Wynner’s Weekly “CJ’s and Beasts”, Week Seven edition!

Welcome to the Wynner’s Weekly Fantasy “CJ’s and Beasts”, week seven edition. A quick reminder the “CJ’s” are named after the biggest under-performer of the 2011 fantasy season, running back Chris Johnson, aka CJ268. Conversely, the “Beasts” are the anti-Chris Johnson’s better known as players who sack up for their fantasy owners.

Disclaimer: The “CJs” are subject to a name change, based on Chris Johnson finishing any single week in the running back top three.

Now that you’ve stop laughing at the disclaimer, let’s get on with the column.

CJ268 Update Week Seven

Eighteen yards against the “surprisingly” stout Texans defense. 18 yards! 18! Even the Seahawk, running out of bounds version of Franco Harris could muster more than 18 yards!

This post game comment from Texans linebacker Bryan Cushing tells us all we need to know:

“He (CJ268) is one of those guys who is a home run hitter. If you hit him early, I think it kind of deters him a little bit,”

Man, could Cushing be any more degrading to CJ268? For starters, he basically calls Johnson a pu$$y by stating that a solid early hit deters him. The reality is in 2011, CJ268 doesn’t get hit; he falls down before contact. Also, Cushing called CJ268 one-dimensional, the Dave Kingman of running backs.

This is old news if you have had the misfortune of owning CJ268 this season, in fact you’ve probably been through the five stages of grief, mourning the loss of your, likely, first round pick:

Denial (Weeks 1 and 2) – He will come around, he just needs a couple weeks to get into shape. He will be a terror in the fantasy playoffs and that’s when you want his “A” game.

Anger (Weeks 2 and 3) – I will never forgive those “D-Bags” who let CJ268 slide to the point where I had no choice but to take him. Why does that always happen to me? I cannot catch break!

Bargaining (Weeks 4 and 5) – Maybe I can package CJ268 with another mid-range, forgettable player and get Arian Foster. At this point CJ268 isn’t CJ2K, but even if he becomes CJ1.3K, that would be 100 yards per game. Someone will buy that, right?

Depression (Week 6) – CJ268 is not coming back, is he? I just spent all week in a dark room, laying in bed with the drapes drawn wearing my CJ268 jersey.

Acceptance (Week 7) – It’s okay, I will be okay, I will find a way to win with the waiver week du jour. I no longer will have irrational, obsessive thoughts of ending CJ268’s season with a billy club and brass knuckles.

The heat on CJ268 is turned up as he basically called out his O-Line this week by telling the Tennessee media that “He’s not the problem.” Therefore, I would be shocked if we don’t see CJ268’s best game of 2011 this week against the Colts. I think his ego is bruised and CJ268 figures that the Colts will present very little resistance. After which, he will do the 2011 version of flipping off everyone (like me) who doubted him, by taking to Twitter to harshly call out his detractors. Then in week nine he will revert to CJ268 form, figuring that week eight bought him another seven weeks of “crapping the bed”!

Good luck CJ268 owners, we are in this together!

A reminder on the scoring system in use is as follows:

  • touchdowns 6 points;
  • .04 point per yard passing;
  • .1 ppy rushing/receiving;
  • points per receptions – .25 RB/.50 WR/1.00 all others;
  • -1 per int; -3 for int return for TDs;
  • Defenses
    • 3 points for turnovers, 2 for sacks, .02 points per punt return yards, .04 points per KO yards; 3 points for blocked kicks;
    • -.5 point for points allowed; scaled points for yards allowed from 10 for less than 50 yards allowed to -5 for more than 500 yards allowed.

Ok, here are the 10 fantasy CJ’s for week seven; players who thought it would be funny to drop frozen dog turds in the punch bowl:

  1. Bill Cundiff, PK BAL

1 Fantasy Point

Position Place: 24th

Start Pct: 91.74%

I generally leave kickers out of fantasy discussions, but Cundiff’s performance this past week was special, especially when 92% of fantasy owners started the guy and his single point. And with the game being on Monday, I am certain there were fantasy players who lost by less than a point because Cundiff didn’t produce. It’s definitely not his fault he didn’t put up more points, but since when are fantasy football owners rational!

Going forward – Cundiff will be fine as long as the Ravens don’t play a mediocre AFC South team on the road. Whew! I just checked the Ravens schedule and they are done with AFC South road games.

 

  1. Greg Olsen, TE CAR

1.4 Fantasy Points

Position Place: 42nd

Start Pct: 68.77%

One lousy catch and four lousy yards. You know it’s a bad week when you get out-scored by Logan Paulsen!

Going forward – Considering I think that Cam Newton’s arm is about to fall off from over-use, Olsen owners should consider any other viable alternative.

 

  1. Miles Austin, WR DAL

2.6 Fantasy Points

Position Place: 61st

Start Pct: 99.28%

Miles was the 8th most started player in fantasy this week. And the reward for that investment – an Enronian-like performace.

Going forward – Chalk it up to the Rams being so inept on both sides of the ball that the Cowboys didn’t need to throw the ball.

 

  1. Matt Hasselbeck, QB TEN

5.16 Fantasy Points

Position Place: 16th

Start Pct: 47.60%

Shhh, do you smell that? It’s Matt Hasselbeck’s career about to vanish before our eyes. The Jake Locker-era begins in T-Minus 1 game.

 

I would love to know if the 47.60 start percentage for Matty this week was because a regular quarterback was on bye or was it because that many actually think Hasselbeck is a legitimate quarterback.

Going forward – Matty shouldn’t be on a roster right going forward.

  1. Curtis Painter, QB IND

-0.22 Fantasy Points

Position Place: 32nd

Start Pct: 52.44%

I can hear fantasy owner right now – “Brady’s on bye, I need a QB. Hey, what about Painter? He has averaged 20 points a game since taking over for Collins; and you can throw on the Saints.”

Going forward – Painter shouldn’t be on a fantasy roster, much less in a starting lineup.

  1. Ray Rice, RB BAL

7.55 Fantasy Points

Position Place: 26th

Start Pct: 99.67%

Here a list of reasons Ray Rice, likely, cost 99.67% of fantasy owners their fantasy games this week – a. He was thrown off by the long week; b. Ray (and the rest of the Raven offense) was hung over from the Sunday trip to Miami to watch the “miracle in Miami”; c. The Jaguars over watered the field to slow down the Ravens; and d. Ray fell prey to the pressure of the game within the game – the “butt plug” running back matchup. Whatever the cause, Ray stunk up the joint this weekend.

Going forward – Good news is on the horizon, the Cardinals go to Baltimore this week.

  1. Green Bay, DT

-1.4 Fantasy Points

Position Place: 19th

Start Pct: 95.61%

The Packers were a little too casual late in the game on Sunday and it cost them a chance to post positive fantasy points. They haven’t been a great fantasy defense this season, but you had to think facing a rookie they would force some turnovers and hold the Vikings points down.

Going forward – These mobile, rookie quarterbacks are little too frisky for the defending Super Bowl champs, remember what Cam Newton did to them in week two.

 

  1. Rashard Mendenhall, RB PIT

3.95 Fantasy Points

Position Place: 46th

Start Pct: 95.60%

Rashard was back to being the pathetic, inconsistent, CJ-esque Rashard on Sunday. And after I labeled him with a “BOOM” last week. As if I was having a bad “football” year with my picks. However, in fairness to him was matched up against the 00s Minnesota defense. Not!

Going forward – Mendenhall has found himself in the “CJs” a few times this season. Hmm. “The Mendy’s and The Beast’s”, I like the sound of that! Rashard is a huge fan of CJ268’s continued poor performance.

  1. Tennessee, DT

-20.12 Fantasy Points

Position Place: 31st

Start Pct: 53.67%

It’s a new record – two players in the top 10 and the “Suck list” namesake on the same team. I really, really hate this Titans team. I think they are who I thought they were; which is very mediocre to below average team with two play-makers. The problem is one of the play-makers is too busy figuring out how to spend his 53.5 mill and the other is out for the season.

Going forward – Don’t be surprised if the Titans post another sub-10 point total against the hapless Colts this week.

 

  1. Ryan Torrain, RB WAS

-0.5 Fantasy Points

Position Place: 95th

Start Pct: 65.67%

Tim Hightower gets hurt and Torrain nets just two carries. And, just to rub it in, he posts a -5 yards in those two carries.

Going forward – This is Mike Shanahan at his finest, playing the rope-a-dope with fantasy owners. Guess what? This week it is Helu with chance to shine, right? Wrong, evil Mike will load up Torrain with 30 carries for 150 yards. Forget this situation.

 

And now for the guys who spent the entire night cleaning the punch bowl and making more punch, the Beasts! Each player is categorized in either a “Bust”, one week wonder; or “Boom”, look for this player to continue dropping bombs like a Labrador after help themselves to the family pantry:

  1. Fred Davis, TE WAS

20.00 Fantasy Points

Position Place: 2nd

Start Pct: 82.85%

Thankfully, Cooley, with the blackmail pictures he has of Shanahan in a compromising situation, is out of the way. The Redskins are much better with Fred as a primary target. Boom.

 

  1. Plaxico Burress, WR NYJ

22.5 Fantasy Points

Position Place: 3rd

Start Pct: 34.05%

My favorite part of fantasy football is the total lack of consistency at the wide receiver position. Why is that my favorite part? Because I love seeing a player destroy an owner’s team for a few fantasy weeks with CJ-like duds, but when the owner sends him to the bench, he goes off. OK, so now “He’s back”, but then once inserted back in the lineup he comes up small again. Of course, I love see this happen to other teams, but whine like a 14 year old girl when it happens to me. Oh, and by the way, I just described Plax to a tee this season, translation this is the week he returns to Bust-city!

 

  1. Christian Ponder, QB MIN

19.7 Fantasy Points

Position Place: 2nd

Start Pct: 81.66%

This was over-heard in the Vikings locker room after the game – “Dude, that was the first time all year I didn’t have to pull a muscle to try and catch a pass. Man, those passes were right in my hands, I forgot what that felt like.” Yup, the Donovan McNabb era is officially over. Boom!

 

  1. Marques Colston, WR NO

25.3 Fantasy Points

Position Place: 1st

Start Pct: 95.97%

Colston must have read the column last week where I labeled him a bust. Thanks for reading, Marques! Anyway, “down three spots this week on America’s top fantasy players …Marques Colston!” Maybe Marques is returning to his rookie form when he was unstoppable, however, I still think the Saints have too many weapons for Colston to consistently put up the top 5 numbers. Bust.

    

  1. Darren Sproles, RB NO

24.2 Fantasy Points

Position Place: 4th

Start Pct: 84.31%

I read somewhere that Sproles had a goal this season to out-rush Chris Johnson; I guess he figured he would win the rushing title by doing that. Unfortunately, that goal is a little like my goal of taking my next breath, which I have successfully achieved over 200 million straight times. In short, Darren, much like me, you need a new, loftier goal. Boom!

  1. Tim Tebow, QB DEN

26.94 Fantasy Points

Position Place: 5th

Start Pct: 66.51%

Broncos fan has a Teboner for Tim Tebow after the miraculous comeback against Miami on Sunday. You know what is getting really old? This whole Tim Tebow is “so religious” thing. Tebow is not one bit religious, he does, however, have tremendous faith. And, yes, there is a huge difference between faith and religion!

 

All I can say about Tebow’s performance I would not get used to it. The Dolphins can’t finish taking a dump, let alone an NFL football game. Tebow will regress to his mean of about 5 points a game. Bust!

 

  1. Demarco Murray, RB DAL

31.3 Fantasy Points

Position Place: 2nd

Start Pct: 78.27%

It is always nice to see the “hot free agent” pick-up actually pan out, as there was a fair amount of FAAB money spent on Demarco last week. If you’re like me then you hate seeing a fantasy owner blow his entire FAAB on a guy one week, only to have the same player back on waivers in a couple weeks. Murray is the Cowboys running back of the present, so definitely he is a Boom, but also remember that Felix Jones has a “Jerry Jones auto-graphed Arkansas Razorback Alumni card”, which entitles him to unlimited playing time, regardless of how bad he sucks. “You don’t have one of these, do you, Demarco?”

 

  1. Kansas City, DEF

40.48 Fantasy Points

Position Place: 1st

Start Pct: 33.13%

33.13 percent of fantasy owners started the Chiefs this week!?! I realize not every league has a strict defensive scoring system like the one I use for this column, but one third of all fantasy owners started a defense that had totaled -32 points for previous five games? Wow, just wow, what’s that old saying, “it’s better to be stupid and lucky. . .” Bust. Fluke game, fluke defense, the schedule is tough down the stretch.

 

  1. Drew Brees, QB NO

43.00 Fantasy Points

Position Place: 1st

Start Pct: 98.62%

Three Saints were in Beast mode this past week. I guess that’s what it is like playing the Colts. See CJ268! Boom.

 

  1. Arian Foster, RB HOU

42.65 Fantasy Points

Position Place: 1st

Start Pct: 98.80%

Look out, Arian finally has his legs. Hmm, he missed most of the training camp and a few games to open the season, but he is in football shape by week seven, yet Chris Johnson is still struggling with his conditioning. Hmm, Arian must be a freak of nature. Boom

 

Colin Wynner calls it the way he sees it regardless of how much CJ268 dislikes it!

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