – winners, 1st half Redskins, Redskins side, Redskins/Colts Over, 1st half Cowboys looking good as they are up 17-3. Cowboys side also looks promising, but the under is in serious danger. The Lions are scoreless early. I am feeling pretty good about those bets so maybe I have time to sneak in a dozen or so hands $25 blackjack before the break is over.

6:08 PM – I knew it wouldn’t be long before we heard data entry boy’s gay voice. He actually does it well enough that you just never know. Hmm, what would happen to the league is one of the owners came out of the closet? That is an interesting question and before I am ostracized by the gay and lesbian community for my intolerance, let me state for the record that I am merely pointing how a significant, albeit acceptable, change to one’s lifestyle would no doubt change the dynamic of a league that has been in existence for 20 years. Good enough? Ok, on with the gay bashing – kidding, kidding. Anyway, you to figure that if one of the owners did come out of the closet it would have to be because they got caught just like Soprano’s Vito Spatafore got caught, wearing a tight leather outfit with a cute, blinged-out leather hat. Once caught the owner would sheepishly show up at the next draft. The question is would it change the dynamic? I highly doubt it unless the owners new partner was an NFL player with inside information. Would it be distracting? Not unless said owner brought their partner and became inappropriate, of course that could be said for a mid-life crisis owner who shows up with his new “girlfriend”, er, “paid escort” and they are all over each other.

Pick

Franchise

Selection

5.01 BeefGravy AllStars Witten, Jason DAL TE
5.02 Avengers Harvin, Percy MIN WR
5.03 Sidewinders Austin, Miles DAL WR
5.04 Weekend Warriors Finley, Jermichael GBP TE
5.05 Convicts Thomas, Demaryius DEN WR
5.06 Chefs Wallace, Mike PIT WR
5.07 Fearsome Foursome Johnson, Steve BUF WR
5.08 Daemons Romo, Tony DAL QB
5.09 Ragin Asian Smith, Torrey BAL WR
5.10 DA BOYZ FROM NYC McCoy, LeSean PHI RB
5.11 DESERT GRRLIE Pettigrew, Brandon DET TE
5.12 Fearsome Foursome Cutler, Jay CHI QB
5.13 Junk Yard Dogs Green-Ellis, BenJarvus CIN RB
5.14 Desperados Stafford, Matthew DET QB
Colin Wynner calls the round winner and loser:
Winner Avengers, Percy Harvin. Less focus on the running game with AP working himself back, means more touches for Harvin.
Loser Junk Yard Dogs, BenJarvus Green-Ellis. This is a first, calling the worst pick of the round a keeper, but why give up a 5th round pick for a guy you could draft in the 7th. And if another owner really wanted him bad enough to take him in the 4th round, well then so be it – it just wasn’t meant to be.

6:13 PM – Nice job, Pierre! Pierre Garcon is the pick. Isn’t that funny how a commercial can stick with you? The “Nice job, Pierre” is, of course, from the Miller High Life commercial where the man’s man tells us “It’s hard to respect the French when you have to bail them out of two big ones. But they do have something with mayonnaise. Nice job, Pierre.” Classic! And while we’re on the subject, here are five more of my favorite commercials:

  1. Bud Light Refs – Budweiser’s response to the Miller Lite referee commericials where a referee would interrupt a party where Bud Light was being served by throwing a flag and then announcing a penalty. Bud Light spun off the same concept expect fast forwarded the story to where the refs were gleefully escaping with the “skunky” beer that was actually Bud Light.
  2. Just about any of the Jack Links “Messing With Sasquatch” commercials though this one was always a favorite.
  3. About the time other airlines started charging for checked bags, Southwest came out with a commercial where a deep sea diving guide had a student under the water. The customer was trying to breath but was getting no oxygen, his face became panicked as the instructor told him, “Oh, air is an extra $35 dollars. Do you want that?” The student, obviously, was quite eager to agree to the charge. Another classic – the clam approach of the instructor was perfect as was the panicked look by the student,
  4. Bud Light Referee Training – Just watch it, I think you’ll understand the humor.
  5. Prehistoric FedEx – Funny and hits close to home, well for any of us who have had boss who was/is a total prick.

6:23 PM – That’s the way you do back-to-back picks – bing, bing! Not sure if there was a lot of thought in the picks, but there is a blackjack seat that has my name on it, so who am I to complain – this picks, Brent Celek and Santana Moss.

Pick

Franchise

Selection

6.01 Desperados Ridley, Stevan NEP RB
6.02 Junk Yard Dogs Young, Titus DET WR
6.03 The GSW Rule Davis, Fred WAS TE
6.04 DESERT GRRLIE Meachem, Robert SDC WR
6.05 DA BOYZ FROM NYC Garcon, Pierre WAS WR
6.06 Ragin Asian Tamme, Jacob DEN TE
6.07 Daemons Manning, Peyton DEN QB
6.08 The GSW Rule Wilson, David NYG RB (R)
6.09 Chefs Jones, Julio ATL WR
6.10 Convicts Hillis, Peyton KCC RB
6.11 Weekend Warriors Benson, Cedric GBP RB
6.12 Sidewinders Freeman, Josh TBB QB
6.13 Avengers Greene, Shonn NYJ RB
6.14 BeefGravy AllStars Celek, Brent PHI TE
Colin Wynner calls the round winner and loser:
Winner The GSW Rule, Fred Davis. Freddy might have a top five year.
Loser DESERT GRRLIE, Robert Meachem. Meachem is a poor man’s Yancey Thigpen, who is a poor man’s Javon Walker, who is a poor’s man Alvin Harper. Translation – he’s a bust in the 18th round, in the 6th round it’s a colossal choke on par with the 2004 New York Yankees.

6:28 PM – And there goes the first defense of the draft – 49ers. Look I am ok with a defense going here, but is that the right defense. I have my doubts, I mean think about the worst thing that can happen to you after this draft – you hit the strip and find one of these love lovely ladies ready to spend some “quality” time with you, but once you get to the point of intimacy you find out the lovely lady is a dude. I just puked in my mouth thinking about it. Anyway, I think that’s a little like taking the 49ers this early, you might think you’re getting Kim Kardashian, but in reality it is Kimbo Slice!

6:37 PM – We’ve got a race against time. We get booted at 8PM, if booted meant either get out or start paying 300 an hour with a two hour minimum. We’ve got 11 rounds to go, so roughly 8 minutes a round. Not. Going. To. Happen.

Pick

Franchise

Selection

7.01 BeefGravy AllStars Moss, Santana WAS WR
7.02 Avengers Decker, Eric DEN WR
7.03 Sidewinders Williams, DeAngelo CAR RB
7.04 Weekend Warriors Daniels, Owen HOU TE
7.05 Convicts Britt, Kenny TEN WR
7.06 Chefs Wells, Beanie ARI RB
7.07 Fearsome Foursome Heyward-Bey, Darrius OAK WR
7.08 Daemons Helu, Roy WAS RB
7.09 Ragin Asian Williams, Ryan ARI RB
7.10 DA BOYZ FROM NYC Roethlisberger, Ben PIT QB
7.11 DESERT GRRLIE 49ers, San Francisco SFO Def
7.12 The GSW Rule Smith, Kevin DET RB
7.13 Junk Yard Dogs Boldin, Anquan BAL WR
7.14 Desperados Little, Greg CLE WR
Colin Wynner calls the round winner and loser:
Winner DA BOYZ FROM NYC, Ben Roethlisberger. I am not sure how the Steelers are going to move the ball unless Big Ben throws 50 times a game.
Loser DESERT GRRLIE, 49ers D. A day after Jerry Sandusky was accused of heinous acts against young boys, I wanted to break out the “Damn, the Colts got the Sandusky shower treatment from the Falcons”, but I didn’t. Why? Too soon. The 49ers d here is too soon

6:43 PM – Jared Cook goes in the 8th round, hmm, I liked him as a sleeper, but then I realized there are no more sleepers in this world. You know you’re getting old when things like “I remember when you had to watch the games and evaluate the players to figure out your draft list. Now you can show up with a draft list from ESPN.COM and draft a playoff team. I hate fantasy football! I really do.

Pick

Franchise

Selection

8.01 Desperados Floyd, Malcom SDC WR
8.02 Junk Yard Dogs Mendenhall, Rashard PIT RB
8.03 The GSW Rule Gresham, Jermaine CIN TE
8.04 DESERT GRRLIE Gerhart, Toby MIN RB
8.05 DA BOYZ FROM NYC Holmes, Santonio NYJ WR
8.06 Ragin Asian Texans, Houston HOU Def
8.07 Daemons Cook, Jared TEN TE
8.08 Fearsome Foursome Spiller, C.J. BUF RB
8.09 Chefs Flacco, Joe BAL QB
8.10 Convicts Graham, Jimmy NOS TE
8.11 Weekend Warriors Rice, Sidney SEA WR
8.12 Sidewinders Keller, Dustin NYJ TE
8.13 Avengers Ravens, Baltimore BAL Def
8.14 BeefGravy AllStars Steelers, Pittsburgh PIT Def
Colin Wynner calls the round winner and loser:
Winner The GSW Rule, Jermaine Gresham. This might be the season Gresham catapults himself into the “Best TE” conversation
Loser Junk Yard Dogs, Rashard Mendenhall. Big surprise here, Mendehall about 6 round too soon.

6:46 PM – Time update, 10 rounds left and 74 minutes. No way we are making it, we’re going to get kicked to the curb which means we will be finishing this draft right in the middle of pimp gang pushing the business cards of the $35 hookers. True story, I was walking down the strip, and was handed five of these cards, which I thought was awesome because when I choosing a hooker I want have options. That’s not true. But what is true is that I head to a poker table, interrupt the game and drop my five “hooker” cards on the table while screaming “can anyone beat this Royal Bush” or “Read it and weep, suckers, I’ve got five pairs”. As I was thinking of all the possible ways to use these cards at the poker table, it donned on me, “Hmm, $35 bucks, huh, dam I would love to see what $35 really looks like, because I am pretty damn sure that it isn’t what is on this card.” And if it is what’s on this card, then she needs a new pimp!

6:55 PM – Wow, a really cool guy from the New York, New York just told us we can stay as long as we need. Awesome, that was all Sidewinder needed to hear! We will now be here all night! In fact, my guess is a few of the owners who were complaining about room costs didn’t get a room, so they’re hoping we actually can stay here all night.

Pick

Franchise

Selection

9.01 BeefGravy AllStars Janikowski, Sebastian OAK PK
9.02 Avengers Griffin III, Robert WAS QB (R)
9.03 Sidewinders Jennings, Rashad JAC RB
9.04 Weekend Warriors Washington, Nate TEN WR
9.05 Convicts Rodgers, Jacquizz ATL RB
9.06 Chefs Thomas, Pierre NOS RB
9.07 Fearsome Foursome Blackmon, Justin JAC WR (R)
9.08 Daemons Redman, Isaac PIT RB
9.09 Ragin Asian Blount, LeGarrette TBB RB
9.10 DA BOYZ FROM NYC Jets, New York NYJ Def
9.11 DESERT GRRLIE Manningham, Mario SFO WR
9.12 The GSW Rule Packers, Green Bay GBP Def
9.13 Junk Yard Dogs Moore, Denarius OAK WR
9.14 Desperados Tate, Ben HOU RB
Colin Wynner calls the round winner and loser:
Winner Junk Yard Dogs, Denarius Moore. JYD has a long way to go to make his team competitive but this is a start
Loser Beef Gravy All-Stars, Sebastian Janikowski. It would be interesting to look back on this pick and ask what if you drafted D. Moore instead, then went SeaBass when he should go, like round 18.

6:57 PM – Round 10, this is where it gets tough!

6:59 PM – That’s something you don’t see every day – a human being polishing off a second entrée within a single sitting. I ask the waitress what the record for entrees in a single setting by a single human. She gives me a blank stare, like eff you jerk off I’ve taken enough crap from you and your a-hole buddies tonight. But after a bit of teasing I reel her in, now she gets it, enough to start playing along. She must be a third year marketing major at UNLV, right? Isn’t every server/bartender/hostess studying to be a lawyer/financial advisor/doctor? And don’t you find out about that within five minutes of sitting down? Anyway, she tells DA BOYZ that he is one entrée away from setting the record for a single sitting. Right now he is tied with some odd 5 million people (of course, only half of those people are still alive). I urge him to go for a French Dip or, hell even the Swordfish, but I tell him if you go Swordfish it needs to be fried. He’s not buying and frankly he looks like he might not eat again for a couple weeks, either way, I don’t care if he ends up in a food induced coma tonight, I am getting this the record. It’s only so often you get the chance to experience greatness, I will be damned if I am going to let this opportunity pass.

7:02 PM – Oh lookie here, Chase Daniel is in the game for the Saints. Chase Daniel is Drew Brees backup, but I have to ask, “Can you really trust a guy who got caught on camera eating a booger?” Think about how long the odds are that you would actually get caught eating a booger on camera – first off, you have to eat boogers; secondly, you have to eat boogers almost all the time; and thirdly, you have to be on camera. A couple things about the clip – 1. This was against Nebraska, with the Huskers leading 27-13, so maybe he was so disgusted that his team was losing to such an inferior team that he self punished himself. Goodness, I was so grossed out by this that I actually wish he was an emo instead; and 2. He tries to be a little discreet by not just devouring the booger despite clearly salivating, however, the temptation is too much for him. Damn be the 95 players and camera on his ass. It makes me think that Chase is just one of those guys. You know a guy who openly admits that he smells his hand after scratching his anus, a guy who has no problem proclaiming that he is excusing himself to relieve himself in the restroom and a guy who has no problem digging for a juicy, blood spotted with a single hair in the middle ball of snot to tide him over until he can cough up enough snot to fill his boiler. Yup Saints fans, that’s your guy when Brees goes down. Enjoy that!

7:05 PM – I am sure this room has adequate lighting but we started at mid-afternoon, so we were relying mostly on natural lighting from two over-sized windows that take up almost the entire width of the room. However, those are about 75% covered with our draft board, which also blocks the view to the south end of the strip because who wants to see what’s going on the strip, certainly not the fantasy “geeks” in this room. But now the sun is going down and with the blockage for the mega-draft board it’s getting dark, so the server came in and turned on the lights. Literally, in unison, I heard at least four owners say something to the effect, “Oh, wow, I thought you were much better looking.” Nice!

Pick

Franchise

Selection

10.01 Desperados Henderson, Devery NOS WR
10.02 Junk Yard Dogs Bush, Michael CHI RB
10.03 The GSW Rule Baldwin, Doug SEA WR
10.04 DESERT GRRLIE Robinson, Laurent JAC WR
10.05 DA BOYZ FROM NYC Olsen, Greg CAR TE
10.06 Ragin Asian Cobb, Randall GBP WR
10.07 Daemons Nelson, Jordy GBP WR
10.08 Fearsome Foursome Rudolph, Kyle MIN TE
10.09 Chefs Eagles, Philadelphia PHI Def
10.10 Convicts Luck, Andrew IND QB (R)
10.11 Weekend Warriors Williams, Mike TBB WR
10.12 Sidewinders Lions, Detroit DET Def
10.13 Avengers Akers, David SFO PK
10.14 BeefGravy AllStars Quick, Brian STL WR (R)
Colin Wynner calls the round winner and loser:
Winner Weekend Warriors, Mike Williams. After a huge rookie year, Mike Williams jumped up to as high as second round consider last season, now he falls to the 10th. He’s somewhere is between – 6th round of so, with the potential to play to 4th round.
Loser Sidewinders, Detroit Def. Uh, this either has to be a homer pick or the swordfish was bad. What did they do to upgrade a defense that was solely responsible for getting Matt Flynn $26 Million.

7:12 PM – I decided to go with the Welker jersey for the day. It was definitely the right move, as I have logged more time talking while taking a leak on this trip than I have in my entire life to date. I attribute the attention to the Welker jersey, because no team has more gained more fans over the decade than the Patriots. And one more thing on the jersey, look it takes balls for a grown man to wear a jersey around in public, but I love it. I love posing as a fan of another team. Moreover, I usually have enough useless knowledge stored in my head that I can fool even the most die-hard fan.

7:20 PM – Just about every one of these drafts I hear something that makes me want to find a corner, scrunch into the fetal postion and grab my thumb. Yeah, it’s that horrifying. Well, that moment just happened as another owner told the commish, “You can’t get it up … ” {find your happy place, find your happy place}.

7:27 PM – We take a break to have another moment of dedication to the 20th of the league. I must say 20 years is very impressive, but WTF are these guys/gals going to do without this league? I had a chance to talk about this with Fearsome, who told me he feels a little like one of those kidnap victims, who forms a strange bond with his captors. He wants to quit, but he feels held captive by the league and in reality needs the league. Ah, what a puss, he’s pathetic!

7:30 PM – Someone, just took that little girl’s (Fearsome) player, Kendall Wright. Really, pal, Kendall Wright. I would be willing to bet that there are a dozen players either drafted after Wright or free agents who will out-score him. How’s that for BOLD! By the way that pick also ties a fantasy football draft record for consecutive picks of players named “Kendall”, Warriors can help us set a record by drafting Kendall Langford. Oh, what a buzz kill, Warriors has no balls and goes with Davone Bess. BOO, BOO, BOO!

Pick

Franchise

Selection

11.01 BeefGravy AllStars Vick, Michael PHI QB
11.02 Avengers Hunter, Kendall SFO RB
11.03 Sidewinders Wright, Kendall TEN WR (R)
11.04 Weekend Warriors Bess, Davone MIA WR
11.05 Convicts Simpson, Jerome MIN WR
11.06 Chefs Gostkowski, Stephen NEP PK
11.07 Fearsome Foursome Moore, Lance NOS WR
11.08 Daemons Thomas, Daniel MIA RB
11.09 Ragin Asian Crosby, Mason GBP PK
11.1 DA BOYZ FROM NYC LaFell, Brandon CAR WR
11.11 DESERT GRRLIE Smith, Alex SFO QB
11.12 The GSW Rule Moss, Randy SFO WR
11.13 Junk Yard Dogs Bradford, Sam STL QB
11.14 Desperados Baldwin, Jon KCC WR
Colin Wynner calls the round winner and loser:
Winner Avengers, Kendall Hunter. Huge upside, unless you believe Frank Gore and his cane can keep this job the entire year.
Loser Convicts, Jerome Simpson. You know a player shouldn’t be drafted when their namesake, O.J., has given up the hunt for Nicole’s killers to try to find Jerome Simpson’s game. IN related news, O.J. has sworn off mirrors.

7:38 PM – I keep trying to get DA BOYZ to order another entrée, I reminded him of Chevy Chase in Funny Farm with the “lamb fries” record. He’s still not buying I think if I slip some “Super Colon Blow” in his water, he will free up space to accommodate a third, and record setting entrée.

7:50 PM – Ok, the one thing I need to take up with the commish is that I was promised, if I showed to put together this novel of a running log, that I would be treated to a couple of hookers. Where the hell are the hookers? It’s the 12th round, the time is right.

7:52 PM – The log is getting a little racy and for the record, the 7:50PM post was a complete joke, so when beautiful wife reads this, honey, I was just kidding, I figured that at the 7,500 word mark most people need something to shake them up, to get them back involved – THERE ARE NO HOOKERS! Also, in the interest of full disclosure, just in case something goes horribly wrong in the next five years and some divorce lawyer is trying to digging up dirt on me – THERE ARE NO HOOKERS – IT WAS JOKE, JUST A JOKE!

Pick

Franchise

Selection

12.01 Desperados Leshoure, Mikel DET RB
12.02 Junk Yard Dogs Kendricks, Lance STL TE
12.03 The GSW Rule Amendola, Danny STL WR
12.04 DESERT GRRLIE Floyd, Michael ARI WR (R)
12.05 DA BOYZ FROM NYC Collie, Austin IND WR
12.06 Ragin Asian Palmer, Carson OAK QB
12.07 Daemons Winslow, Kellen FA* TE
12.08 Fearsome Foursome Fleener, Coby IND TE (R)
12.09 Chefs Starks, James GBP RB
12.10 Convicts Moeaki, Tony KCC TE
12.11 Weekend Warriors Fitzpatrick, Ryan BUF QB
12.12 Sidewinders Kaeding, Nate SDC PK
12.13 Avengers Dickson, Ed BAL TE
12.14 BeefGravy AllStars Ford, Jacoby OAK WR
Colin Wynner calls the round winner and loser:
Winner Desperados, Mikel Leshoure. I know the Lions don’r run much, but that might be because they don’t have a running back. Leshoure will get a chance to be the guy, four weeks before Best comes back.
Loser Sidewinders, Nate Kaeding. Dude hasn’t won the job yet. And guess what if he doesn’t, you either need to fill a roster spot with a useless backup kicker or take a zero week one. Fantasy geeks take note – Kickers are random, not worthy of single digit round picks nor worthy of being on your bench.

7:55 PM – I have to be honest another owner is trying to have a conversation with me, but I am not listening, I am fully focused on the Cowboys protecting a 20-12 lead with about 6 minutes left. I am so done with this draft; all of my attention is focused on this pre-season game that is holding my money hostage.

8:05 PM – Well done Dallas, well I know that if the Cowboys third team gets in any games this year, I should dump my retirement account against them. But I have to give a hearty thanks to Jeff Fisher who decided against overtime and kicked the extra point – 20-19 Cowboys, final. Under cashes, but side doesn’t. Oh and the Lions spit the bit, what a shock! So, 5-2 overall. Not too shabby, but probably not SuperContest worthy. The Cowboys can eat a turd sandwich with extra diarrhea sauce!

Pick

Franchise

Selection

13.01 BeefGravy AllStars Hasselbeck, Matt TEN QB
13.02 Avengers Scott, Bernard CIN RB
13.03 Sidewinders Ponder, Christian MIN QB
13.04 Weekend Warriors Jones, Felix DAL RB
13.05 Convicts Prater, Matt DEN PK
13.06 Chefs Jones, James GBP WR
13.07 Fearsome Foursome Hankerson, Leonard WAS WR
13.08 Daemons Burleson, Nate DET WR
13.09 Ragin Asian Dwyer, Jonathan PIT RB
13.10 DA BOYZ FROM NYC Royster, Evan WAS RB
13.11 DESERT GRRLIE Gould, Robbie CHI PK
13.12 The GSW Rule Dalton, Andy CIN QB
13.13 Junk Yard Dogs Bears, Chicago CHI Def
13.14 Desperados Pead, Isaiah STL RB (R)
Colin Wynner calls the round winner and loser:
Winner Chefs, James Jones. I have never understood why Jones isn’t more highly thought of in Green Bay.
Loser Weekend Warriors, Felix Jones. Nothing personal, Warriors, I just hate Felix Jones.

8:10 PM – Data Entry Boy must have a very easy going personality, otherwise, one of these drafts dude is going to show up and pull a “private pyle” on us. And not Gomer Pyle, the Full Metal Jacket Pyle. The latest is he tried to cut on the commish by asking him if his “balls had dropped”. The commish responded with checkmate, “Yeah, they have right in your mouth!” We got a tea-bagging going on!

Pick

Franchise

Selection

14.01 Desperados Miller, Heath PIT TE
14.02 Junk Yard Dogs Hartley, Garrett NOS PK
14.03 The GSW Rule Bryant, Matt ATL PK
14.04 DESERT GRRLIE Hartline, Brian MIA WR
14.05 DA BOYZ FROM NYC Hillman, Ronnie DEN RB (R)
14.06 Ragin Asian Cowboys, Dallas DAL Def
14.07 Daemons Henery, Alex PHI PK
14.08 Fearsome Foursome Murray, DeMarco DAL RB
14.09 Chefs Chandler, Scott BUF TE
14.10 Convicts Giants, New York NYG Def
14.11 Weekend Warriors Seahawks, Seattle SEA Def
14.12 Sidewinders Bullock, Randy HOU PK (R)
14.13 Avengers Sanders, Emmanuel PIT WR
14.14 BeefGravy AllStars Jacobs, Brandon SFO RB
Colin Wynner calls the round winner and loser:
Winner Weekend Warriors, Seattle D. I love them this year. Not as much as I love desk or lamp, but it’s still love.
Loser Sidewinders, Randy Bullock. Two kickers inside of 14 rounds.

8:15 PM – Ok, it’s starting to drag, so let’s float out another idea for a fantasy league. This one is a normal draft, either auction or snake, normal head-to-head schedule with playoffs. But no scoring based on accumulated statistics instead, all the scoring is done based on the advanced stat Win Probability Added (WPA). The idea is as each play takes place the probability of a team winning either, for the most part, goes up or goes down. The difference in those numbers is then attributed to the primary players involved in the play. At the end of the game all of the individual plays are added up to form one total WPA. Your team score is based on the total WPA of all your players. This is more indicative of the true value of a player and much less about, well a quarterback crapped his pants for most of the game, but then had two drives against a prevent defense and his fantasy numbers looked great. Here are a couple examples: Eli Manning against Seattle last season accumulated 26.3 fantasy points, good enough for 4th place on the week, but his WPA was -.20, which was more indicative of the crap game he had. In fact, his counterpart, Tavaris Jackson, outscored him in WPA .11 to -.20.

Pick

Franchise

Selection

15.01 BeefGravy AllStars Willis, Matt DEN WR
15.02 Avengers Vereen, Shane NEP RB
15.03 Sidewinders Powell, Bilal NYJ RB
15.04 Weekend Warriors Bironas, Rob TEN PK
15.05 Convicts Roberts, Andre ARI WR
15.06 Chefs James, LaMichael SFO RB (R)
15.07 Fearsome Foursome Bengals, Cincinnati CIN Def
15.08 Daemons Smith, Steve STL WR
15.09 Ragin Asian Jones, Taiwan OAK RB
15.10 DA BOYZ FROM NYC Cassel, Matt KCC QB
15.11 DESERT GRRLIE Hanson, Jason DET PK
15.12 The GSW Rule Brown, Ronnie SDC RB
15.13 Junk Yard Dogs Davis, Kellen CHI TE
15.14 Desperados Falcons, Atlanta ATL Def
Colin Wynner calls the round winner and loser:
Winner Weekend Warriors, Seattle D. I love them this year. Not as much as I love desk or lamp, but it’s still love.
Loser Sidewinders, Randy Bullock. Two kickers inside of 14 rounds.

8:23 PM – This is where it gets tough! Playing out the string – pretty much like the Red Sox are doing right now with essentially a minor league team playing at the big league level. I have to wonder if maybe some 90 years ago, this was a little bit how it was for the Red Sox. You know they dominated the 1900-1918, then they sold Babe Ruth and the franchise was never the same until 2004. You to think that most fans about 1922 or so thought to themselves, we will be back soon and, even if it takes ten years or so, we have been blessed beyond belief with this team. I may never see another Red Sox championship.

8:30 PM – Kicker Billy Cundiff was just taken. I wonder if Cundiff every was cornered in shop class by three bullies who stole his lunch and asked him “If this is your lunch why doesn’t it say Billy Cuntdiff on it.” Damn, Christine was another under-rated movie of the 80s. Mr. Lebay, “You shitter”, was classic, but by far my favorite part of that movie is when Arnie was pissed at his parents for not letting him keep Christine at home, so much so that he verbally assaulted them and stormed off. His dad chased him to “lay down the law”, and Arnie responded with “Get you mitts off me Mother Effer. {laughs and smacks dad’s face} I am hitting the sack!” Maybe that glorification of a rebellious spirit is why I have such a disdain for authority.

8:34 PM – Andre Caldwell after a lengthy delay goes to Sidewinders, 30 picks to go. It wouldn’t be a running log without the story (this is the year, I start to grow this story) about the time I took a little too long to make a pick and I got the “We waited that long for Mark Carrier”. To which, I chuckled and replied, “Yeah, it was tough, I came down to him and your mother. But then I remembered that your mother is worthless, so I went with Carrier.” He made a move toward me as though he wanted to dance, but before he got to me, I moved to quickly defuse the situation by offering gift. The gift? I purple felt bag with a drawstring tie. He read the knitted inscription, “Teeth” and calmly said, “Hey, thanks. What does this mean?” I responded “Well, if you take one more step toward me, it’s a place to put you fronts when I knock them out.” Five years from now, he will have pulled a gun on me and I will have gone Nico Toscani on him.

Pick

Franchise

Selection

16.01 Desperados Wilson, Russell SEA QB (R)
16.02 Junk Yard Dogs Patriots, New England NEP Def
16.03 The GSW Rule Nelson, David BUF WR
16.04 DESERT GRRLIE Cardinals, Arizona ARI Def
16.05 DA BOYZ FROM NYC Cundiff, Billy WAS PK
16.06 Ragin Asian Bennett, Martellus NYG TE
16.07 Daemons Jeffery, Alshon CHI WR (R)
16.08 Fearsome Foursome Best, Jahvid DET RB
16.09 Chefs Tannehill, Ryan MIA QB (R)
16.10 Convicts McCluster, Dexter KCC WR
16.11 Weekend Warriors Broncos, Denver DEN Def
16.12 Sidewinders Caldwell, Andre DEN WR
16.13 Avengers Hester, Devin CHI WR
16.14 BeefGravy AllStars Owens, Terrell FA* WR
Colin Wynner calls the round winner and loser:
Winner Desperados, Russell Wilson. Say hello to Despy’s keeper for the next five years. Oh that’s right we are going auction next year, so it doesn’t matter.
Loser Convicts, Dexter McCluster. Yeah. It’s round 16, but with Hillis, Charles, Bowe, Moeaki and Baldwin, will there be any room for Dex?

8:47 PM – This is where is gets tough – tough to see, tough to read, tough to speak, you know after almost three hours in a bar with a mandatory spending amount of $100 a person, with everyone is trying to eat and/or drink to that amount, you can fill in the blanks of why it gets tough right now.

8:54 PM – Someone just dropped the Duece, as in Early Doucet. You know it’s healthy to drop an early duece, as well as a mid-morning, late afternoon and pre-sleep deuce. That’s right four deuce’s a day. By the looks of most of the owners, the hotel bathrooms are going to be busy tonight.

Pick

Franchise

Selection

17.01 BeefGravy AllStars Schilens, Chaz NYJ WR
17.02 Avengers Bailey, Dan DAL PK
17.03 Sidewinders Hightower, Tim FA* RB
17.04 Weekend Warriors Grant, Ryan FA* RB
17.05 Convicts Massaquoi, Mohamed CLE WR
17.06 Chefs Tynes, Lawrence NYG PK
17.07 Fearsome Foursome Clark, Dallas TBB TE
17.08 Daemons Chargers, San Diego SDC Def
17.09 Ragin Asian Newton, Cam CAR QB
17.10 DA BOYZ FROM NYC Tebow, Tim NYJ QB
17.11 DESERT GRRLIE Goodson, Mike OAK RB
17.12 The GSW Rule Green, Alex GBP RB
17.13 Junk Yard Dogs Vinatieri, Adam IND PK
17.14 Desperados Feely, Jay ARI PK
Colin Wynner calls the round winner and loser:
Winner DESERT GRRLIE/GSW, Mike Goodson and Alex Green. The only thing between these two and a full work load is Darren Benson or Cedric McFadden.
Loser DA BOYZ FROM NYC, Tim Tebow. No way Rex allow this to turn into the Broncos 2011 season, no matter how bad Sanchez performs.

8:56 PM – ” ” – my notes were illegible for this entry so I can either go with an Eric Dickerson special, “Al, at halftime we’ve learned that water is wet. Back to you Al!” so I will go with another fantasy league idea. The rotisserie fantasy football league. Details:

  • Normal draft, either snake or auction
  • Weekly starting lineups
  • No head-to-head matchups, instead your team accumulates stats in various categories like Passing Yards, Rushing Yards, Receiving Yards, Total Points Scored, Turnovers, Receptions, Return Yards, Yards per Carry, Yards Per pass attempt, etc. Each team is ranked in those categories from 1 to 12 (for 12 team leagues). The points are calculated by adding one to the number of teams and subtracting the place in each category, for example, the team with the 5th most total points scored would receive 8 points for that category.

9:05 PM – It might be the best close to a draft ever – the “50K Hypothetical Question”, which I will now butcher the re-telling:

Son – “Dad, what’s the difference between a hypothetical and a realistic question?”

Dad – “Hmm, son, I tell you what, go ask your mom if should would sleep with the data entry boy for $50,000. Then ask your sister if she would sleep with board boy for $50,000.”

Son (comes back a while later) – “Dad, I asked them and they both said they would.”

Dad – “There is the difference Son, hypothetically we should be sitting on a 100K right now, but realistically we live with two Hos!”

Pick

Franchise

Selection

18.01 Desperados Morris, Alfred WAS RB (R)
18.02 Junk Yard Dogs Hardesty, Montario CLE RB
18.03 The GSW Rule Lewis, Marcedes JAC TE
18.04 DESERT GRRLIE Conner, John NYJ RB
18.05 DA BOYZ FROM NYC Bills, Buffalo BUF Def
18.06 Ragin Asian Doucet, Early ARI WR
18.07 Daemons Carter, Delone IND RB
18.08 Fearsome Foursome Barth, Connor TBB PK
18.09 Chefs Raiders, Oakland OAK Def
18.10 Convicts Weeden, Brandon CLE QB (R)
18.11 Weekend Warriors Walter, Kevin HOU WR
18.12 Sidewinders Hill, Stephen NYJ WR (R)
18.13 Avengers Titans, Tennessee TEN Def
18.14 BeefGravy AllStars Dolphins, Miami MIA Def
Colin Wynner calls the round winner and loser:
Winner Desperados, Alfred Morris. I personally witnessed this kid chewing up the Colts today. He is my hero!
Loser DESERT GRRLIE, John Conner. Do we get fantasy points for leading a band of human renegades against futuristic cyborgs? I didn’t think so.

9:10 PM – Draft over, I am out of here. . .Oh damn, we didn’t meet our minimum. Oh course, Vegas is getting theirs! $200 short and with the “eating machine” gone to cash some winning football bets we might be in trouble. Problem solved, we will order more drinks – wait does it count towards our total if someone has to get their stomach pumped on-site?

Here is the list of additional items ordered to bring to hit the minimum:

  • A “Top Shelf” long island ice tea; that drink is still around? Wow I haven’t heard of that drink since 8th grade. Anyway, why was this owner not ordering “top shelf” from the beginning
  • Patron shots up a kazoo. Personally, I wanted to go for the bottle of Dom, so I could “make it rain” up in this bitch.
  • Enough deserts to feed a third world country

Did we hit our total? Finally, whew! Just about everyone has a green look to them, as they try to swallow a mouthful of food like they are at the end of the Nathan’s hot dog eating contest.

Over/Under on total weight gain by the 16 participants – 79.5, just under five lbs a person. Not. Even. Close. Way. Way over!

Final thought – an owner stated towards the end of the draft, “I would be willing to come back to Vegas for the draft on milestone years!” That’s what I like to hear, see you all next year when the SFL will be old enough, 21, to gamble. Who doesn’t spend their 21st birthday in Vegas?

Fantasy Football Draft Day Running Log – “Dry Heat” edition

Here we go with a marathon 2-day running log capturing the excitement and pageantry of two live fantasy football drafts. One of those drafts is the 20-year anniversary the league better known as “Sizzling”. To commemorate the “Sizzling” anniversary the owners decided to hold the draft in the outer layer of hell, Las Vegas.

As has become tradition Colin’s here to call the fantasy winners and losers for each round, as well as provide inside information on what really happens at these drafts.

The first leg of the journey begins with the Friday night edition of the “Dry Heat” league, held at a place called Half Moon, where they have graced the place with pictures of random people playing sports with their pants half way down, exposing their crack, oh I get it “Half Moons”.

7:05 PM – With 10 minutes until the first pick is supposed to be made I can tell the crossover owners (five in total that are part of both leagues) who are either flying early in AM or, gulp, driving to Vegas the next day are getting nervous about the turnaround time. It will be interesting to see if the “day of” commuters for that league are at a disadvantage to the “day before” owners. I mean it is Vegas after all it might not be a huge advantage to be up there a day early, right? Think about one of the owners simply telling himself, “Ok, let’s hit a casino and have some fun. $200 and 2 hours is your limit. You lose the $200 you’re back in the hotel preparing for the draft. At the two hour mark, you politely excuse yourself to head back to the hotel”. Next thing said owner knows is its 6AM with them on a park bench.

Let’s set the stage on the venue – horrible lighting, not private as we have a group of about 10 or so that is giving us a look like “why are you infringing upon our time?” and we have Lou Diamond Phillips serving us. Pretty much an epic fail!

7:13 PM – Ron Is a new owner in this league when an owner dropped out at virtually the last minute for personal reasons. Huh? What person reason could ever prevent a person from participating in a fantasy league, I mean other than spontaneous colitis, I guess.

Anyway, Ron has been playing since 1984! Wow, 1984! That must have been something getting the weekly results on stone tablets delivered by the Pony Express on two Tuesdays after the week. Though I have heard that they used to have real time scoring via telegraph back in those days!

7:15 PM – And the first pick is . . . Still waiting. One interesting thing about this year is that “data entry boy”, the fine gentleman who volunteers his time to enter the picks into the computer is without his sidekick (kind of like Ace without Gary), “board boy”, the fine gentleman who volunteers his time to place the stickers on the draft board. We probably just lost roughly 75% of the comedic value of this running log. I am just warning you up front.

7:18 PM – Waiting . . . let’s try to predict the first round. Keepers that probably would have gone in the first round are Arian Foster, CJ.8K and Darren McFadden. Hmm, so given that I will go with the following prediction: 1. Aaron Rodgers, 2. Ray Rice, 3. LeSean McCoy, 4. Tom Brady, 5. Calvin Johnson, 6. Drew Brees, 7. Matt Forte, 8. Marshawn Lynch, 9. Jimmy Graham, 10. Andre Johnson, 11. Steven Jackson and 12. Maurice Jones-Drew.

I have it on good authority that if the first eight picks fall that way in order that Graham will be the 9th pick.

7:22 PM – Oh wow, wow! That is a shocker! Calvin Johnson is the first pick! I can’t see that over Rice or McCoy.

7:24 PM – This is really where it gets tough – at pick 1.3. And data entry boy already having problems at pick 1.3 – “How do you spell Rogers?”

7:28 PM – Pick #8 from a team named Blinkers On is Drew Brees, Cleveland Steamers on deck at #9 slams his notepad down loudly. Now that could mean one of two things – 1. He is gaming the other owner. The feeling a fantasy owner gets when they believe the just screwed a fellow owner out of a player is just below orgasmic. So how is does this con work? Well, let’s say an owner think he has hi-jacked another owners pick a few times early in the draft, his tendency, and that of all fantasy owners, would be to continue hi-jacking this guys picks even if it meant taking someone he doesn’t necessarily want. Once the “jacking” owner is in full fledged “eff-you” mode, the jacked owner has sucked him and can begin talking a little louder about his next pick and viola, the hi-jacking owner is fully under his power!; or 2. Steamers were legitimately screwed.

My guess is this was the latter – that was too much unadulterated anger to be merely an attempt to set up the owner.

And as predicted, the Steamers take Jimmy Graham with the 9th pick overall. Horrible pick, right? Well, let’s consider Steamers does not have a second round pick, therefore no chance to get Graham except at 9, the way the draft is going it appears that there will be plenty of RB available later, the league scoring benefits the TE and no Robert Meachem this year in New Orleans. Ok, forget that part about Meachem.

7:32 PM – Hakeem Nicks closes out the first round, and immediately his agent calls the Giants informing them that his client wants to renegotiate his contract.

Pick

Franchise

Selection

1.01 Convicts Johnson, Calvin DET WR
1.02 Annihilators Rice, Ray BAL RB
1.03 D’oh! Rodgers, Aaron GBP QB
1.04 The Dark Side McCoy, LeSean PHI RB
1.05 Clive City Council Forte, Matt CHI RB
1.06 Sugar Daddy’s Brady, Tom NEP QB
1.07 Show Me Your TDs!!!! Fitzgerald, Larry ARI WR
1.08 Blinkers On Brees, Drew NOS QB
1.09 Cleveland Steamers Graham, Jimmy NOS TE
1.10 Fighting Squirrels Johnson, Andre HOU WR
1.11 DA BOYZ FROM NYC Lynch, Marshawn SEA RB
1.12 Desperados Nicks, Hakeem NYG WR
Colin Wynner calls the round winner and loser:
Winner D’oh, lookie at what fell to me!
Loser Show Me Your TD’s, Fitz has first round talent, now we just need to tell Whisenhunt!

And the first pick of the 2nd round is Julio Jones. So far this draft is bringing to light that there is no value in running back this season, Julio Jones ahead of Steven Jackson or Jamaal Charles, that would have never back in the “RB/RB” days. Realistically outside of Foster, McCoy and Rice, everyone else is a crapshoot.

7:33 PM – Cam Newton goes in the 2nd, the surprise is that he was actually available and not a 17th round keeper like he is in just about every other league. The net effect of Cam’s once in a lifetime 2011 rookie season – Andrew Luck and RGIII will go about 10 rounds too early this season.

7:36 PM – I just realized that a keeper trade made in the off-season has allowed one team 4 of the top 26 picks, in addition to having Matthew Stafford as a keeper. So, after some investigation, someone paid a second round pick for Arian Foster and 16th rounder. Considering the owner of Arian Foster couldn’t keep him anyway, that is a “Herschel Walker to the Vikings” type of deal. And as we make our way to the end of the 2nd round, with three of those four picks – the roster is Brandon Marshall, Steve Smith, Ray Rice and Matthew Stafford. Clearly that is the favorite two rounds into the draft.

Pick

Franchise

Selection

2.01 Desperados Jones, Julio ATL WR
2.02 DA BOYZ FROM NYC Jackson, Steven STL RB
2.03 Clive City Council Newton, Cam CAR QB
2.04 Show Me Your TDs!!!! Charles, Jamaal KCC RB
2.05 Blinkers On Welker, Wes NEP WR
2.06 Annihilators Marshall, Brandon CHI WR
2.07 Sugar Daddy’s Jennings, Greg GBP WR
2.08 Fighting Squirrels White, Roddy ATL WR
2.09 The Dark Side Ryan, Matt ATL QB
2.10 D’oh! Hernandez, Aaron NEP TE
2.11 Annihilators Smith, Steve CAR WR
2.12 Convicts Cruz, Victor NYG WR
Colin Wynner calls the round winner and loser:
Winner Fighting Squirrels, Wow, Roddy White after Julio is amazing. I say Roddy is targeted more than Julio
Loser Cleveland Steamers,
no second round pick with a TE and a oft injured running back, not a good start

7:41 PM – There is a horrible vibe to this draft because – 1. The room is very dark; 2. It’s hard to hear picks as called; and 3. I just realized that ratio of male to female “half moon” pictures is about 50/50. Maybe this is a “Blue . . .” type of bar.

7:45 PM – Oh no, Steamers just made a critical mistake. I know a little about the history of this league, and it’s safe to say Steamers has dominated the league, winning two out of five years and having the highest career winning percentage. He is the Bill Belichick of this league. Well, that is until this year, where he has turned into Mike Martz. Either Steamer is trying to add a level of difficulty, like they do in Olympic diving or he is clueless. AP just went in between Clev’s picks of Fred Jackson and Ryan Mathews. Three weeks into the season, Steaming pile of roster crap won’t be able to trade both those guys for AP.

7:48 PM – Now I get it – this is a bizarro draft. It used to be a staple of every fantasy, running backs going early in drafts, but in this draft six RBs just went in the third round – and four of them are former first round fantasy running back. MJD, Doug Martin, Fred Jackson, Adrian Peterson, Ryan Mathews and Willis McGahee. Yeah, believe it or not McGahee was once drafted in the first round!

Pick

Franchise

Selection

3.01 Convicts Manning, Eli NYG QB
3.02 Annihilators Bryant, Dez DAL WR
3.03 D’oh! Jones-Drew, Maurice JAC RB
3.04 The Dark Side Martin, Doug TBB RB (R)
3.05 Clive City Council Colston, Marques NOS WR
3.06 Sugar Daddy’s Gates, Antonio SDC TE
3.07 Cleveland Steamers Jackson, Fred BUF RB
3.08 Blinkers On Peterson, Adrian MIN RB
3.09 Cleveland Steamers Mathews, Ryan SDC RB
3.10 Fighting Squirrels Wallace, Mike PIT WR
3.11 DA BOYZ FROM NYC McGahee, Willis DEN RB
3.12 Desperados Rivers, Philip SDC QB
Colin Wynner calls the round winner and loser:
Winner Fighting Squirrels, Wow, Roddy White after Julio is amazing. I say Roddy is targeted more than Julio this season.
Loser Cleveland Steamers,
no third round pick either.

7:51 PM – Some gay bashing by data entry boy – “Romo the Homo”, hmm, that’s the first time I’ve heard that. My guess is that was the number one cut on Romo starting in about third grade when one kid, sort of, knew what homo meant. You know the kid, the one with the swinger parents, who were very liberal with sharing sexual knowledge with little Johnny. So, even though the other kids had no clue what a “homo” was, it rolled off the tongue so well that they couldn’t stop themselves.

8:02 PM – Malcom Floyd goes in the 4th round. Maybe, just maybe, this will be the year that Floyd finally reaches his ceiling. Because you know that old rule about wide receivers in their 8th year. Or maybe everyone will realize once and for all that his ceiling is about 6′ 5″.

8:08 PM – What is this a state run league? We’re taking a break after the 4th round. Where are the four guys supervising data entry boy?

Pick

Franchise

Selection

4.01 Desperados Richardson, Trent CLE RB (R)
4.02 DA BOYZ FROM NYC Romo, Tony DAL QB
4.03 Fighting Squirrels Vick, Michael PHI QB
4.04 Cleveland Steamers Turner, Michael ATL RB
4.05 Blinkers On Jackson, DeSean PHI WR
4.06 Show Me Your TDs!!!! Lloyd, Brandon NEP WR
4.07 Sugar Daddy’s Gore, Frank SFO RB
4.08 Clive City Council Davis, Vernon SFO TE
4.09 The Dark Side Brown, Antonio PIT WR
4.10 D’oh! Floyd, Malcom SDC WR
4.11 Annihilators Bradshaw, Ahmad NYG RB
4.12 Convicts Green-Ellis, BenJarvus CIN RB
Colin Wynner calls the round winner and loser:
Winner The Dark Side, Honestly, I don’t like any of these picks in this round, but Brown has the best chance to be a fantasy stud amongst this group
Loser D’oh,
not a fan of Floyd in any round, but especially not in round 4. Goodness, D’Oh how could you pass up the “Law Firm”. That’s what’s called a two for one bash!

8:16 PM – Dwayne Bowe is drafted in the 5th. You know what Dwayne Bowe is like the worst girlfriend ever. Come on, if you’ve ever had Bowe on your fantasy team, you know I am right. Need confirmation? Here you go, talking about the girlfriend. For starters you’ve put her on a pedestal, you have to have her, so once you get her you think you’re the king of the world. And for a while it seems good, even great, but then she starts staying out late without letting you know where she is. Eventually, she doesn’t come home at all. Finally, you tell her you’ve had it and cannot stand it, she has to go. She crys, begs you to stay, followed by a week of doting on you. Of course, you’re back to being king of the world at this point.

But the pattern is established soon she’s back to her old tricks. You go through the process until finally you catch her cheating on you, finally you tell her “that is it!” Until, about a year later when you see her out at a club where she tells you how miserable she is without you, how she wants you back and things will be different. For those without live scoring – “pedestal” is Bowe producing on a week 17 the prior year, “seems good” is the draft where you reach to get him, “staying out late” is the first four weeks of laying an egg, “not coming home” is benching him while he has his best game to date, “begging and doting” is back in the starting lineup, going off for three touchdowns, “cheating” is single handedly destroying your fantasy team during the fantasy playoffs and “seeing at the club” is a year later where you talk yourself back into him.

Now think about it, why deal with the maintenance of a “Dwayne Bowe”, when you can have a very consistent, adoring, loving, faithful Jeremy Maclin.

8:20 PM – Four rounds in and there a few of these teams with some serious positional deficiencies. I guess not every team was able to fleece a second round pick for a player that couldn’t be kept anyway. Almost through round 5 and the following teams have one running back: Convicts with BenJarvus Green-Ellis, cue the fantasy expert with the “I like the law firm, but more as a number three or flex guy”, Sugar Daddy’s with Frank Gore, uh, I think I would bet that Gore ends up number two on the 49ers in running back fantasy points and Fighting Squirrels with Chris Johnson, honestly, there is a lot of hype on CJ this year but I’ve watched him in pre-season and it’s not much different than last season – dude does not want to get hit, period! So, all the talk from Munchak about “expect big things from CJ” this season is nothing more than an over-bearing, enabling mom ignoring her son’s obvious addiction to crack! Or something like that.

In addition, Cleveland Steamers goes to battle with Percy Harvin as their number one WR; and D’Oh has two receivers but at this point in the draft one would expect to have more than Eric Decker and Malcom Floyd.

Pick

Franchise

Selection

5.01 Convicts Thomas, Demaryius DEN WR
5.02 Annihilators Smith, Torrey BAL WR
5.03 D’oh! Decker, Eric DEN WR
5.04 The Dark Side Bowe, Dwayne KCC WR
5.05 Clive City Council Greene, Shonn NYJ RB
5.06 Sugar Daddy’s Jackson, Vincent TBB WR
5.07 Show Me Your TDs!!!! Foster, Arian HOU RB
5.08 Blinkers On Maclin, Jeremy PHI WR
5.09 Cleveland Steamers Harvin, Percy MIN WR
5.10 Fighting Squirrels Witten, Jason DAL TE
5.11 DA BOYZ FROM NYC Wayne, Reggie IND WR
5.12 Desperados Bush, Reggie MIA RB
Colin Wynner calls the round winner and loser:
Winner Desperados, Reggie Bush is no longer Reggie Bust
Loser The Dark Side,
Dwayne Bowe, good luck!

8:22 PM – Have I mentioned that this draft has a bad vibe to it this year? And I know it has been mentioned before, but this is where it really gets tough!

8:24 PM – Uh oh, Lou Diamond Phillips, thinking DA BOYZ was finished, just picked up a plate with enough carrots to feed a medium sized farm of bunnies for a week. DA BOYZ is not happy, not happy at all, he was saving those carrots for our next break after round six. Secretly, I am happy the server took the carrots, there are few things more annoying than listening to someone chomp, chomp, chomp on carrots while trying to concentrate on this ultra thrilling fantasy draft. Actually, maybe the chomping would have helped keep me awake.

8:27 PM – I cringe as the 2nd pick of the 6th round is Robert Meachem by the DA BOYZ FROM NYC. DA BOYZ relays a story to me about trying to trade for Meachem prior to the draft to make him a keeper for an 11th round pick. I tell him, 11th is a much better spot for him! Anyway, seems the owner who held the rights to Meachem wanted a third round pick. I know someone who would have paid that price. Clueless!

8:29 PM – “Does Steve Johnson play for Buffalo?” – Data Entry Boy. Two years in a row I have heard that comment about Stevie, albeit last year it was three rounds earlier last year. The thing is, while Steve Johnson is a common name, he is the only Stevie Johnson in the NFL and the only Steve Johnson who could be drafted in a non-IDP league.

Pick

Franchise

Selection

6.01 Desperados Garcon, Pierre WAS WR
6.02 DA BOYZ FROM NYC Meachem, Robert SDC WR
6.03 Fighting Squirrels Johnson, Chris TEN RB
6.04 Cleveland Steamers Johnson, Steve BUF WR
6.05 Blinkers On Pettigrew, Brandon DET TE
6.06 Show Me Your TDs!!!! Davis, Fred WAS TE
6.07 Sugar Daddy’s Stewart, Jonathan CAR RB
6.08 Clive City Council Heyward-Bey, Darrius OAK WR
6.09 The Dark Side Austin, Miles DAL WR
6.10 D’oh! Hillis, Peyton KCC RB
6.11 Annihilators Stafford, Matthew DET QB
6.12 Convicts Ingram, Mark NOS RB
Colin Wynner calls the round winner and loser:
Winner The Dark Side, Miles Austin, outside of some minor injury concerns that’s a great pick in round 6. “Nice Pick”
Loser DA BOYZ FROM NYC,
Robert Meachem, see Dwayne Bowe

8:29 PM – Crap, Seattle is carving up Kansas City in KC. I can see the drunken square bettors stumbling to the betting window to play the over on the Seahawks season wins, thus forcing that number north before I get up there and have a chance to hammer the over. Reason 1,103 why this draft sucks – I couldn’t head up to Vegas the day before to get acclimated to the altitude. The highlights from that game just showed a great catch by T.O. – coming up next to the Dry Heat league, Terrell Owens in the 7th round.

8:35 PM – Is there a more punch-able face in the MLB than Nick Swisher? Of course A-Rod has the “most punch-able face” in the history of the world, so we cannot include him in the discussion. But Swisher has to be right there, right? With that smart-aleck look on his face about 99.9% of the time, you know the one where he loves to be hated, like Derek Huff in Step Brothers, except without the abs of steel and, Swisher looks like he lives in Carb city.

8:40 PM – Peyton Manning is drafted in round 7! Steamers let out a “Let’s go Donkeys!” Good luck with him as your number uno, one whiplash hit and homie is going to look like a bobble head.

8:42 PM – Stevan Ridley goes in the 7th because you know the Patriots love to ride one guy. Here is a proposal for a new rule for next year – each owner gets the option of doing a one-time coupling of same position, teammates together provided that both are available when drafting. For example, an owner can couple J-Stew and DeAngelo Williams together, which means all fantasy points would be combined for the pair as one position. It would certainly liven up a draft like this, though you would have to think the first 12 picks would have to be couplings. Let’s think about what the first round would look like in a complete re-draft league:

  1. A. Foster/B.Tate – HOU
  2. J. Jones/R.White – ATL
  3. V. Cruz/H. Nicks – NYG
  4. M. Austin/D. Bryant – DAL
  5. R. Gronkowski/A. Hernandez – NEP
  6. J. Charles/P. Hillis – KC
  7. J. Stewart/D. Williams – CAR
  8. M. Forte/M. Bush – CHI
  9. F. Jackson/C.J. Spiller – BUF
  10. M. Wallace/A. Brown – PIT
  11. J. Maclin/D. Jackson – PHI
  12. A. Peterson/T. Gerhart – MIN
Pick

Franchise

Selection

7.01 Convicts Williams, Ryan ARI RB
7.02 Annihilators Young, Titus DET WR
7.03 D’oh! Moore, Denarius OAK WR
7.04 The Dark Side Brown, Donald IND RB
7.05 Clive City Council Green, A.J. CIN WR
7.06 Sugar Daddy’s Rice, Sidney SEA WR
7.07 Show Me Your TDs!!!! Holmes, Santonio NYJ WR
7.08 Blinkers On Wells, Beanie ARI RB
7.09 Cleveland Steamers Manning, Peyton DEN QB
7.10 Fighting Squirrels Ridley, Stevan NEP RB
7.11 DA BOYZ FROM NYC Gonzalez, Tony ATL TE
7.12 Desperados Tamme, Jacob DEN TE
Colin Wynner calls the round winner and loser:
Winner The Dark Side, Donald Brown. Getting a starting running back who will get the majority of the touches in the 7th round qualifies as a steal
Loser Sugar Daddy’s,
Sidney Rice. Bottom line this is a legacy pick, dude’s not going to be a factor again, regardless of how good he could have been.

8:45 PM – The 8th round, this is where it gets tough!

8:47 PM – This is more like a croquet match than a fantasy draft – translation – really, really boring.

8:51 PM – Nick Swisher might have the most punch-able face in MLB right now, but Roger Clemens has the most punch-able face in the world. I mean if given one free shot to the kisser of either, Clemens or Ayman al-Zawahiri, for me it’s Clemens every day and twice on Sunday. By the way, al-Zawahiri is the new leader of the al-Qaeda now that bin Laden has been killed again.

The mention of al-Qaeda, it really makes me wonder what is going on in this country that a mere 15 months ago the masses were chanting “U-S-A, U-S-A” and “O-BAH-MAH” after we got bin Laden. And yet those same masses are now the primary reason Mitt Romney has pulled even in the latest presidential polls.

Anyway, yeah, Clemens has the most punch-able face, even more so now that Raj has put on weight. And if Clemens were a chick wouldn’t he complain about, “When I gain weight it all goes to my face!” He is giving Hilary Clinton a real run for largest jowls on the planet. Or maybe, Roger is simply back on the juice and his head is growing at the rate of the illegal’s setting up shop in the US (well, at least they’re paying taxes). Clemens is on the news proclaiming Lance Armstrong innocence. Lance get ready for a supportive call from Clemens – “If you believe it hard enough, hoss, then it’s true!” Ok, Raja! Good God, just go away already!

Back to the draft – there was a mini-run on tight ends – Owen Daniels, Dustin Keller and Greg Olsen. I like Olsen to beat the combined score of Keller and Daniels.

Another break, at this pace I might just be able to leave from here to the airport.

Hmm, I see the Bucs plowed the Patriots tonight. Nice, everyone one of my sleeper teams is looking great the night before I can bet on them. And you know, the Bucs take care of the Pats in week three and all of a sudden every “Johnny D-Bag” is like,” you know that Bucs team might not be so bad, we should bet on the season win over.” It only takes a few bettors to make these bookies nervous these days, with the margins so tight and the reality that football is what keeps most books in business. Ugh!

Pick

Franchise

Selection

8.01 Desperados Daniels, Owen HOU TE
8.02 DA BOYZ FROM NYC Keller, Dustin NYJ TE
8.03 Fighting Squirrels Olsen, Greg CAR TE
8.04 Cleveland Steamers Blackmon, Justin JAC WR (R)
8.05 Blinkers On Benson, Cedric GBP RB
8.06 Show Me Your TDs!!!! Britt, Kenny TEN WR
8.07 Sugar Daddy’s Helu, Roy WAS RB
8.08 Clive City Council Boldin, Anquan BAL WR
8.09 The Dark Side Wilson, David NYG RB (R)
8.10 D’oh! McFadden, Darren OAK RB
8.11 Annihilators Schaub, Matt HOU QB
8.12 Convicts Gronkowski, Rob NEP TE
Colin Wynner calls the round winner and loser:
Winner Blinkers On, Cedric Benson. Why not? He looks to be the lead back in a fairly effective offense.
Loser DA BOYZ FROM NYC,
Dustin Keller. For someone who constantly complains about Sanchez. . .

9:13 PM – “And the run on kickers begins . . .” not really, it’s the 9th round, way too early for a kicker. Though I think, given the keeper rules, the days of taking a kicker with the last pick are over, those last few picks have to be reserved for the Cam Newtons, RG III and Andrew Luck type of guys that you can get late and stash.

9:14 PM – A certain lifelong Rams fan and noted Cardinals homer just took his second 49er of the draft – Michael Craptree. Reason #246 “Why I hate Fantasy football” – I fan of a team has become so numb that they draft players from teams they have cheered for before fantasy football. It’s like the ultimate hedge – well, if the 49ers crush the Rams but Craptree has a big game well then that’s ok because my fantasy team had a big game! Mark it down fantasy football will be death of the NFL!

9:13 PM – And the cherry on rookie quarterbacks is broken. RG III in the ninth round, meaning that with the current rules, he can be kept for two additional years. The rules state that an owner can keep a player drafted in 4th or later rounds for one year at the originally drafted round. In successive years the player can be kept for three rounds earlier until the keeper round is inside three. So, by pulling the trigger on RGIII in the 9th, the owner shorted himself one year of having RGIII. But it appears as though this owner is going “all in” on RG III, as this is his only quarterback.

9:17 PM – Mike Williams, WR, TB just went. Since there have been more than a few Mike Williams, WR, it got me thinking about another new rule – the first owner to draft a player gets all fantasy points for that name. Mike Williams gets you all the points for Mike Williams of Tampa Bay and the Mike Williams of Seattle.

9:18 PM – So, if I told you that a running back split would be the following – carries – RB1- 50%, RB2 – 40% and RB3 – 10%, receptions RB1 – 20%, RB2 – 50% and RB3 – 30% and goal line carries – RB1 – 10%, RB2 – 30% and RB3 – 60%, would you guess that RB1 went four rounds later than RB2? I should also mention that this team has QB1 who scored somewhere around 800 rushing touchdowns last season (14 actually). DeAngelo Williams is still available in the 9th round, Jonathon Stewart went in the 6th. Hmmm.

Pick

Franchise

Selection

9.01 Convicts Moore, Lance NOS WR
9.02 Annihilators Celek, Brent PHI TE
9.03 D’oh! Akers, David SFO PK
9.04 The Dark Side Washington, Nate TEN WR
9.05 Clive City Council Smith, Kevin DET RB
9.06 Sugar Daddy’s Crabtree, Michael SFO WR
9.07 Show Me Your TDs!!!! Griffin III, Robert WAS QB (R)
9.08 Blinkers On Fleener, Coby IND TE (R)
9.09 Cleveland Steamers Williams, Mike TBB WR
9.10 Fighting Squirrels Flacco, Joe BAL QB
9.11 Fighting Squirrels Wright, Kendall TEN WR (R)
9.12 Desperados Cutler, Jay CHI QB
Colin Wynner calls the round winner and loser:
Winner Desperados, Jay Cutler. Big time talent on that Bears offense, enough so that not even Cutler can screw it up.
Loser D’oh,
David Akers. OK, so even if David Akers is the number one kicker this year, is he really that much better than the second or third best kicker. And I would make a bet that Akers won’t finish in the top five.

9:27 PM – Felix Jones goes in the 10th round, I asked the Demarco Murray owner if he was upset not to get the handcuff. He told me he would rather have a zero than Felix Jones. Yeah, I think Felix is a little bit like Malcom Floyd, with seemingly endless potential but the reality is they just aren’t that good. In Felix’ case he wouldn’t be on an NFL roster if he attended any other college besides Arkansas.

9:29 PM – Bilal Powell is selected with the beaming owner proclaiming “he will be the starting running back by week three.” Hmm, yeah just like Delone Carter in 2011, Kareem Huggins in 2010 and James Davis in 2009.

Pick

Franchise

Selection

10.01 Desperados Rodgers, Jacquizz ATL RB
10.02 DA BOYZ FROM NYC Collie, Austin IND WR
10.03 Clive City Council Roethlisberger, Ben PIT QB
10.04 Cleveland Steamers Rudolph, Kyle MIN TE
10.05 Blinkers On Fitzpatrick, Ryan BUF QB
10.06 Show Me Your TDs!!!! Williams, DeAngelo CAR RB
10.07 Sugar Daddy’s Jones, Felix DAL RB
10.08 Clive City Council Gerhart, Toby MIN RB
10.09 The Dark Side Gresham, Jermaine CIN TE
10.10 D’oh! Starks, James GBP RB
10.11 Annihilators Powell, Bilal NYJ RB
10.12 Convicts Moss, Randy SFO WR
Colin Wynner calls the round winner and loser:
Winner Cleveland Steamers, Kyle Rudolph. I have to throw my boy Steamer a bone here, tough draft, but he might have netted a top 10 TE in the 10th round.
Loser Sugar Daddy’s,
Felix Jones. Completely worthless and psst, he won’t be the guy to take over if Murray gets hurt.

9:35 PM – Oh man, now that was a ballsy move. It appears as though the Red Sox and Dodgers have completed a mega deal that will send Josh Beckett, aka the cancer, Adrian Gonzalez, Carl “I used to steal bases, now I just steal money” Crawford and Nick Punto to the Dodgers. As a Sawx fan, I really, really hate to see Punto go! I guess the Dodgers are printing money over at 1000 Elysian Park Ave because they only way a team would ever take on that much useless payroll would be if they had money to burn. Do you think the bank that approved the financing for the $2 billion is getting a little nervous that this team won’t be able to make their payments? And how did the Sox forget to include John Lackey included in this deal, or was that the tipping point? The Dodgers said, “Yeah, we will take Lackey but you have to give us Middlebrooks as well.”

This is a win/win deal for both teams – for the Red Sox they shed 260 million in payroll for under-performing players. Simply put Carl Crawford was a horrible fit in Boston, but in LA where “there better things to do than analyze the swing of a player who relies on speed in an attempt to determine whether they can still hit over .300 when their speed is gone” he will be back to swiping 50 bags a year, hitting over .300 and playing above average defense.

Beckett’s time in Boston had come, but in the National League west he has a chance to shine. Just imagine being a pitcher in the American League, where most nights you have to face nine competent hitters. It’s grueling and for a pitcher who has lost his best stuff, well, it’s deadly. But now you get to go to the National League, where once every couple innings steps up the pitcher. Plus, most NL teams play small-ball, so they’re constantly giving away free outs. It’s like heaven. And don’t think he won’t benefit from being out of Boston and the limelight, either.

Gonzalez is the piece of this deal that hurts the most to watch leave, but again, one thing the Red Sox front office has done a poor job of in the past seven years is forgetting where they play baseball. The Sawx play 162 seasons each year and if they qualify for the post-season the intensity is tripled. Gonzalez isn’t ill-suited for that environment, but he is a west coast guy, he’ll thrive in LA, he was mediocre in Boston.

The Sox came out ahead on this deal if they received a box of autographed game used Magic Johnson shoes, the fact they got a couple top 15 prospects is a bonus.

Hey wait, I just remembered this is about football, yeah, football.

Pick

Franchise

Selection

11.01 Convicts Simpson, Jerome MIN WR
11.02 Annihilators Spiller, C.J. BUF RB
11.03 D’oh! Tate, Ben HOU RB
11.04 The Dark Side Finley, Jermichael GBP TE
11.05 Clive City Council Cook, Jared TEN TE
11.06 Sugar Daddy’s Cassel, Matt KCC QB
11.07 Show Me Your TDs!!!! Moss, Santana WAS WR
11.08 Blinkers On Nelson, Jordy GBP WR
11.09 Cleveland Steamers Royster, Evan WAS RB
11.10 Fighting Squirrels Thomas, Pierre NOS RB
11.11 DA BOYZ FROM NYC LaFell, Brandon CAR WR
11.12 Desperados Little, Greg CLE WR
Colin Wynner calls the round winner and loser:
Winner DA BOYZ FROM NYC, Brandon Lafell. Number two in Carolina, with a lousy defense and a quarterback who loves to throw. Plus, you have to figure Steve Smith will be hurt for a couple of games this year.
Loser Convicts,
Jerome Simpson. Everyone is a flier here, but I would rather have Lafell, Moss or Little ahead of Simpson.

9:40 PM – This is where it gets really tough – Round 12! Here is an idea for a new fantasy league, probably mentioned in a previous year’s draft log, but here it is again:

  • Draft takes place prior to week seven, say on a Tuesday
  • Same structure as this league – 12 teams, three divisions, play against average, etc.
  • Auction style draft with no keepers, every year is a complete re-draft
  • Everyone still plays a full season long schedule, including weeks one through six. Those lineups are submitted after the draft with the “max value lineup”, records are compiled up to that point.
  • Weeks seven through thirteen are normal play weeks with each owner submitted a lineup; the exception is that the double-header against league opponents is week 13 instead of week one

Essentially you have 12 “retro” games and 14 new games. Complicated? Yes, but the thing is you get six weeks to figure out just about everything in a given season other than who will be injured after week 7. Here is a short list of pluses:

  1. You know who is pulling the “I just got paid and have no desire to play” move, a la Chris Johnson.
  2. You can get idea of what teams actually have a good defense, therefore, it makes it easier to determine a how tough a player’s playoff schedule will be
  3. A random huge game, like Chad Henne’s 45 points in week one last week make him a viable target, especially if you settled on Matt Ryan as your main guy. Ryan scored 12 points in week one, his second lowest point total of the season. Henne is a 34 point bump, for say a couple bucks late in the draft.
  4. The auction would be freaking intense
Pick

Franchise

Selection

12.01 Desperados Mendenhall, Rashard PIT RB
12.02 DA BOYZ FROM NYC Cobb, Randall GBP WR
12.03 DA BOYZ FROM NYC Hillman, Ronnie DEN RB (R)
12.04 Cleveland Steamers Baldwin, Jon KCC WR
12.05 Blinkers On Amendola, Danny STL WR
12.06 Show Me Your TDs!!!! Locker, Jake TEN QB
12.07 Sugar Daddy’s Bess, Davone MIA WR
12.08 Clive City Council Leshoure, Mikel DET RB
12.09 The Dark Side Luck, Andrew IND QB (R)
12.10 D’oh! Baldwin, Doug SEA WR
12.11 Annihilators Jeffery, Alshon CHI WR (R)
12.12 Convicts Bush, Michael CHI RB
Colin Wynner calls the round winner and loser:
Winner Desperados, Rashard Mendenhall, here is the thing with Mendy, we know he isn’t going on the PUP, so that means within six weeks he makes his debut. Let’s say to get 100% healthy and in game shape it takes him four weeks. That means worst case scenario you have probably a top 20 running for weeks 10-16 for a 12th round pick. Genius!
Loser Show Me Your TDs,
Jake Locker. I not really sure why the Titans are going with Locker, he just isn’t that good.

9:45 PM – Heading to round 13 for the better part of the draft I couldn’t tell if I was at the library studying for a final or witnessing a fantasy draft. If there was ever a league that should draft online, it would be this one. Goodness why waste the time, money and energy to get together, when we could pull this off on a random Wednesday night!

9:48 PM – Steve Breatson is the pick, which makes that the third WR from the Chiefs drafted in the first 13 rounds. Wow, does everyone realize Matt Cassel is the Chiefs quarterback? Anyway, I wish that the Chiefs would sign the following players to complement Breaston: WR Johnny Juggs, RB Billy Titons, TE Tyson Rack and QB Freddy Nipps.

Pick

Franchise

Selection

13.01 Convicts Palmer, Carson OAK QB
13.02 Annihilators Vereen, Shane NEP RB
13.03 D’oh! Breaston, Steve KCC WR
13.04 The Dark Side Jennings, Rashad JAC RB
13.05 Clive City Council Quick, Brian STL WR (R)
13.06 Sugar Daddy’s Dickson, Ed BAL TE
13.07 Show Me Your TDs!!!! Bennett, Martellus NYG TE
13.08 Blinkers On Manningham, Mario SFO WR
13.09 Cleveland Steamers Hankerson, Leonard WAS WR
13.10 Fighting Squirrels Redman, Isaac PIT RB
13.11 DA BOYZ FROM NYC Hunter, Kendall SFO RB
13.12 Desperados Henderson, Devery NOS WR
Colin Wynner calls the round winner and loser:
Winner Desperados, Devery Henderson. Still a starting WR in a pass happy, run up the score offense.
Loser Annililators,
Shane Vereen. Vereen just limped off the field with an injury.

9:55 PM – Do you think that Isiah Pead has heard the one about “Isiah Peed himself”? Is that a Berman-ism – “The Rams hand the ball off t0 Isiah Pead ‘his pants’ and he scampers into the end zone.” Or “Bradford with a short dump off to Isiah Pead ‘the bed’ who takes to the house for a St. Louis touchdown.

Pick

Franchise

Selection

14.01 Desperados Pead, Isaiah STL RB (R)
14.02 DA BOYZ FROM NYC Dalton, Andy CIN QB
14.03 Fighting Squirrels Nelson, David BUF WR
14.04 Cleveland Steamers Freeman, Josh TBB QB
14.05 Blinkers On Lewis, Marcedes JAC TE
14.06 Show Me Your TDs!!!! Robinson, Laurent JAC WR
14.07 Sugar Daddy’s Gostkowski, Stephen NEP PK
14.08 Clive City Council Janikowski, Sebastian OAK PK
14.09 The Dark Side Sanders, Emmanuel PIT WR
14.10 D’oh! Blount, LeGarrette TBB RB
14.11 Annihilators Hartley, Garrett NOS PK
14.12 Convicts Prater, Matt DEN PK
Colin Wynner calls the round winner and loser:
Winner Show Me Your TDs, Laurent Robinson. Someone has to catch the ball in Jacksonville, Robinson was fairly effective last season in Dallas.
Loser Desperados,
Isiah Pead. Not a 100% sure he is going to get the carries if something happens to S-Jax. Plus, S-Jax is the guy and really doesn’t get hurt.

10:02 PM – Two more rounds, no comments, I just want to get out of here. Well, I guess I have one comment – “This is where it gets tough!”

Pick

Franchise

Selection

15.01 Convicts Massaquoi, Mohamed CLE WR
15.02 Annihilators James, LaMichael SFO RB (R)
15.03 D’oh! Winslow, Kellen FA* TE
15.04 The Dark Side Bradford, Sam STL QB
15.05 Clive City Council Thomas, Daniel MIA RB
15.06 Sugar Daddy’s Walter, Kevin HOU WR
15.07 Show Me Your TDs!!!! Crosby, Mason GBP PK
15.08 Blinkers On Bailey, Dan DAL PK
15.09 Cleveland Steamers Bironas, Rob TEN PK
15.10 Fighting Squirrels Royal, Eddie SDC WR
15.11 DA BOYZ FROM NYC Cumberland, Jeff NYJ TE
15.12 Desperados Feely, Jay ARI PK
Colin Wynner calls the round winner and loser:
Winner Clive City Council, Daniel Thomas. Round 15, if anything happens to Bush. Remember he was expected to be the guy last year.
Loser DA BOYZ FROM NYC,
Jeff Cucumber. Never heard of this guy and in general I hate players named after a vegetable.

10:17 PM – We only went 16 rounds and all but one team had a keeper, meaning that we actually only drafted 15 rounds of players but this felt like jammed the entire 61 rounds of the MLB draft into a single day.

Pick

Franchise

Selection

16.01 Desperados Sproles, Darren NOS RB
16.02 DA BOYZ FROM NYC Hanson, Jason DET PK
16.03 Fighting Squirrels Bryant, Matt ATL PK
16.04 Cleveland Steamers Murray, DeMarco DAL RB
16.05 Blinkers On Tate, Golden SEA WR
16.06 Show Me Your TDs!!!! Scott, Bernard CIN RB
16.07 Sugar Daddy’s Brown, Ronnie SDC RB
16.08 Fighting Squirrels Jacobs, Brandon SFO RB
16.09 The Dark Side Gould, Robbie CHI PK
16.10 D’oh! Skelton, John ARI QB
16.11 Show Me Your TDs!!!! Ford, Jacoby OAK WR
16.12 Convicts Hightower, Tim FA* RB
Colin Wynner calls the round winner and loser:
Winner Sugar Daddy’s, Ronnie Brown. Likely to get at least three starts, in a good offense.
Loser Fighting Squirrels, Brandon Jacobs. Gore, Hunter, Dixon ahead of him on the depth chart, plus they have a running quarterback – what value does Jacobs bring that they don’t already have?

Good luck to all this season, may all your fantasy dreams come true!

Fantasy Football 2011 – Draft Day Running Log

When I was extended the invitation to write a running log chronicling a pair 2011 fantasy football drafts, I jumped at the because after all I needed a column to kick off the 2011 season and what better way than a full day of a following every move of a dozen and half fantasy geeks. Plus, I was very interested in how the lockout would affect fantasy football.

As I see it, the lockout benefits the consistently below average fantasy teams, in fact I think it elevates them to the same level as the consistently competitive. Even the self proclaimed fantasy experts are clueless (I think you qualify as a fantasy expert if you somehow have suckered a legitimate company to give you a paycheck in return for your fantasy advice)! What does that mean? Well, I think it opens up the possibility of one lucky owner hitting what I will call the “fantasy lottery ticket”. What’s the fantasy lottery ticket you ask, well it’s when your first three picks don’t miss and in the 4th-9th round you get on the right side of every running back/wide receiver time share.

Here is the format for the running log, in addition randomly documenting the activities and comments of the draft, I will “Call the round winners and losers” at the end of each round. At the end of each of the drafts, I will post my division, playoff, super bowl and total points odds for that team.

On to the log:

11:54 AM – Twenty four minutes late getting started, but after an off-season of uncertainty, we have a pick and it’s a mild surprise – Aaron Rodgers as opposed to AP. The logic? We have that right from the horse’s ass, uh, I mean mouth, “with the quarterback scoring, I wanted the sure thing in Rodgers”. Quite true, with 6 points for all touchdowns, quarterbacks consistently liter the top 10. Of course that logic takes a dramatic turn for the worse if Rodgers decides to take a casual run through the middle of the Lions defense again this year. If that happens he will be one step closer to Chris Miller (rumor has it that Miller has directions to his house in his wallet) than a “sure thing”.

The other thing about drafting a quarterback at #1 with a WR keeper is your #1 running back will be someone like Ryan Mathews. Yuck!

11:55 AM – Fireworks one minute into the draft, as the second selection is Ray Rice, which “board boy” (board boy – the monkey that shows up to help with the draft board) responds, “Seriously”! Oh man, it’s on like Donkey Kong. Let’s get some reaction from that owner:

“Yeah, seriously is right! What I am thinking, I mean I’ve only won this league the last two years. And my winning percentage in five years is a Patriot-like .700, I’ve won three total point titles in five seasons. I think what that says if I want to take Jerry Rice at number two that you should quietly put the sticker on the board and then run as fast as you to move Jerry up your own, pathetic list.”

OK, thanks for the impressive resume, big fella, but the reality is AP is the pick at number two and taking Rice over him is how fantasy season get lost in the first round!

The Annilhilators sheepishly select AP at three, almost as they are afraid that “Super Resume” is going to change their mind.

11:59 AM – Another surprise at #7 – Steven Jackson, yikes! Ahead of LeSean McCoy. I don’t like that one bit.

12:02 PM – Matt Forte makes it into the first round and immediately demands first round money.

12:03 PM – A nine minute first round ends with Greg Jennings. Noticeably absent in the first round – Roddy White. Here is the recap:

1.01

1.

Sugar Daddy’s Rodgers, Aaron GBP QB
1.02

2.

Cleveland Steamers Rice, Ray BAL RB
1.03

3.

Annihilators Peterson, Adrian MIN RB
1.04

4.

Show Me Your TDs!!!! Johnson, Andre HOU WR
1.05

5.

DA BOYZ FROM NYC Vick, Michael PHI QB
1.06

6.

Fighting Squirrels Charles, Jamaal KCC RB
1.07

7.

Convicts Jackson, Steven STL RB
1.08

8.

Garage Stumbling Johnson, Calvin DET WR
1.09

9.

Clive City Council McCoy, LeSean PHI RB
1.10

10.

Desperados Turner, Michael ATL RB
1.11

11.

The Dark Side Forte, Matt CHI RB
1.12

12.

Blinkers On Jennings, Greg GBP WR

Colin Wynner calls the winner:

Clive City Council, LeSean McCoy

And the loser:

Cleveland Steamers, Ray Rice

12:05 PM – It’s a run on Chargers – Vincent Jackson, Antonio Gates and, ah, Desperados break up the run with Larry Fitzgerald. Chive City (Yea, it’s Clive, but one of the more creative things “board boy” did was jack up every team name) goes Phillip Rivers. Come on Carriage Stumbling go Mathews, let’s keep drafting Chargers. Nope, it’s Drew Brees.

12:08 PM – Some people call me, Maurice! As in MJD, or “Pocket Hercules” or “I have very little cartilage left in my knee and I feel like I may need hip replacement surgery any day now”. You gotta love the balls on Convicts – Steven Jackson and MJD – two guys with quite a bit on the odometer. Like Albert Ganz told Billy Bear, “You should have stolen a better truck, Convict!” And before I get a flurry of e-mails from those who wrote their doctorate thesis on the evolved relationship between Cates and Hammond, I know it was Billy Bear that called Ganz “convict”, but it read better than the racially insensitive “Tonto”.

12:10 PM – Cleveland Steamers draft Tom Brady, who looks to be in eff-U mode this season, similar to 2007. The surprisingly sensitive “Super Resume” Steamers reacts negatively to another comment, “I was hoping to get Brady as my backup”. Colin’s odds that Steamers drops dead of a rage induced heart attack prior to the end of the draft – 20-1, odds that he starts turning over tabling, a la Nic Cage in Leaving Las Vegas, 8-1.

12:11 PM – I love the pace of this draft so far; averaging 7 minutes a round, though how hard is it to select players in the first two round. We’ve a mini-break, enough time to check out who is in attendance – the Ray Rice twins are in da house, Joe Namath, a very shy Erik Dickerson (jersey is draped across the back of the chair) and the ghost of Anquan Boldin (Cardinals version). Pretty disappointing turn out, although the presence of Namath might bring some fantasy football groupies to the table.

2.01

13.

Blinkers On Jackson, Vincent SDC WR
2.02

14.

The Dark Side Gates, Antonio SDC TE
2.03

15.

Desperados Fitzgerald, Larry ARI WR
2.04

16.

Clive City Council Rivers, Philip SDC QB
2.05

17.

Garage Stumbling Brees, Drew NOS QB
2.06

18.

Convicts Jones-Drew, Maurice JAC RB
2.07

19.

Fighting Squirrels White, Roddy ATL WR
2.08

20.

DA BOYZ FROM NYC Blount, LeGarrette TBB RB
2.09

21.

Show Me Your TDs!!!! Gore, Frank SFO RB
2.10

22.

Annihilators Jones, Felix DAL RB
2.11

23.

Cleveland Steamers Brady, Tom NEP QB
2.12

24.

Sugar Daddy’s Best, Jahvid DET RB

Colin Wynner calls winner:

Fighting Squirrels, Roddy White

and the loser:

The Dark Side, Antonio Gates

12:12 PM – The third round begins with a double pick of Hakeem Nicks! That’s a costly double pick at $5, which goes to the Little Steamers college fund. And with the knowledge of Nicks off the board, panic sets in as Sugar Drawers (see I can do it too, board boy, accept with considerable more creativity) select Anquan Boldin.

12:14 PM – Steamers continue a bizarre draft with the selection of Steve Johnson, who called out God last year after he dropped a pass, something like “this is how you do me, after all I do for you!” I love the back-handed compliment to God, right? He actually reveals God’s sovereignty, by admitting that God had full control over the play and caused him to drop the pass. But what Steve didn’t realize was that Mike Tomlin had prayed and done sooo much more that week than Stevie, so what was God to do but have Stevo drop the pass. But I like this pick, God clearly owns Steve a few touchdowns! Man, I love twitter, especially in the hands of over-reactors.

12:16 PM – This draft has two fellas volunteering their precious time to help out and foe that I give them a heart-felt, sincere thanks, so keep that in mind while reading the rest of the log, Anyway, one of them has already been mentioned, “board boy” who has the challenging job of pulling stickers from the sticker sheet and placing them on the draft board. I think the commish picks up a couple drinks for this guy, but otherwise the only payment he receives is the ability to butcher team names and make sniping comments. The other fellas is slight evolved version of “board boy”, who runs the computer, entering the pick for each team as they are made, with that in mind we will call him “data entry boy”.

The most recent pick was Miles Austin. After about 90 seconds, “Data Entry Boy” frantically screams, “Stop, stop, Austin Miles is not on the list”. Damn players with two first names!

12:17 PM – Da Boyz from NYC break up the longest positional run of the draft (4 straight WRs) with his homeboy Shonn Greene.

12:19 PM – Peyton Hillis falls all the way to 31 and is drafted by the Convicts. First off, this pick is rated as the best pick in the draft by the ANWOFFL (Arian Nation Whites Only Fantasy Football League). Secondly, if Convicts is a Bon Jovi fan my guess is his favorite song is ‘Living on a prayer’. Injury risk MJD, possibly falling off the map Steven Jackson and late season fade Payton Hillis. Could be gold, could be steel, like a steel-toed kick directly to the nuts!

12:20 PM – Reggie Wayne is drafted at 35. 35! See how crazy this draft is going. Reggie goes after Brandon Marshall, Mike Williams and Dez Bryant. Even with the corpse of Kerry Collins or Curtis “I will soon be knocking on your door asking if you will hire me as a” Painter throwing passes to him, he has to be better than Steve Johnson, right?

12:21 PM – Bizarro draft continues – as Mark Ingram goes in the third round to Blinkers On.

3.01

25.

Sugar Daddy’s Boldin, Anquan BAL WR
3.02

26.

Cleveland Steamers Johnson, Steve BUF WR
3.03

27.

Annihilators Jackson, DeSean PHI WR
3.04

28.

Show Me Your TDs!!!! Austin, Miles DAL WR
3.05

29.

DA BOYZ FROM NYC Greene, Shonn NYJ RB
3.06

30.

Fighting Squirrels Bryant, Dez DAL WR
3.07

31.

Convicts Hillis, Peyton CLE RB
3.08

32.

Garage Stumbling Witten, Jason DAL TE
3.09

33.

Clive City Council Marshall, Brandon MIA WR
3.10

34.

Desperados Williams, Mike TBB WR
3.11

35.

The Dark Side Wayne, Reggie IND WR
3.12

36.

Blinkers On Ingram, Mark NOS RB (R)

Colin Wynner calls winner:

The Dark Side, Reggie Wayne

and the loser:

Sugar Daddy’s, Anquan Boldin

12:22 PM – In the words of Dick Enberg, oh my – Blinkers On just picked Chad OchoCinco. Colin’s about to start preaching, I mean preaching like “And the LORD reached out his HAND and grabbed AHOLD of ME and hasn’t LET GO” preaching. We can keep players drafted in the 4th round or later, Ingram might be a keeper, Ocho will definitely not be a keeper, why not flip those picks? Well, if Ingram leads the NFL in touchdowns this year, the league thanks you.

Now onto OchoCinco, I wish that Aaron Hernandez would have steadfastly refused to give up his number 85, which would have forced OchoCinco to take a different number. Colin’s odds on what Ocho would have done:

Changed number to 15 and last name to Quince – 5-1

Changed number to 18 and name to UNOOCHO – 6-1

Force Belichick to list him as a linebacker, take number 58 and change name to CINCOOCHO – 12-1

Retire – 1000-1

Take whatever number the Patriots will give him, keep his name and mouth shut and do what all malcontents do when they get to the Patriots – fall in line – 1-2

12:23 PM – Interesting comment on where to hang the draft board – Da BOYZ says put in up there (pointing to a TV screen), board boy looks confused and states, “that’s a TV screen”. Shockingly true!

12:25 PM – Dallas Clark is now off the board. Peyton Manning is now all alone in the “Green” room, shaking his head in disbelief.

12:27 PM – Fearsome Threesome is up – yeah, somehow Cleveland Steamers is confused with another team, from another league. You know because the same person cannot possibly think about having a different team name. Unfazed, Steamers take the ANWOFFL #2 overall pick (Wes Velker) at a bargain of #47.

12:29 PM – It’s never a good sign when all you hear after a pick is the shuffling of papers! Just happened with the selection of Kellen Winslow, Jr. The good news for Sugar Daddy’s – you can keep Winslow next year.

4.01

37.

Blinkers On Ochocinco, Chad NEP WR
4.02

38.

The Dark Side Bradshaw, Ahmad NYG RB
4.03

39.

Desperados Nicks, Hakeem NYG WR
4.04

40.

Clive City Council Clark, Dallas IND TE
4.05

41.

Garage Stumbling Bowe, Dwayne KCC WR
4.06

42.

Convicts Lloyd, Brandon DEN WR
4.07

43.

Fighting Squirrels Romo, Tony DAL QB
4.08

44.

DA BOYZ FROM NYC Moreno, Knowshon DEN RB
4.09

45.

Show Me Your TDs!!!! Davis, Vernon SFO TE
4.10

46.

Annihilators Holmes, Santonio NYJ WR
4.11

47.

Cleveland Steamers Welker, Wes NEP WR
4.12

48.

Sugar Daddy’s Winslow, Kellen TBB TE

Colin Wynner calls winner:

Cleveland Steamers, Wes Welker

and the loser:

Sugar Daddy’s, Kellen Winslow JR

12:34 PM – My favorite part of fantasy drafts is the post-pick, simple comment of “NICE”. Though fantasy owners will never admit, the simple “NICE” by another owner, not only validates the pick but also gives said owner Alpha-Male status, well at least until the next “NICE”. Well, that is until some wise-n-heimer decides to randomly dish out “NICE” comments for “NOT NICE” picks. That somewhat ruins the moment.

The “NICE” meter just hit 4 with the selection of Mario Manningham.

12:35 PM – “NICE” x5, as Matty Ice gets taken. Maybe it’s just me, but doesn’t feel like there are Matt Ryan type quarterbacks available on waivers every week? He finished last season as the #8 overall QB, but 15th is average points per week behind fantasy studs like David Garrard, Kyle Orton and Ryan Fitzpatrick. Sure he has a new toy in Julio Jones, but still I think he has been over-hyped since his rookie season.

12:37 PM – Ryan Mathews breaks the two pick streak of “NICE”. Although Mathews is merely in his second season he is in a make or break year. If he fails to become the GUY in SD this year, the Chargers will use a high pick next season on a running back and Mathews will be toast. Sad but true, running backs are not given much time to adjust to the league.

12:38 PM – Jimmy Graham closes out round 5, yea, I love that kid too but in the 5th round? I guess if you want a player you have to guarantee that you get him. If this were an auction draft, Graham would have gone for about twice his reasonable value – I heard several gasps (or more like “R U EFFING KIDDING ME”) when Graham’s name was called.

5.01

49.

Sugar Daddy’s Wells, Chris ARI RB
5.02

50.

Cleveland Steamers Harvin, Percy MIN WR
5.03

51.

Annihilators Foster, Arian HOU RB
5.04

52.

Show Me Your TDs!!!! Colston, Marques NOS WR
5.05

53.

DA BOYZ FROM NYC Maclin, Jeremy PHI WR
5.06

54.

Fighting Squirrels Wallace, Mike PIT WR
5.07

55.

Convicts Manning, Peyton IND QB
5.08

56.

Garage Stumbling Lynch, Marshawn SEA RB
5.09

57.

Clive City Council Manningham, Mario NYG WR
5.10

58.

Desperados Ryan, Matt ATL QB
5.11

59.

The Dark Side Mathews, Ryan SDC RB
5.12

60.

Blinkers On Graham, Jimmy NOS TE

Colin Wynner calls winner:

Convicts, Peyton Manning

and the loser:

Show Me Your TDs, Marques Colston

12:41 PM – “Tim Hightower”, “NICE!” x6

12:43 PM – Deangelo Williams is finally selected in the 6TH round! I’ve got 34 million reasons why that is a great pick.

12:45 PM – Sidney Rice is selected with pick #69, which coincidental is the O/U of fantasy points for Rice this year. Yea, I am not a big fan of Sidney Rice this year.

6.01

61.

Blinkers On Jackson, Fred BUF RB
6.02

62.

The Dark Side Smith, Steve CAR WR
6.03

63.

Desperados Daniels, Owen HOU TE
6.04

64.

Clive City Council Johnson, Chris TEN RB
6.05

65.

Garage Stumbling Hightower, Tim WAS RB
6.06

66.

Convicts Thomas, Mike JAC WR
6.07

67.

Fighting Squirrels Williams, DeAngelo CAR RB
6.08

68.

DA BOYZ FROM NYC Moss, Santana WAS WR
6.09

69.

Show Me Your TDs!!!! Rice, Sidney SEA WR
6.10

70.

Annihilators Stafford, Matthew DET QB
6.11

71.

Cleveland Steamers Mendenhall, Rashard PIT RB
6.12

72.

Sugar Daddy’s Addai, Joseph IND RB

Colin Wynner calls winner:

Fighting Squirrels, DeAngelo Williams

and the loser:

Show Me Your TDs, Sidney Rice

12:46 PM – Break time, I’ve heard good things about the burgers from a few of the owners. Unfortunately, the waitress must have thought today was opposite day because my burger is damn near raw though I ordered it medium-well. That puts me in a real jam because if you send back a under cooked food item, there is about a 100% chance that you will get an over-cooked item back. So, it’s between dripping blood and the risk of E.Coli or trying to swallow a hockey puck. Time for cliché man to make an appearance:

“I will stick with the burger that brought me”

“Look, it’s easy to blame the waitress or the cook or hell, maybe even the grill, but we win and lose as a team, I don’t point fingers”

12:57 PM – Interesting picks to start off the 6th round – Danny Amendola, who is allegedly the Wes Welker of the Rams offense and Cedric Benson, who is falling in this draft like he is hurt or facing prison time. Look, Benson isn’t a top ten running back, but I think the hate on the Bengals has gone way too far. This team is two years removed from a division championship, they have rid themselves of the drama-queen and a quarterback who was never the same after Kimo Von Oelhoffen launched himself into his knee like a Donkey Kong crazy barrel and their defense is still good enough to keep them in games. Add it all up and I think we will see Ced much closer to 2009, than 2010.

1:00 PM – James Starks of Green Bay just went, which would have been great if the owner announced the pick with, “I’ll take the starting Green Bay running back, James Starks”. Ryan Grant was drafted with the previous pick.

1:01 PM – “Nice job, Pierre.” Pierre Garcon is the first Pierre drafted. The reference is from an old Miller High Life commercial, where the narrator states, “It’s hard to respect the French when you have to bail them out of two big ones in a one century, but we have to hand it to them on mayonnaise. Nice job, Pierre!”

1:02 PM – What’s that smell? It’s a run on defenses.

7.01

73.

Sugar Daddy’s Amendola, Danny STL WR
7.02

74.

Cleveland Steamers Benson, Cedric CIN RB
7.03

75.

Annihilators Collie, Austin IND WR
7.04

76.

Show Me Your TDs!!!! Schaub, Matt HOU QB
7.05

77.

DA BOYZ FROM NYC Grant, Ryan GBP RB
7.06

78.

Fighting Squirrels Starks, James GBP RB
7.07

79.

Convicts Garcon, Pierre IND WR
7.08

80.

Garage Stumbling Jones, Julio ATL WR (R)
7.09

81.

Clive City Council Green, A.J. CIN WR (R)
7.10

82.

Desperados Burress, Plaxico NYJ WR
7.11

83.

The Dark Side Floyd, Malcom SDC WR
7.12

84.

Blinkers On Sims-Walker, Mike STL WR

Colin Wynner calls winner:

Cleveland Steamers, Cedric Benson

and the loser:

Sugar Daddy’s, Danny Amendola

1:05 PM – The, intentional, name butchering by “board boy” is starting to get annoying to even an easy going guy like me – the latest – Fearsome Foreskin, which could be somewhat funny, if there was actually a team in this league with a similar name, but the closest team to that name would beeither Fighting Squirrels or Clive City. At this point I wish we had a mute running the draft board! The owners are stuck in middle of inane comments from board boy and data entry boy’s gay voice inflection that would make Eddie Murphy’s “Ramon” bit from Beverly Hills Cop seem Jack Palance masculine. Only 26 rounds to go, of course, we get to replace these guys at the end of the first draft, so we got that going for us.

1:08 PM – The Gronk is selected setting up the classic line, “You know we don’t get points successful blocks” and “I’ll take the pass catching tight end in New England, Aaron Hernandez”.

1:09 PM – Ah, there is the first defense – the Green Bay Packers. Interesting, not sure that’s the defense I would select to break the cherry.

1:11 PM – Data Entry Boy – “Did Lee Evans get traded?” I need him and 10 guys just like him for my 12 team $10,000 a team, winner take all league.

8.01

85.

Blinkers On

Manning, Eli NYG QB

8.02

86.

The Dark Side

Freeman, Josh TBB QB

8.03

87.

Desperados

Tolbert, Mike SDC RB

8.04

88.

Clive City Council

Thomas, Daniel MIA RB (R)

8.05

89.

Garage Stumbling

Moore, Lance NOS WR

8.06

90.

Convicts

Gronkowski, Rob NEP TE

8.07

91.

Fighting Squirrels

Pettigrew, Brandon DET TE

8.08

92.

DA BOYZ FROM NYC

Tomlinson, LaDainian NYJ RB

8.09

93.

Show Me Your TDs!!!!

Packers, Green Bay GBP Def

8.10

94.

Annihilators

Steelers, Pittsburgh PIT Def

8.11

95.

Cleveland Steamers

Evans, Lee BAL WR

8.12

96.

Sugar Daddy’s

Lewis, Marcedes JAC TE

Colin Wynner calls winner:

Desperados, Mike Tolbert

and the loser:

Convicts, Ron Gronkowski

1:13 PM – Dustin Keller goes with the 4th pick of the 9th round and, of course, we get a comment from “the help”, “Dustin Keller is Helen Kellers great uncle”. Holy freaking crap, for that to have happened this would have to be the scenario – over a hundred and fifty years ago Dustin Keller was out hunting on the plains, when he slipped and fell into a crevasse, where he was frozen solid. In 2002, he was discovered by scientists and thawed out. He then attended Purdue University, was drafted by the NFL and became. . .Unfrozen Caveman Tight End!

Either that or they meant to say he is Helen Keller’s great-great-great nephew.

1:16 PM – Nice job, Pierre, part II. As Pierre Thomas is taken, six rounds after Mark Ingram and by the same team. I predict that owning both guys is going to drive Blinkers nuts the entire season, to the point that eventually both will be in their starting lineup.

1:17 PM – Tony Gonzalez is taken. I remember Jerry Rice holding on too long, to the point where he was being effectively covered by linebackers. The Bears defensive coordinated is installed a special defense where the nose tackle is going to have coverage responsibility on the tight end. Time to hang ’em up Tony!

1:19 PM – “The Law Firm” is drafted, aka, BenJarvus Green-Ellis.

9.01

97.

Sugar Daddy’s Knox, Johnny CHI WR

9.02

98.

Cleveland Steamers Stewart, Jonathan CAR RB

9.03

99.

Annihilators Spiller, C.J. BUF RB

9.04

100.

Show Me Your TDs!!!! Keller, Dustin NYJ TE

9.05

101.

DA BOYZ FROM NYC Jets, New York NYJ Def

9.06

102.

Blinkers On Thomas, Pierre NOS RB

9.07

103.

Convicts Bush, Reggie MIA RB

9.08

104.

Garage Stumbling Meachem, Robert NOS WR

9.09

105.

Clive City Council Bears, Chicago CHI Def

9.10

106.

Annihilators Gonzalez, Tony ATL TE

9.11

107.

The Dark Side Cutler, Jay CHI QB

9.12

108.

Blinkers On Green-Ellis, BenJarvus NEP RB
Colin Wynner calls winner:

Blinkers On, Pierre Thomas

and the loser:

Annihilators, Tony Gonzalez

1:27 PM – The draft is starting to drag. The most interesting thing that happen this round is the selection of Braylon Edwards by Steamers. Apparently, Steamers tagged Edwards with the nickname “Kid Drop” during his abomination of a season in 2008. You know the one where he dropped like five balls a game, had 10 games of less than 10 points and scored three touchdowns. Wow, a season like that is unforgivable, but Steamers has found it in his heart to forgive or maybe he just forgot because his draft has gone south from the moment he decided to take Ray Rice over Adrian Peterson. What he needs right now is a Men In Black mind eraser pen. Think about it – it would work on several levels, he could quickly switch the Rice pick in the computer and blame the jacked up board (where the stickers are permanent) on board boy.

That aisde, Braylon is un-draftable this year as he is at best the third option (V. Davis is a clear-cut #1 and for some reason, the 49ers think the Craptree is a legit receiver) on a team with no quarterback.

10.01

109.

Fighting Squirrels

Olsen, Greg CAR TE

10.02

110.

The Dark Side

Jacobs, Brandon NYG RB

10.03

111.

Desperados

Branch, Deion NEP WR

10.04

112.

Clive City Council

Ford, Jacoby OAK WR

10.05

113.

Garage Stumbling

Jennings, Rashad JAC RB

10.06

114.

Convicts

Burleson, Nate DET WR

10.07

115.

Blinkers On

Miller, Zach SEA TE

10.08

116.

DA BOYZ FROM NYC

Celek, Brent PHI TE

10.09

117.

Show Me Your TDs!!!!

Woodhead, Danny NEP RB

10.10

118.

Annihilators

Carter, Delone IND RB (R)

10.11

119.

Cleveland Steamers

Edwards, Braylon SFO WR

10.12

120.

Sugar Daddy’s

Britt, Kenny TEN WR

Colin Wynner calls winner: Blinkers On, Pierre Thomas

And the loser: Cleveland Steamers, Braylon Edwards

1:32 PM – With tight ends running thin Steamers reach for an oft-injured Chris Cooley. Remember Steamers, no bonus points are awarded for having a hot wife or exposing your junk on the internet.

1:33 PM – Roy Williams is taken. Poor Roy, his off-season included being jettisoned from the Cowboys and having his girlfriend reject his marriage proposal, but try to keep the $65,000 ring. How bad it that? Well, I am guessing the she contemplated actually marrying him just for the ring, setting him up to cheat on her, divorcing him and getting the ring. But she decided that she couldn’t even bear being married to him for one minute. OUCH!

1:37 PM – Greg Little is selected right before Jordy Nelson. Who the hell is Greg Little and why is he being drafted in the 11th round?

11.01

121.

Sugar Daddy’s

Chargers, San Diego SDC Def

11.02

122.

Cleveland Steamers

Cooley, Chris WAS TE

11.03

123.

Desperados

Bradford, Sam STL QB

11.04

124.

Show Me Your TDs!!!!

Cassel, Matt KCC QB

11.05

125.

DA BOYZ FROM NYC

Williams, Roy CHI WR

11.06

126.

Fighting Squirrels

Flacco, Joe BAL QB

11.07

127.

Convicts

Kolb, Kevin ARI QB

11.08

128.

Garage Stumbling

McFadden, Darren OAK RB

11.09

129.

Clive City Council

Ringer, Javon TEN RB

11.10

130.

Desperados

Patriots, New England NEP Def

11.11

131.

The Dark Side

Little, Greg CLE WR (R)

11.12

132.

Blinkers On

Nelson, Jordy GBP WR

Colin Wynner calls winner: Convicts, Kevin Kolb

And the loser: Cleveland Steamers, Chris Cooley

1:39 PM – Michael Crabtree nets the 7th “NICE” of the draft. Here’s the deal with Crabtree, he just doesn’t look athletic at all, in fact he looks gangly and un-coordinated (honestly watch him run a route, then watch Andre Johsnon run a route – it’s not close), that it feels like an average athletic corner can completely shut him down. Wow, that 49er team is a mess.

1:40 PM – Whacha talkin’ bout Willis? McGahee is selected, it doesn’t warrant a nice, but it should.

1:42 PM – 12th round is no place for a kicker. Seriously, the difference between the best and worst kicker every year is less than three points a week. And the best kicker changes significantly from year-to-year, i.e. it’s completely random. Need more proof this is too early – the next kicker won’t be taken until the 15th round at the earliest.

1:45 PM – So, Steamers has won this league two straight years? Really, if not for the SeaBass pick, Steamers would have the third straight loser pick with the Emmanuel Sanders. I guess Steamers isn’t too worried about having players available for week one.

12.01

133.

Blinkers On

Ravens, Baltimore BAL Def

12.02

134.

The Dark Side

Crabtree, Michael SFO WR

12.03

135.

Desperados

McGahee, Willis DEN RB

12.04

136.

Clive City Council

Royal, Eddie DEN WR

12.05

137.

Garage Stumbling

Janikowski, Sebastian OAK PK

12.06

138.

Convicts

Eagles, Philadelphia PHI Def

12.07

139.

Fighting Squirrels

Jones, James GBP WR

12.08

140.

DA BOYZ FROM NYC

Bess, Davone MIA WR

12.09

141.

Show Me Your TDs!!!!

Helu, Roy WAS RB (R)

12.10

142.

Annihilators

Scott, Bernard CIN RB

12.11

143.

Cleveland Steamers

Sanders, Emmanuel PIT WR

12.12

144.

Sugar Daddy’s

McNabb, Donovan MIN QB

Colin Wynner calls winner: Desperados, Willis McGahee

And the loser: Garage Stumbling, Sebastian Janikowski

1:50 PM – Steamers seems to have sobered up and comes back with a “NICE” pick, Michael Bush.

1:51 PM – Mark Sanchez goes two picks before the biggest Jet fan in the entire world, Da Boyz from NYC. Followed by another “NICE” pick – Steve Breaston, which seems appropriate for him to go to a team called “Show Me Your TD’s”! Why hasn’t board boy modified Show Me Your TD’s name? Is he deathly afraid that “data entry boy” will fulfill his request!

1:53 PM – Clive City adds Chad Henne to form the lethal combination of Henne-to-Marshall. Poor Brandon Marshall.

1:54 PM – Jerome Simpson, whose stats would have qualified him for last season’s fantasy playoff MVP but my guess is nobody outside of Jerome’s immediately family actually started him. From “data entry boy”, “We can’t find him in the list”. Me – “Look under last names beginning with S!”

13.01

145.

Sugar Daddy’s

Driver, Donald GBP WR

13.02

146.

Cleveland Steamers

Bush, Michael OAK RB

13.03

147.

Annihilators

Sanchez, Mark NYJ QB

13.04

148.

Show Me Your TDs!!!!

Breaston, Steve KCC WR

13.05

149.

DA BOYZ FROM NYC

Shiancoe, Visanthe MIN TE

13.06

150.

Fighting Squirrels

Saints, New Orleans NOS Def

13.07

151.

Convicts

Ward, Hines PIT WR

13.08

152.

Garage Stumbling

Brown, Ronnie PHI RB

13.09

153.

Clive City Council

Henne, Chad MIA QB

13.10

154.

Desperados

Simpson, Jerome CIN WR

13.11

155.

The Dark Side

Orton, Kyle DEN QB

13.12

156.

Blinkers On

Roethlisberger, Ben PIT QB

Colin Wynner calls winner: Show Me Your TDs, Steve Breaston

And the loser: Clive City Council, Chad Henne

1:58 PM – Cliché man just made another appearance – Sugar Daddy’s was asked what he thought of his team and his chances. “We’re just going to play the games as their scheduled, with the roster we’ve got”. Really, it’s fantasy football, which is now an industry that employees thousands of people who don’t know anything more than my mailman or my dog, go out on a limb and call your shot – “I’ve clearly got the best team and I am looking forward to destroying this league”. I mean really, I’ve never been much of a fantasy trash talker, but maybe it’s time for this league to start running smack. Does it really matter? It’s about 90% luck anyway – Steamers has won two straight titles, but if the Colts don’t take a knee on an undefeated season in 2009, Stumbling Drunk in the Garage is the champ that year. Last year featured a lucky post-season run as well. Therefore, I say run the smack, it makes the league more interesting.

14.01

157.

Blinkers On

Benn, Arrelious TBB WR

14.02

158.

The Dark Side

Finley, Jermichael GBP TE

14.03

159.

Desperados

Miller, Heath PIT TE

14.04

160.

Clive City Council

Gresham, Jermaine CIN TE

14.05

161.

Garage Stumbling

Fitzpatrick, Ryan BUF QB

14.06

162.

Convicts

Robiskie, Brian CLE WR

14.07

163.

Fighting Squirrels

Decker, Eric DEN WR

14.08

164.

DA BOYZ FROM NYC

Barber, Marion CHI RB

14.09

165.

Show Me Your TDs!!!!

Williams, Ricky BAL RB

14.10

166.

Annihilators

Roberts, Andre ARI WR

14.11

167.

Cleveland Steamers

Cook, Jared TEN TE

14.12

168.

Sugar Daddy’s

Torain, Ryan WAS RB

Colin Wynner calls winner: Fighting Squirrels, Eric Decker

And the loser: Convicts, Brian Robiskie

2:07 PM – The 15th is the best round of the draft with four of the selections having some real sleeper potential, like position top 15 finish, potential – Jerome Harrison, Detroit Def, Colt McCoy and Aaron Hernandez.

2:08 PM – The ugly part of the round – “Who are Alex Smith and Brian Hartline?”, which is the question to the Jeopardy answer, “These two players, drafted in the 15th round, will be on waivers by week three.”

15.01

169.

Sugar Daddy’s

Hartline, Brian MIA WR

15.02

170.

Cleveland Steamers

Harrison, Jerome DET RB

15.03

171.

Annihilators

Lions, Detroit DET Def

15.04

172.

Show Me Your TDs!!!!

Moeaki, Tony KCC TE

15.05

173.

DA BOYZ FROM NYC

Smith, Alex SFO QB

15.06

174.

Fighting Squirrels

Smith, Steve PHI WR

15.07

175.

Convicts

McCoy, Colt CLE QB

15.08

176.

Garage Stumbling

Hernandez, Aaron NEP TE

15.09

177.

Clive City Council

Hester, Devin CHI WR

15.10

178.

Desperados

Snelling, Jason ATL RB

15.11

179.

The Dark Side

Hardesty, Montario CLE RB

15.12

180.

Blinkers On

Graham, Earnest TBB RB

Colin Wynner calls winner: Annihilators, Detroit

And the loser: DA BOYZ FROM NYC, Alex Smith

2:15 PM – A little mini-run on Rams receivers, with Kendricks and Danario Alexander going early in the round.

2:17 PM – The kicker run begins four rounds after Seabass; see I told you so. And ironically it begins with the same owner, Stumbling, who selects Alex Henery of the Eagles. I think they have the kicker spot is covered for them!

2:18 PM – I know it’s the 16th round, but nothing says “lockdown” defense like losing your top four cornerbacks in pre-season, as the Giants did.

16.01

181.

Blinkers On

Ward, Derrick HOU RB

16.02

182.

The Dark Side

Alexander, Danario STL WR

16.03

183.

Desperados

Kendricks, Lance STL TE (R)

16.04

184.

Clive City Council

Hunter, Kendall SFO RB (R)

16.05

185.

Garage Stumbling

Henery, Alex PHI PK (R)

16.06

186.

Convicts

Murray, DeMarco DAL RB (R)

16.07

187.

Fighting Squirrels

Jones, Thomas KCC RB

16.08

188.

DA BOYZ FROM NYC

Mason, Derrick NYJ WR

16.09

189.

Show Me Your TDs!!!!

Kaeding, Nate SDC PK

16.10

190.

Annihilators

Crosby, Mason GBP PK

16.11

191.

Cleveland Steamers

Giants, New York NYG Def

16.12

192.

Sugar Daddy’s

Gostkowski, Stephen NEP PK

Colin Wynner calls winner: Desperados, Lance Kendricks

And the loser: Garage Stumbling, Alex Henery

2:24 PM – Atlanta defense goes first, then Dallas. Yikes, if those two ever see a starting lineup… well, bad things, man, bad things!

2:25 PM – The Cleveland Foursome or Fearsome Steamers or Fearsome Foreskin; I have literally never seen someone completely butcher a name for 17 straight rounds, it’s clearly intentional at this point, which is fine because my intuition tells me that he won’t get the last laugh.

It’s full-fledged kicker or pick off the scrap-heap time.

2:26 PM – Based on Arian Foster’s hamstring, Annihilators may have the steal of the draft in Ben Tate.

2:31 PM – Tood Heap, Todd Heap, did everyone forget about Todd Heap? The Arizona Carindals medical staff won’t forget about him! Regardless, “NICE”!

17.01

193.

Sugar Daddy’s

Falcons, Atlanta ATL Def

17.02

194.

Cleveland Steamers

Cowboys, Dallas DAL Def

17.03

195.

Annihilators

Tate, Ben HOU RB

17.04

196.

Show Me Your TDs!!!!

Bennett, Earl CHI WR

17.05

197.

DA BOYZ FROM NYC

Browns, Cleveland CLE Def

17.06

198.

Fighting Squirrels

Rackers, Neil HOU PK

17.07

199.

Convicts

Hartley, Garrett NOS PK

17.08

200.

Garage Stumbling

Moore, Denarius OAK WR (R)

17.09

201.

Clive City Council

Bryant, Matt ATL PK

17.10

202.

Desperados

Sproles, Darren NOS RB

17.11

203.

The Dark Side

Brown, Josh STL PK

17.12

204.

Blinkers On

Heap, Todd ARI TE

Colin Wynner calls winner: Blinkers On, Todd Heap

And the loser: Cleveland Steamers, Dallas Cowboys

2:35 PM – Mercuifully, the draft is about to come to end. Two “NICE” picks in round 18 – Fred Davis, the likely starter in Washington when Cooley can’t get healthy and Bernard Berrian, McNabb’s lone deep threat in Minnesota.

2:38 PM – Show Me You TD’s drafts Dezmon Briscoe, “board boy” asks out loud, “Use it in a sentence, please”. OK, I will give it a shot, “Dezmon Briscoe, filled with vitriol after enduring three hours of incessant diatribe, violently attacks board boy, leaving him motionless in a pool of his own blood!” How is that? Need the origin or a repeat of the word?

That aside, Dezmon Briscoe is the fourth option in an offense that likes to run-first and has a running quarterback, but I guess it’s the 18th.

18.01

205.

Blinkers On

Carpenter, Dan MIA PK

18.02

206.

The Dark Side

Chiefs, Kansas City KCC Def

18.03

207.

Desperados

Feely, Jay ARI PK

18.04

208.

Clive City Council

Smith, Torrey BAL WR (R)

18.05

209.

Garage Stumbling

Jaguars, Jacksonville JAC Def

18.06

210.

Convicts

Davis, Fred WAS TE

18.07

211.

Fighting Squirrels

Berrian, Bernard MIN WR

18.08

212.

DA BOYZ FROM NYC

Folk, Nick NYJ PK

18.09

213.

Show Me Your TDs!!!!

Briscoe, Dezmon TBB WR

18.10

214.

Annihilators

Vereen, Shane NEP RB (R)

18.11

215.

Cleveland Steamers

Cundiff, Billy BAL PK

18.12

216.

Sugar Daddy’s

Gibson, Brandon STL WR

Colin Wynner calls winner: Fighting Squirrels, Bernard Berrian

And the loser: Show Me Your TDs, Dezmon Briscoe

2:41 PM – And that be it, while waiting for the next draft here are the playoff, super bowl and total point odds for each team (based on the stat projections for best drafted starting lineup, depth, late season schedule and division):

Odds to Win

Team

Division

Division

Make Playoffs

Super Bowl

Total Points

Clive City Council MONTANA

105

-250

250

250

Annihilators MONTANA

115

-240

275

275

Blinkers On MONTANA

425

375

2000

2500

Fighting Squirrels MONTANA

290

225

1500

1700

Cleveland Steamers NAMATH

100

-275

250

300

DA BOYZ FROM NYC NAMATH

500

175

1100

1400

Garage Stumbling NAMATH

250

100

850

950

The Dark Side NAMATH

225

-125

650

700

Convicts STARR

-110

-300

400

450

Desperados STARR

185

120

750

800

Sugar Daddy’s STARR

550

200

1000

1200

Show Me Your TD’s!!! STARR

105

-150

550

600

3:14 PM – The SFL draft is minutes away and after looking over the board complete with keepers, it’s going to be very interesting at the top. By my count five of the top seven players are keepers – Rodgers, Foster, Charles, Vick and McCoy. What does that mean? Well, if you have pick number three, you’re going to be going number two in your pants! Unless there is a major upset, the top two have to Peterson and Rice. Who is next? My guess is it will be either Andre Johnson or Rashard Mendenhall. But the safest pick there would be Andre.

3:16 PM – Oh, yikes, the commish was just interrupted as he was going over league business. He doesn’t look happy, like he is ready to go Kimbo Slice on the owner, ironically it’s “data entry boy”, who has a team in this draft. I wonder have many of the remaining 12 teams, would jump in and pull the commish off him? My guess is nine teams would turn their head away, and the remaining three would allow it go on for about five minutes and then begrudgingly break it up.

Of course, it could’ve been worse for the commish, he could have had his team heckled for 18 rounds in the prior league draft.

3:18 PM – Next year is the 20th anniversary of this league and the commish mentions that it should be done in Vegas. Sweet – hopefully, they will retain me as the official documenter of draft (oh and pay for my trip, as well). Anyway that is an awesome idea for a league that has been to together this long, but you have to do it right. So, with that as the back drop here are Colin Wynner’s rules for a memorable Vegas Fantasy draft:

First the minimum ground rules to stage such an event:

  • It has to be well-coordinated and planned as though it were a business conference. And the planning needs to start around the first of the year with the “conference” agenda set in stone by the NFL draft.
  • All owners need to commit to attend in person or the trip doesn’t happen. This is a big event, fellas, treat it as such. My guess is these guys have been the one yearly constant in the midst of changing jobs, cities, spouses, sexual orientations and, for a few of you, the yearly change of underwear.

And for a truly memorable experience we do the following:

  • Let’s assume the draft is scheduled for Friday, everyone arrives by Thursday late afternoon and heads to dinner together Thursday night. This is just the owners, no spouses, no kids, etc.
  • The draft order is determined on Friday morning with a little Vegas twist. We will call it the “Casino Cash Grab Power Hour”. Each team is given the task of turning $100 into as much money as they can within an hour. At the end of the hour, the team with the most money gets the first pick, second most, second pick and so on. Here is the catch – you have to donate 50% of your winnings to the league prize pool. For example, you hit a Royal Flush on video poker that pays you $1200, you donate $550 to the prize pool. To break ties you use the golf tournament posting method, first in = last out (or lower pick). That will break any ties. So, if you happen to bust out, lose your $100 on a single bet 28 seconds after competition begins, you post the first $0. You can then spend the next 59:32 rooting for the house against your fellow owners.
  • Entry fee is raised by $75 to $225 a team; with $350 of the extra amount going towards a fully stocked conference room ($22 a head should cover it, even in Vegas) for the draft.
  • Another $350 of additional funds will be used by the owners who finished 13th and 14th in the “Casino Cash Grab Power Hour” game. These two owners are tasked with using the $350 dollars to round up as many hookers as possible. . . I’m KIDDING, just making sure you’re still with me!! Those two owners will take the $350 and place football futures bets. Any money won, including the initial stake, will go to the overall prize pool.
  • Saturday morning, we’re up and out to the golf course for a little 4-man scramble; losers pay for dinner that night.
  • Saturday afternoon, we play an NFL jersey scavenger hunt for the remaining $350. The object of the game is to get a picture with any random person wearing an NFL jersey; points are as follows: 1 point for a picture with random person in an NFL jersey (has to a jersey), 3 points for a picture with a jersey of a player on your SFL roster; bonus points for players drafted in rounds 1 through 5. Every point you get, gets you a piece of the $350.
  • Finally, you get the hotel to bring in a Blackjack table and dealer during the draft, that will give us something to do while waiting for Sidewinders to make their pick!

3:20 PM – Tell me that isn’t a memorable trip and completely worthy of the 20th anniversary of this fine league?

3:22 PM – We are underway, 8 minutes early no less. And boom, boom – AP and Ray Rice go #1 and #2, the next pick is the key pick of the draft and it’s – Andre Johnson. That might be a highest pick record for Andre, bettered the previous draft position of #4.

3:24 PM – Six picks in and we have a lengthy delay. Really, is this that hard? It’s the first round gor goodness sake. And after a three minute delay the pick is Javhid Best. The response from DA BOYZ is “We waited that long. For that?” I caution him that he just open himself up to a comeback of “Yea, I know, but I was having a tough time deciding between Best and your mother, but in the end I remembered that you mother is worthless, so I went with Best!”

3:28 PM – Darren McFadden welcome to the club of fantasy first round picks. Hopefully, he won’t get drunk and embarrass himself at the club dinner!

3:30 PM – DA BOYZ goes Phillip Rivers at #12, wow, what a crazy first round – Best, McFadden, Jennings and Rivers all gone in the first round. Who is left for the second round?

3:33 PM – Hold on, what has gotten into the Desert Dawgs this year? They just drafted Steven Jackson, which is by far their best pick in years.

I am concerned about an 11 minute first round. If these owners are looking like Don Draper after Betty confronted him about “shoe box” in the first round, imagine what they will be like by the 6th round.

1.01

1.

Daemons Peterson, Adrian MIN RB

1.02

2.

Sidewinders Rice, Ray BAL RB

1.03

3.

Fearsome Foursome Johnson, Andre HOU WR

1.04

4.

Convicts Mendenhall, Rashard PIT RB

1.05

5.

Weekend Warriors Jones-Drew, Maurice JAC RB

1.06

6.

The GSW Rule White, Roddy ATL WR

1.07

7.

Ragin Asian Best, Jahvid DET RB

1.08

8.

Avengers Turner, Michael ATL RB

1.09

9.

Desperados McFadden, Darren OAK RB

1.10

10.

Junk Yard Dogs Fitzgerald, Larry ARI WR

1.11

11.

BeefGravy AllStars Jennings, Greg GBP WR

1.12

12.

DA BOYZ FROM NYC Rivers, Philip SDC QB

1.13

13.

DESERT DAWGZ Jackson, Steven STL RB

1.14

14.

Chefs Brady, Tom NEP QB

Colin Wynner calls winner: Sidewinders, Ray Rice

And the loser: Ragin Asian, Javhid Best

3:35 PM – I am seriously concerned that someone has kidnapped the Desert Dawgs and replaced them with a “fantasy expert” – Drew Brees makes it back-to-back great picks for them. Maybe, just maybe the Dawgs have had their fill of playing .300 ball and being eliminated from the playoff race by week five.

3:37 PM – DA BOYZ smoking on a BLOUNT, as in LeGarrette Blount; with pick #17! Hmm, out on a limb here, but I would be willing to bet that Blount won’t be in the top 17 amongst RB/WR/TE. Better options would’ve been Frank Gore or Matt Forte.

3:39 PM – “I will take, AH, AH, AH, AH, AH …. Matt Ryan”, wow, Junk Yard, maybe you should’ve re-grouped after the third “AH”. Matt Ryan? 2nd round pick? Tiers, anyone? Ahead of Manning, Romo and Schuab.

3:41 PM – Part of what makes this so draft fun is the random competent picks mixed in with the majority of incompetent picks. Like for example, Jahvid Best goes at 7, so you expect that owner to come back in the 2nd round with like a Desean Jackson-type of pick, but then out of nowhere comes Matt Forte. BRILLANT! Never mind that said owner has Best, Forte and Chris Johnson as his first two picks and keeper. Enjoy watching Tavaris Jackson destroy your fantasy season.

3:42 PM – I can tell the Forte pick irritated Cleveland Steamers, er, I mean Fearsome Foreskin, ha ha ha ha, that is sooo funny that I can’t contain my laughter even though I sound like a 12-year old girl, sorry I digress. The pick – Felix Jones. Wow, it looks like after he dominated the league for consecutive seasons the clock is striking midnight for Foursome.

3:45 PM – So, Foursome adds his fourth player, Steve Johnson. Foursome must know something no one else knows, because he just drafted Steve Johnson two rounds too high for the second consecutive draft. It’s safe to assume that there is no bigger Steve Johnson fan this year than Foursome.

Judging by the comments, Steve Johnson might not have been drafted for quite some time – a sampling, “Where does he play, Buffalo?” and “Is he a Wide Receiver?” Yea, I am pretty sure that is other owners way of heckling Fearsome. Unfortunately, Foursome cannot retort because a mere regular season record of 23-3 doesn’t have the weight that back-to-back titles do.

3:47 PM – While waiting the obligatory 3 minutes to pick, Mr. Sidewinder confusingly asks, “Why is Reggie Wayne still available?” That is a great question, why don’t we debate it – right now! What’s another 15-20 minutes amongst friends?

3:48 PM – Mercifully, round 2 comes to end after 13 minutes, at current pace we will be finishing around 10PM and this log will run into the 20K word range.

2.01

15.

Chefs Greene, Shonn NYJ RB

2.02

16.

DESERT DAWGZ Brees, Drew NOS QB

2.03

17.

DA BOYZ FROM NYC Blount, LeGarrette TBB RB

2.04

18.

BeefGravy AllStars Johnson, Calvin DET WR

2.05

19.

Junk Yard Dogs Ryan, Matt ATL QB

2.06

20.

Desperados Gore, Frank SFO RB

2.07

21.

Avengers Manning, Peyton IND QB

2.08

22.

Ragin Asian Forte, Matt CHI RB

2.09

23.

Fearsome Foursome Jones, Felix DAL RB

2.10

24.

Weekend Warriors Romo, Tony DAL QB

2.11

25.

Convicts Williams, Mike TBB WR

2.12

26.

Fearsome Foursome Johnson, Steve BUF WR

2.13

27.

Sidewinders Wayne, Reggie IND WR

2.14

28.

Daemons Schaub, Matt HOU QB

Colin Wynner calls winner: BeefGravy AllStars, Calvin Johnson

And the loser: Fearsome Foursome, Steve Johnson

3:52 PM – We just waited three minutes for Ryan Grant to be selected by Sidewinders, quick someone tell him it’s not 2010 and he didn’t just get the steal of the draft.

3:56 PM – Now there is a surprise – Jason Witten goes before Antonio Gates! That’s a bold move, but only bold because we live in a world where everyone plays fantasy football, therefore we are told that Antonio Gates is the best tight end, so as sheep we fall in line. The thing is very few, if any “fantasy experts” ever recap their seasons, and if they do, they rarely mention the bad picks. In 18 weeks, we might look back on Witten ahead of Gates as a no-brainer or Steve Johnson in the second round as a steal!

4:06 PM – 14 minutes to complete round three – I went to a fantasy draft and a Red Sox/Yankee game broke out! Just about every pick is taking longer than the expected time; and to make matters worse round three might have been the most boring round of ho-hum players in the history of any draft. We have to come up with a way to speed up this draft for years 21+, next year no one will care if the “Vegas” draft takes 24 hours to complete.

3.01

29.

Daemons Mathews, Ryan SDC RB

3.02

30.

Sidewinders Grant, Ryan GBP RB

3.03

31.

The GSW Rule Roethlisberger, Ben PIT QB

3.04

32.

Convicts Hillis, Peyton CLE RB

3.05

33.

Weekend Warriors Jackson, DeSean PHI WR

3.06

34.

The GSW Rule Witten, Jason DAL TE

3.07

35.

Ragin Asian Welker, Wes NEP WR

3.08

36.

Avengers Gates, Antonio SDC TE

3.09

37.

Desperados Bradshaw, Ahmad NYG RB

3.10

38.

Junk Yard Dogs Moreno, Knowshon DEN RB

3.11

39.

BeefGravy AllStars Austin, Miles DAL WR

3.12

40.

DA BOYZ FROM NYC Clark, Dallas IND TE

3.13

41.

DESERT DAWGZ Colston, Marques NOS WR

3.14

42.

Chefs Holmes, Santonio NYJ WR

Colin Wynner calls winner: Chefs, Santonio Holmes

And the loser: Sidewinders, Ryan Grant

4:07 PM – Nice job by Chefs taking Mark Ingram at the top of the 4th round instead of the bottom of the 3rd. At least you open Ingram up to being a potential keeper, you know if you want to keep a guy who rushes for 700 yards and 3 TDs.

4:08 PM – Ah, there is the Desert Dawgs I know and love – Rob Gronkowski in the 4th round, with Jermichael Finley available. Here boys and girls we see the difference between a bold choice and a flat out bad one. The only way Gronk out-scores Finley is if a series of random events occur that cannot possibly being predicted/expected, or even assumed. I am so confident that if both players play a full season and the Gronk out-scores Finley, I will a plate full of Gronk droppings.

4:13 PM – Is it too early to think we are witnessing the fantasy football draft equivalent of a baseball perfect game? Since I make the rules for this log it’s not too early; Desperados make a trade to move up and pluck Jermichael Finley right before Avengers, who undoubtedly would have taken him. Great, great move, you can tell right now that Despo has great stuff today. Several reasons this is a great move – 1. Finley is a beast; 2. Desperados roster is four deep with players capable of the “no effing way game” (Nicks, Gore, McFadden and Finley); 3. He didn’t give up the farm – 5th/6th round picks for 4th/8th; (we will see what this turns out to be in terms of players but I would guess it will be something like Johnny Knox/Jonathon Stewart for Finley and probably a lockdown defense. Hmm, yea I’d do that deal; 4. The other owners, who are paying attention, are furious with this deal.

4:15 PM – Random things you love to hear at your fantasy draft, “Does Arian Foster play in Atlanta?” Uh, buddy, do you have friends, who have a large amount of disposable income and love fantasy football?

4:17 PM – The round ends with a mini-run on WR, in order, Bowe, Boldin, Dez Bryant, Lloyd, Manningham and Ocho. Of that group Manningham will stand out, nice pick Sidewinders even if you had to quadruple check all 23 sheets you brought to the draft before making the selection.

4.01

43.

Chefs Ingram, Mark NOS RB (R)

4.02

44.

DESERT DAWGZ Gronkowski, Rob NEP TE

4.03

45.

DA BOYZ FROM NYC Maclin, Jeremy PHI WR

4.04

46.

BeefGravy AllStars Bush, Reggie MIA RB

4.05

47.

Junk Yard Dogs Finley, Jermichael GBP TE

4.06

48.

Desperados Nicks, Hakeem NYG WR

4.07

49.

Avengers Bowe, Dwayne KCC WR

4.08

50.

Ragin Asian Boldin, Anquan BAL WR

4.09

51.

Fearsome Foursome Rodgers, Aaron GBP QB

4.10

52.

Weekend Warriors Bryant, Dez DAL WR

4.11

53.

Convicts Lloyd, Brandon DEN WR

4.12

54.

The GSW Rule Foster, Arian HOU RB

4.13

55.

Sidewinders Manningham, Mario NYG WR

4.14

56.

Daemons Ochocinco, Chad NEP WR

Colin Wynner calls winner: Desperados, Jermichael Finley

And the loser: Desert Dawgs, Rob Gronkowski

4:19 PM – Break time? Really, haven’t there been enough breaks waiting for people to pick?

4:30 PM – Sidewinders with great consternation states, “I don’t want to do this this early”. Hmm, is he talking about making a pick within a reasonable time or taking a player 10 rounds too early? It’s the latter; Joe Flacco is the early pick! In fairness, there are not a lot of quarterback options left.

4:35 PM – Remember the above trade, well, piece one of the deal is Johnny Knox. So, right now we have Finley for Knox.

4:39 PM – A common theme – DeAngelo Williams falling to the 5th round. DeAngelo will finish in the top 10 amongst RBs this season. Compare and contrast the last two picks – DeAngelo Williams and Daniel Thomas. Barring injury we might see the biggest gap between two players drafted one spot apart in the history of fantasy football. There should be some reward for have the distinction of drafting a player in the middle of a “Steamer”. We can call it “Finding a diamond in a fresh steamer”. Let me think about the parameters.

5.01

57.

Daemons Marshall, Brandon MIA WR

5.02

58.

Sidewinders Flacco, Joe BAL QB

5.03

59.

The GSW Rule Addai, Joseph IND RB

5.04

60.

Convicts Stafford, Matthew DET QB

5.05

61.

Weekend Warriors Williams, DeAngelo CAR RB

5.06

62.

Fearsome Foursome Thomas, Daniel MIA RB (R)

5.07

63.

Ragin Asian Britt, Kenny TEN WR

5.08

64.

Avengers Harvin, Percy MIN WR

5.09

65.

Junk Yard Dogs Green-Ellis, BenJarvus NEP RB

5.10

66.

Junk Yard Dogs Knox, Johnny CHI WR

5.11

67.

BeefGravy AllStars Lynch, Marshawn SEA RB

5.12

68.

DA BOYZ FROM NYC Benson, Cedric CIN RB

5.13

69.

DESERT DAWGZ Stewart, Jonathan CAR RB

5.14

70.

Chefs Jackson, Vincent SDC WR

Colin Wynner calls winner: Weekend Warriors, DeAngelo Williams

And the loser: Junk Yard Dogs, Ben Jarvus Green-Ellis

4:41 PM – JEWELio Jones was just selected.

4:42 PM – You know the best way to prevent a run on defenses or kickers? Draft one of those positions too early – BeefGravy takes the Steelers defense in the 6th and no one bothers to follow suit.

4:43 PM – In an on-going story, we have another piece of the puzzle to fill in the blanks of the above trade, Brandon Jacobs. Wow, this has the potential to get very ugly if that 8th round pick by Desperados has a pulse.

6.01

71.

Chefs Jones, Julio ATL WR (R)

6.02

72.

DESERT DAWGZ Driver, Donald GBP WR

6.03

73.

DA BOYZ FROM NYC Spiller, C.J. BUF RB

6.04

74.

BeefGravy AllStars Steelers, Pittsburgh PIT Def

6.05

75.

Junk Yard Dogs Jacobs, Brandon NYG RB

6.06

76.

Junk Yard Dogs Kolb, Kevin ARI QB

6.07

77.

Avengers Wells, Chris ARI RB

6.08

78.

Ragin Asian Johnson, Chris TEN RB

6.09

79.

Fearsome Foursome Thomas, Mike JAC WR

6.10

80.

Weekend Warriors Pettigrew, Brandon DET TE

6.11

81.

Convicts Collie, Austin IND WR

6.12

82.

The GSW Rule Moore, Lance NOS WR

6.13

83.

Sidewinders Wallace, Mike PIT WR

6.14

84.

Daemons Evans, Lee BAL WR

Colin Wynner calls winner: Convicts, Austin Collie

And the loser: Desert Dawgz, Donald Driver

4:45 PM – The pace is picking up. Ok, so for the “Finding a diamond in a fresh steamer” award here is what has to happen

  • We take the two previous players drafted at the same position and the next two players at the position drafted.
  • The player in the middle must out-score the two players drafted before combined AND the two players drafted after combined

I think that pretty much sums up Fantasy Football – you need luck (two players selected before both suck, thus taking away the chance of drafting them) and skill (two players after were bypassed).

Now has it ever happened? Off the top of my head, my best guess would be Randy Moss in 2007. Nope! Moss scored 384 points that year. The two WR drafted before him, Javon Walker and Roy Williams scored a combined 237. The two after him Houshmandzadeh and Colston combined for 551 points.

According to my crack research team, it happened in 2009 – pick #55 was running back Thomas Jones, who scored 216 points that season. Picks 43 and 44 were Larry Johnson and Lendale White, respectively and they combined to socre 100.50 points, CHECK. Picks 58 and 60 were Marshawn Lynch and Willie Parker, who combined to score 125.15 points, CHECK. Congrats to Convicts, in the 4th round no less!

4:49 PM – The perfecto for Desperados is intact! They’re living the dream right now; everything is falling into their laps. Owen Daniels falls to them after Kellen Winslow is taken just ahead of them. He has Daniels and Finley at tight end, in a league where TE receptions are worth twice WR receptions. Ugh!

4:52 PM – Nice job, Pierre! Thomas that is! Thomas is taken 47 overall picks and 14 running backs after Mark Ingram and barring injury, my guess is Thomas will be within that range at the end of the season. Fearsome has taken three straight players with the last name of Thomas. Watch out for Thurman Thomas in the 8th round.

7.01

85.

Daemons Winslow, Kellen TBB TE

7.02

86.

Desperados Daniels, Owen HOU TE

7.03

87.

The GSW Rule Ward, Hines PIT WR

7.04

88.

Convicts Moss, Santana WAS WR

7.05

89.

Weekend Warriors Jackson, Fred BUF RB

7.06

90.

Fearsome Foursome Thomas, Pierre NOS RB

7.07

91.

Ragin Asian Crabtree, Michael SFO WR

7.08

92.

Avengers Sims-Walker, Mike STL WR

7.09

93.

Sidewinders Burress, Plaxico NYJ WR

7.10

94.

Junk Yard Dogs Hightower, Tim WAS RB

7.11

95.

BeefGravy AllStars Lewis, Marcedes JAC TE

7.12

96.

DA BOYZ FROM NYC Meachem, Robert NOS WR

7.13

97.

DESERT DAWGZ Tomlinson, LaDainian NYJ RB

7.14

98.

Chefs Gonzalez, Tony ATL TE

Colin Wynner calls winner: Desperados, Owen Daniels

And the loser: Avengers, Mike Sims-Walker

5:04 PM – And there is the second defense, the Eagles, followed closely by the Packers and the Ravens.

Hmm, not sure about the Ravens, they’re getting a little long in the tooth, but four games against the Browns and Bengals certainly doesn’t hurt.

5:06 PM – And we can close the book on the JYD/Desperados trade – Finley/Josh Freeman for Brandon Jacobs and Johnny Knox. Well, pretty much all day long JYD has been using a voice inflection that would make RIP Taylor sound like Andre the Giant. And well let’s just leave it at – it seems fitting considering what happened to JYD on this trade!

5:12 PM – Maybe there is something to double, triple checking before you make your pick – Sidewinders with a “NICE” pick – Zach Miller.

8.01

99.

Chefs Eagles, Philadelphia PHI Def

8.02

100.

DESERT DAWGZ Williams, Ricky BAL RB

8.03

101.

DA BOYZ FROM NYC McCoy, LeSean PHI RB

8.04

102.

BeefGravy AllStars Bush, Michael OAK RB

8.05

103.

Desperados Freeman, Josh TBB QB

8.06

104.

Desperados Smith, Steve CAR WR

8.07

105.

Avengers Packers, Green Bay GBP Def

8.08

106.

Ragin Asian Massaquoi, Mohamed CLE WR

8.09

107.

Fearsome Foursome Ravens, Baltimore BAL Def

8.10

108.

Weekend Warriors Rice, Sidney SEA WR

8.11

109.

Convicts Graham, Jimmy NOS TE

8.12

110.

The GSW Rule Williams, Roy CHI WR

8.13

111.

Sidewinders Miller, Zach SEA TE

8.14

112.

Daemons Davis, Vernon SFO TE

Colin Wynner calls winner: Sidewinders, Zach Miller

And the loser: Ragin Asian, Mohamed Massaquoi

5:14 PM – Desperados is at it again, this is literally Boston Rob on last season’s survivor, he is making us look like a bunch of first-timers. A.J. Green in the 9th round, who will end up being his keeper for the next two years and probably a top 10 WR each season.

5:18 PM – Darren Sproles in 9th round? Come on, are you really going to play Sproles in anything more than a backup/bye week flll-in role? In a vacuum it’s a nice pick because Sproles will probably score equal to where he was drafted, but most likely he will have three games where he scores the majority of his points, good luck finding those three games.

5:22 PM – DA BOYZ get the Jets defense, little does he know that the Jets will give up 30 points in every game this season!

9.01

113.

Daemons Chargers, San Diego SDC Def

9.02

114.

Desperados Green, A.J. CIN WR (R)

9.03

115.

The GSW Rule Sproles, Darren NOS RB

9.04

116.

Convicts Charles, Jamaal KCC RB

9.05

117.

Weekend Warriors Keller, Dustin NYJ TE

9.06

118.

Fearsome Foursome Branch, Deion NEP WR

9.07

119.

Ragin Asian Manning, Eli NYG QB

9.08

120.

Avengers Starks, James GBP RB

9.09

121.

Sidewinders Jennings, Rashad JAC RB

9.10

122.

Junk Yard Dogs Jones, James GBP WR

9.11

123.

BeefGravy AllStars Celek, Brent PHI TE

9.12

124.

DA BOYZ FROM NYC Jets, New York NYJ Def

9.13

125.

DESERT DAWGZ Bears, Chicago CHI Def

9.14

126.

Chefs McGahee, Willis DEN RB

Colin Wynner calls winner: Desperados,A.J. Green

And the loser: BeefGravy AllStars, Brent Celek

5:35 PM – Another 10 minute break to allow a few select owners to go puff on a cancer stick.

5:36 PM – Nice job, Pierre! Garcon. We simply do not have enough NFL players named Pierre!

5:37 PM – With the explosion of fantasy football in the media and on the web, I think the time has come for saavy fantasy players to incorporate “bluffing” into their repertoire. Here is a “bluffing” scenario:

  • Let’s say you no interest in drafting Peyton Hillis, so you obviously want someone else to take him; you quietly mention to a friend, but make sure you’re within earshot of an owner who has a pick coming up, “Hey, I can’t believe this guy is still available.” Next, “Is he hurt?” Then much more quietly and mostly inaudible, “He is next for me”. Pause for about thirty seconds, shake your head in disbelief and then the hook, “I cannot believe Hillis is still there, I might approach owner X about a trade to move up and get him”. Most importantly, when your target takes the bait and drafts Hillis, you have to act like the world has just come to end – stare at him, shake your head disapprovingly and make faces like your constipated. You will know have that owner in the bag for the rest of the draft.

Why will the above work? Well, since there is no such thing as a fantasy expert, we are all idiots or experts depending on the pick and that can vary wildly from pick to pick. Therefore every fantasy owner wants an approval and respect from fellow owners, so if you think you just hi-jacked another owners draft, it makes the draft for the hi-jacking owner.

5:39 PM – Uh no, the perfect game by Desperados is over, Malcolm Floyd is the pick that breaks it up. Look for all intents and purposes, Floyd is a fine pick, right? He is a freaky athlete and the number two receiver on a very explosive offense, so it seems like a great pick. But here’s the deal with Floyd, this will be his eighth season and we keep waiting for him to break out based on the factors above. Guess what? It’s not going to happen, he just doesn’t have it.

10.01

127.

Chefs Cassel, Matt KCC QB

10.02

128.

DESERT DAWGZ Heap, Todd ARI TE

10.03

129.

DA BOYZ FROM NYC Garcon, Pierre IND WR

10.04

130.

BeefGravy AllStars Cutler, Jay CHI QB

10.05

131.

Junk Yard Dogs Tolbert, Mike SDC RB

10.06

132.

Desperados Floyd, Malcom SDC WR

10.07

133.

Avengers Snelling, Jason ATL RB

10.08

134.

Ragin Asian Cooley, Chris WAS TE

10.09

135.

Fearsome Foursome Olsen, Greg CAR TE

10.10

136.

Weekend Warriors Edwards, Braylon SFO WR

10.11

137.

Convicts Lions, Detroit DET Def

10.12

138.

The GSW Rule Patriots, New England NEP Def

10.13

139.

Sidewinders Giants, New York NYG Def

10.14

140.

Daemons Nelson, Jordy GBP WR

Colin Wynner calls winner: Fearsome Foursome, Greg Olsen

And the loser: Desperados, Malcom Floyd

5:44 PM – I am watching the NFL Network as they cut to different pre-season games with highlights and selected live periods. It has me wondering if that should (or does) influence owners in a real-time way. For example, the Dallas defense just scored a touchdown, does an owner see that and then star or otherwise move them up? I say “yes” owners will do that, though seemingly impossible to track, I am going to track the following players who have done something spectacular in the last 15 minutes:

  • Dallas defense, probably should not be drafted or drafted late
  • Bernard Berrian, every time I look up Berrian is being targeted, that should be mean he will be drafted very soon!
  • Steve Johnson, Oh wait, some ass-clown already drafted him based on his future performance in this pre-season game. Foursome might consider waiting for the highlight of the Steve Johnson 52-yard touchdown and then immediately try to trade him for the “picked” value.
  • Antonio Brown – two touchdowns in a span of about 12 minutes, he definitely will be drafted shortly.
  • Nate Burleson – just caught a touchdown pass; should be drafted soon

5:49 PM – Kansas City defense? Really? Good luck with that!

11.01

141.

Daemons Brown, Ronnie PHI RB

11.02

142.

Sidewinders Torain, Ryan WAS RB

11.03

143.

The GSW Rule Bess, Davone MIA WR

11.04

144.

Convicts Bradford, Sam STL QB

11.05

145.

Weekend Warriors Chiefs, Kansas City KCC Def

11.06

146.

Fearsome Foursome Benn, Arrelious TBB WR

11.07

147.

Ragin Asian Saints, New Orleans NOS Def

11.08

148.

Avengers Simpson, Jerome CIN WR

11.09

149.

Desperados Little, Greg CLE WR (R)

11.10

150.

Junk Yard Dogs Shiancoe, Visanthe MIN TE

11.11

151.

BeefGravy AllStars Barber, Marion CHI RB

11.12

152.

DA BOYZ FROM NYC Mason, Derrick NYJ WR

11.13

153.

DESERT DAWGZ Breaston, Steve KCC WR

11.14

154.

Chefs Hester, Devin CHI WR

Colin Wynner calls winner: Avengers, Jerome Simpson

And the loser: Weekend Warriors, Kansas City

5:49 PM – Boom, boom – Dallas Defense and Nate Burleson off the board after pre-season fantasy success is displayed on live TV.

5:51 PM – “Steve Slaton”, is he still in the league? Well, you just never know – I just watched Arian Foster limp off the field with a hamstring injury. That is not a good sign, second time in three weeks his hammy has given him problems. And you never know when Derrick Ward will get hurt. And Ben Tate is brittle and could go down. And if all that happens, Slaton might get a shot to be in a time share with a guy like Clinton Portis.

5:55 PM – I love Jerome Harrison this season for a few reasons – 1. He never got much of a chance last year after being injured and then having Hillis go nuts; 2. Jahvid Best is the 2011 version of the late 90s “Fragile Freddy”; and 3. Even if Best stays healthy, Harrison will get a fair share of carries to keep Best fresh!

“Best Fresh” – that’s catchy!

5:59 PM – GSW Rule is protecting his investment in Arian Foster by selecting Ben Tate, the third sting running back in Houston.

12.01

155.

Chefs Jones, Jacoby HOU WR

12.02

156.

DESERT DAWGZ Cowboys, Dallas DAL Def

12.03

157.

DA BOYZ FROM NYC Burleson, Nate DET WR

12.04

158.

BeefGravy AllStars Ford, Jacoby OAK WR

12.05

159.

Junk Yard Dogs Taylor, Chester CHI RB

12.06

160.

Desperados Fitzpatrick, Ryan BUF QB

12.07

161.

Avengers Sanchez, Mark NYJ QB

12.08

162.

Ragin Asian Slaton, Steve HOU RB

12.09

163.

Fearsome Foursome Harrison, Jerome DET RB

12.10

164.

Weekend Warriors McNabb, Donovan MIN QB

12.11

165.

Convicts Roberts, Andre ARI WR

12.12

166.

The GSW Rule Tate, Ben HOU RB

12.13

167.

Sidewinders Orton, Kyle DEN QB

12.14

168.

Daemons Williams, Mike SEA WR

Colin Wynner calls winner: Fearsome Foursome, Jerome Harrison

And the loser: Ragin Asian, Steve Slaton

6:00 PM – We need to implement 1 minute per pick rules, with the NFL rule that if your time runs out the next team can sneak in front of you and make a pick.

6:03 PM – It’s the 13th round, so let the run on kickers begin . . . UGH! Not one but two owners draft a kicker in this round – Nate Kaeding first, then SeaBass.

SeaBass might have one of the more punch-able faces in the NFL, maybe the world. You know the kind of face that you cannot focus on what they’re saying because you want to “plant one of these right in their grill”, similar to what Derek Huff’s business partner wanted to do to Brennan Huff in Step Brothers.

Hmmm, that gets me thinking about punch-able faces. DA BOYZ and I are discussing in between 13th round picks. We list the obvious names – Belichick, Brady, A-Rod, Jeter, Girardi, Favre, etc. But then we move to actual punch-able faces, guys un-related to sports hatred. My list starts and ends with Judd Nelson. Ever Breakfast Club was released
I have wanted to fight that guy! It has to be because of that smarmy look or his voice or maybe the fact that he was a terrible actor. And he always casted as the alpha male, when the reality was he is closer to the nose-pickin, nerd than the school bully.

DA BOYZ agrees that he would own an inflatable, Jedd Nelson punching bag (you know the one with a sand pouch at the bottom, but he adds his own – a couple of Nelson’s cohorts in the “Brat Pack”– Andrew McCarthy and James Spader. Oh, yea, that is the triumvirate of early 90s punch-able faces.

After that brief little run of those “Brat Pack” movies, the only one of those three that has done anything outside of ABC Family is Spader, who had a significant role on Boston Legal.

All right, I looked it up, remember Nelson was always cast as the alpha male, yet here are the stats for each:

Spader 5′ 10″

Nelson 5′ 10″

McCarthy 5′ 9″

Now, if you asked me to guess the heights of those guys – I would have guessed Nelson 6’2″ and the other guys 5′ 8″ or so. Not that a guy 5’10” can’t be an alpha male, just Nelson can’t be. I also have to mention that of the three only the aged Spader still has a freakin’ crazy punch-able face. The other two are still punch-able, but not ape-turds punchable like Spader.

Back to the draft – surprisingly only three picks were made during that dissertation!

13.01

169.

Daemons McCluster, Dexter KCC RB

13.02

170.

Sidewinders Kaeding, Nate SDC PK

13.03

171.

The GSW Rule Carter, Delone IND RB (R)

13.04

172.

Convicts Helu, Roy WAS RB (R)

13.05

173.

Weekend Warriors Forsett, Justin SEA RB

13.06

174.

Fearsome Foursome McCoy, Colt CLE QB

13.07

175.

Ragin Asian Vereen, Shane NEP RB (R)

13.08

176.

Avengers Janikowski, Sebastian OAK PK

13.09

177.

Desperados Woodhead, Danny NEP RB

13.10

178.

Junk Yard Dogs Rams, St. Louis STL Def

13.11

179.

BeefGravy AllStars Higgins, Johnnie Lee PHI WR

13.12

180.

DA BOYZ FROM NYC Smith, Alex SFO QB

13.13

181.

DESERT DAWGZ Garrard, David JAC QB

13.14

182.

Chefs Jones, Thomas KCC RB

Colin Wynner calls winner: GSW Rule, Delone Carter

And the loser: Sidewwinders, Nate Kaeding

6:19 PM – 12,000 + words, so we are switching to rapid fire, running log time.

6:23 PM – The 14th round will forever be known as the round of the TE! Here are some bold predictions on these TEs

  • Lance Kendricks will lead the Rams in receptions and receiving TDs
  • Heath Miller will be Heath Miller, adequate at times, great at times, Karl Malone in the NBA Finals at times
  • Aaron Hernandez, I’ve already made the prediction that he will easily out-perform the Gronk. Boldly, I predict that Hernandez will dropped by week three, picked by week six and lead all TEs in fantasy points over the last six weeks of the season
  • Jared Cook – I like him, Hasselbeck loves to hit (shame on you, I mean throw to) the TE. And if/when the Locker gets on the field, he will be so confused that he will dump off to the TE roughly a 100 times a game.
  • Ben Watson – I like Evan Moore MOORE, but Colt McCoy is going to be among the top 10 quarterbacks by year’s end and he has to throw to someone.
  • Jermaine Gresham – Again a big, pass catching TE is a rookie quarterback’s best friend.

14.01

183.

Chefs Falcons, Atlanta ATL Def

14.02

184.

DESERT DAWGZ Brown, Josh STL PK

14.03

185.

DA BOYZ FROM NYC Hernandez, Aaron NEP TE

14.04

186.

BeefGravy AllStars Vick, Michael PHI QB

14.05

187.

Junk Yard Dogs Hartley, Garrett NOS PK

14.06

188.

Desperados Miller, Heath PIT TE

14.07

189.

Avengers Cook, Jared TEN TE

14.08

190.

Ragin Asian Watson, Ben CLE TE

14.09

191.

Fearsome Foursome Kendricks, Lance STL TE (R)

14.10

192.

Weekend Warriors Ringer, Javon TEN RB

14.11

193.

Convicts Murray, DeMarco DAL RB (R)

14.12

194.

The GSW Rule Gresham, Jermaine CIN TE

14.13

195.

Sidewinders Royal, Eddie DEN WR

14.14

196.

Daemons Gostkowski, Stephen NEP PK

Colin Wynner calls winner: DA BOYZ FROM NYC, Aaron Hernandez

And the loser: Chefs, Atlanta Falcons

6:36 PM – There is Antonio Brown, by who else but Desperado, who is finishing up a one-hitter with 17 Ks.

6:39 PM – I got to have a Cardinal, give me LaRod Stephens-Howling. Umm, ok!

6:41 PM – The Cardinals defense, or lack thereof goes in the 15th.

15.01

197.

Daemons Brown, Donald IND RB

15.02

198.

Sidewinders Hardesty, Montario CLE RB

15.03

199.

The GSW Rule Amendola, Danny STL WR

15.04

200.

Convicts Robiskie, Brian CLE WR

15.05

201.

Weekend Warriors Bironas, Rob TEN PK

15.06

202.

Fearsome Foursome Moore, Denarius OAK WR (R)

15.07

203.

Ragin Asian Rackers, Neil HOU PK

15.08

204.

Avengers Armstrong, Anthony WAS WR

15.09

205.

Desperados Brown, Antonio PIT WR

15.10

206.

Junk Yard Dogs Cardinals, Arizona ARI Def

15.11

207.

BeefGravy AllStars Vinatieri, Adam IND PK

15.12

208.

DA BOYZ FROM NYC Browns, Cleveland CLE Def

15.13

209.

DESERT DAWGZ Stephens-Howling, LaRod ARI RB

15.14

210.

Chefs Beckum, Travis NYG TE

Colin Wynner calls winner: Desperados, Antonio Brown

And the loser: Junk Yard Dogs, Arizona Cardinals

6:43 PM – Round 16, the end is near. These are the rounds for PK, backup Defenses and fliers. Unfortunately, a couple teams are still looking weekly starters.

6:47 PM – I love the Fred Davis pick by Convicts; Cooley is on his last leg, literally.

16.01

211.

Chefs Crosby, Mason GBP PK

16.02

212.

DESERT DAWGZ Feely, Jay ARI PK

16.03

213.

DA BOYZ FROM NYC Folk, Nick NYJ PK

16.04

214.

BeefGravy AllStars Murphy, Louis OAK WR

16.05

215.

Junk Yard Dogs Bryant, Matt ATL PK

16.06

216.

Desperados Henery, Alex PHI PK (R)

16.07

217.

Avengers 49ers, San Francisco SFO Def

16.08

218.

Ragin Asian Hunter, Kendall SFO RB (R)

16.09

219.

Fearsome Foursome Moeaki, Tony KCC TE

16.10

220.

Weekend Warriors Lindell, Rian BUF PK

16.11

221.

Convicts Davis, Fred WAS TE

16.12

222.

The GSW Rule Suisham, Shaun PIT PK

16.13

223.

Sidewinders Cundiff, Billy BAL PK

16.14

224.

Daemons Walter, Kevin HOU WR

Colin Wynner calls winner: Convicts, Fred Davis

And the loser: Weekend Warriors, Rian Lindell

6:49 PM – Nice round here. Cam Newton, Andy Dalton give a couple teams a chance a high round keeper. Berrian in the 17th, is all based on his performance tonight.

Last quick tangent – I want to put together a new type of fantasy league, where the draft takes place right before week seven. The catch – you play a full fantasy schedule beginning in week one and you cannot drop a player drafted for three weeks. Before the first pick, you already have six games that will need to be back played. This adds levels of strategy and complexity that simply do not exist in the standard snake draft.

You have to decide how early to draft a player who might nothing more than a one-week wonder. You have to decide between those big points in one single and points going forward. For example, Jason Snelling scored 98.65 points last season, but 37.85 of those points came in week two. If an owner takes Snelling early, the owner who played him, might have to adjust to get enough points to beat him in week two or decide to give that game up.

Six back-dated games are enough that you simply cannot draft the best possible team going forward and be guaranteed to compete.

Anybody want IN?

17.01

225.

Daemons Dalton, Andy CIN QB (R)

17.02

226.

Sidewinders Campbell, Jason OAK QB

17.03

227.

The GSW Rule Henne, Chad MIA QB

17.04

228.

Convicts Longwell, Ryan MIN PK

17.05

229.

Weekend Warriors Gibson, Brandon STL WR

17.06

230.

Fearsome Foursome Berrian, Bernard MIN WR

17.07

231.

Ragin Asian Newton, Cam CAR QB (R)

17.08

232.

Avengers Buehler, David DAL PK

17.09

233.

Desperados Texans, Houston HOU Def

17.10

234.

Junk Yard Dogs Bennett, Earl CHI WR

17.11

235.

BeefGravy AllStars Schilens, Chaz OAK WR

17.12

236.

DA BOYZ FROM NYC Decker, Eric DEN WR

17.13

237.

DESERT DAWGZ Choice, Tashard DAL RB

17.14

238.

Chefs Ridley, Stevan NEP RB (R)

Colin Wynner calls winner: Fearsome Foursome, Bernard Berrian

And the loser: Sidewinders, Jason Campbell

6:58 PM – So, I lied one more fantasy league pitch for you.

A combo fantasy/survivor league. The setup is like a normal league with divisions, head-to-head schedule, playoffs, etc. The catch – you can submit any legal lineup you want any week, but you can only use each player once per season.

Again, the strategy and complexity go well beyond that of a normal league, with the added bonus of you don’t have to prepare for the draft.

18.01

239.

Chefs Leshoure, Mikel DET RB (R)

18.02

240.

DESERT DAWGZ Rodgers, Jacquizz ATL RB (R)

18.03

241.

DA BOYZ FROM NYC Scott, Bernard CIN RB

18.04

242.

BeefGravy AllStars Boss, Kevin OAK TE

18.05

243.

Junk Yard Dogs Fasano, Anthony MIA TE

18.06

244.

Desperados Douglas, Harry ATL WR

18.07

245.

Avengers Williams, Carnell STL RB

18.08

246.

Ragin Asian Cotchery, Jerricho PIT WR

18.09

247.

Fearsome Foursome Gould, Robbie CHI PK

18.10

248.

Weekend Warriors Buccaneers, Tampa Bay TBB Def

18.11

249.

Convicts Shipley, Jordan CIN WR

18.12

250.

The GSW Rule Smith, Steve PHI WR

18.13

251.

Sidewinders Sanders, Emmanuel PIT WR

18.14

252.

Daemons Cribbs, Josh CLE WR

Colin Wynner calls winner: Daemons, Josh Cribbs

And the loser: Junk Yard Dogs, Anthony Fasano

7:05 PM – The marathon draft running log has, finally, come to an end.

Here are the playoff, super bowl and total point odds for each team (based on the stat projections for best drafted starting lineup, depth, late season schedule and division):

Odds to Win

Team

Division

Division

Make Playoffs

Super Bowl

Total Points

Convicts NORTH

100

-275

300

325

Daemons NORTH

125

-125

450

500

Ragin Asian NORTH

150

120

850

950

Junk Yard Dogs NORTH

275

250

2000

3000

Desert Dawgs NORTH

400

350

3000

3500

Beef Gravy All-Stars CENTRAL

-120

-300

250

250

Avengers CENTRAL

110

-150

600

650

Weekend Warriors CENTRAL

200

100

1000

1200

Sidewinders CENTRAL

250

150

1250

1500

Chefs CENTRAL

450

350

1800

2000

Desperados SOUTH

115

-175

350

500

GSW Rule SOUTH

125

-150

450

600

DA BOYZ FROM NYC SOUTH

150

-125

700

1000

Fearsome Foursome SOUTH

150

-125

900

1200