Wynner’s Weekly Fantasy CJ’s and Beasts, Week 3 Edition

Welcome to the Wynner’s Weekly Fantasy Beauties, CJ’s and Beasts, week three edition. As promised last week, the column is now officially known as the CJ’s and Beasts, thanks to CJ98, aka, Chris Johnson and his anemic 98 total yards rushing this season, yeah, that’s not a single game, that’s over three games. It was at the point where I either needed to start charging CJ98 rent for taking up the number one position every week or just give in and name the column after him. I chose the latter.

We can also start using CJ as a verb; which can mean getting abused in any type of deal. Like “Yo, dude, you just got CJ’d by that used car salesman”, when you drive off the lot with a lemon.

What exactly is wrong with Chris Johnson? Well, I’ve been checking my sources and, while I don’t have a definite answer, I have managed to compile list of the 10 most likely reasons Chris Johnson has killed every fantasy team he is on this season.

  1. The 53.5 million dollars was based on past performance, if you want current or future performance you need to pony up more dough.
  2. To avoid embarrassment both the Titans front office and CJ decided not to disclose the fact that Johnson strained his back while signing his 53.5 million dollar check.
  3. The Titans offensive line refuses to block for him after him promised them all Rolex’s but delivered merely Seiko’s (53.5 doesn’t go as far as CJ thought)
  4. Due to missing all of training camp, CJ98 is really only in second pre-season game shape. Just wait patiently two more weeks while he gets his legs and then you’ll see!
  5. Eight of the 12 owners in CJ’s fantasy league drafted two quarterbacks before CJ98 could get his first, forcing him to go with Hasselbeck.
  6. Generally, this would be the spot where one might be tempted to make comment about a feminine injury causing problems, but that won’t happen here. It would be totally un-called for to suggest that a bruised vagina that what is limiting his production. I just won’t do it.
  7. CJ98 and his agent were so gleeful over the 53.5 million, that they over-looked a clause that called for Johnson donate $100 for every rushing yard gained this season to the Titans foundation. He is trying to find out if he rushes for negative yards, do the Titans have to reimburse him.
  8. It’s all Munchak’s fault. He totally changed the blocking scheme, which has totally screwed up CJ98’s ability to be successful.
  9. It’s all Hasselbeck’s fault. He is such an egomaniac, he can’t stand to share the spotlight with anyone, so he is tipping the defense off every time it’s a run, so he can throw, throw, throw.
  10. CJ98 is moonlighting which is interfering with his Titans job. The second job? He is the GC on remodeling his kitchen.

Where do we find answers for this guy who seems destined to be the biggest bust in fantasy football history? Well, fortunately we live in a time when information in plentiful and CJ98 has a twitter account. Three of his tweets caught my attention:

They love u to hate u to love u again”

They never really love u, but man they can bring the hate. True dat!

“Got to keep pushing”


Is that what you call the first three weeks, pushing? Hmm, it looks more like the opposite of pushing – pulling, as in pulling up or, in other words, falling down.

At least we still winning will get this fixed very soon”

This is by far my favorite of the three tweets. Actually, CJ98 “we” aren’t winning, in fact, we as in fantasy owner and you, are getting are ass kicked because of the gaping hole you have left in our lineup for the first three weeks!

I am a fair dude, so I will give CJ98 a way out especially since I have received loads of hate mail from Frank Gore owners claiming that the “beauts” should be renamed to the Gore’s. Yup, CJ98, there is a waiting list behind, so here is what you need to do – finish any week in the top 3 amongst RB and you’re out! Look for the name change, oh say about 2012!

Counting backwards here are the 10 fantasy CJ’s for week three, players who let down their fantasy owner, employer, country and God! But they made CJ98 proud:

  1. Deion Branch, WR NE

0.0 Fantasy Points

Position Place: 97th

Start Pct: 80.08%

You know it’s a tough fantasy week when you tie Colin Wynner in fantasy points (if Brady would only look to me, man I can catch!).

Going forward – Branch is most likely a #3 or #4 for most fantasy teams, so you can afford a clunker here and there from that position!


  1. Philadelphia Eagles DT

Negative Fantasy Points

Position Place: 27th

Start Pct: 89.52%

I might be old school, but I still think that the ability to tackle should be a skill that every defender possesses. Apparently that is not the philosophy of the Eagles.

Going forward – Find another defense NOW! The Eagles linebackers are atrocious. And the strength of their defense is their corners, but opposing teams have figured out how to neutralize that strength by playing with base packages (just 2 WR and 2 Corners).


  1. Frank Gore, RB SF

4.2 Fantasy Points

Position Place: 39th

Start Pct: 87.96%

Remember at the end of Godfather III when Michael slumps over his chair, falls to the ground and dies. That’s about where Gore’s career is right now. It’s over Frankie, you’re done.

Going forward – If you enjoy 5-8 point weeks out of a fantasy running back, then continue plugging Gore into your lineup. If not, grab Kendall Hunter and enjoy watching fantasy points pile up.


  1. Hakeem Nicks, WR NYG

4.0 Fantasy Points

Position Place: 60th

Start Pct: 84.52%

Hakeem had Nnamdi on him all game so that was clearly a contributing factor. Plus, you have to figure Nicks would’ve got more work had one of the ten Eagles that had a chance to tackle Victor Cruz would have actually brought him down. In addition, Brandon Jacobs caught a 40 yard touchdown pass. Yes that Brandon Jacobs! That is 114 yards would have possibly been distributed to other Giants receivers had the Eagles played merely below average defense instead utterly incompetent defense.

Going forward – Nicks will be fine, but I would temper the talk of him being a top-5 guy.


  1. DeSean Jackson, WR PHI

4.3 Fantasy Points

Position Place: 59th

Start Pct: 92.04%

Kudos to the 7.96 percent of fantasy owners who had the wherewithal to bench DeSean, despite the gaudy numbers he has tacked on the Giants in the past.

Going forward – If CJ98 gets his act together DeSean is a serious candidate to take his place. With the O-line situation in Philly, Vick isn’t getting the time to throw the deep balls to Jackson, meaning 60% Jackson fantasy points have disappeared. Wait for a big game, then dump him for .75 on the dollar.


  1. NY Jets, DT

Negative Fantasy Points

Position Place: 28th

Start Pct: 93.38%

My favorite part of Sunday was the back-to-back trick plays by the Raiders against the Jets. The first was a halfback pass by McFadden, where no one was opee. No big deal, McFadden calmly ran through the Jets defense for 25 yards. On the very next play, rookie Denarius Moore gets the ball on a WR reverse and weaves through the Jet defense like they were cardboard cut-outs en-route to a 30 yard touchdown. Ball game!

Going forward – The Jets are still an elite defense. My guess is they got caught looking ahead to the Ravens/Patriots games coming up.


  1. Steve Smith, WR CAR

2.5 Fantasy Points

Position Place: 75th

Start Pct: 97.25%

Whoa, 97% of owners started Smith the past week. Yup, it two weeks for fantasy owners to fully trust Smith and then BOOM!

Going forward – He is nowhere near week one, but will be an effective starter going forward.


  1. Phillip Rivers, QB SD

8 Fantasy Points

Position Place: 26th

Start Pct: 95.4%

Needless to mention it, but Phillip killed his owners this week. And to be honest he hasn’t looked that good this season. It might be no Antonio Gates, it might be as simple as it’s September and the Chargers don’t begin playing football until October. Whatever it is, this week was very disappointing.

Going forward – I think he will be fine, right, he has to be, right? I think so.

  1. Rashard Mendenhall, RB PIT

3.7 Fantasy Points

Position Place: 35th

Start Pct: 95.12%

The 4.88% of owners that benched Mendenhall had to forget to submit a lineup, right? After all it’s the Colts, a notoriously terrible run defense that had already given up 136.5 yards per game this season. And of course, they dominate and hold Mendenhall under 50 rushing!

Going forward – Mendy doesn’t catch passes, so if he doesn’t find the endzone and post 100+ he is pretty much worthless. The Colts were fired up to play that game, but the Pittsburgh O-Line is a mess and that is a concern for Mendy going forward.


  1. Michael Turner, RB Atl

2.0 Fantasy Points

Position Place: 57th

Start Pct: 97.65%

Turner is another guy who if he doesn’t find the end zone is pretty much worthless, but 20 yards, Mike, really?

Going forward – Atlanta isn’t very good. Plus, teams have figured out that if they take Turner out of the game and hit Matt Ryan early, they have a great chance to contain that offense. So, I guess, yeah, I am worried about Turner.


Enough of focusing on the fantasy losers, let’s talk fantasy beasts for week three! Here are the top 10 fantasy beasts for last week, with a category of either Pretender (don’t expect this to happen again) or Fo’ Real (dude’s legit):


  1. Eli Manning, QB NYG

34.0 Fantasy Points

Position Place: 3rd

Start Pct: 17.79%

Too bad only 17.79% of fantasy teams were able to experience Manning’s best game of 2011. Pretender.


  1. Victor Cruz, WR NYG

30.5 Fantasy Points

Position Place: 4th

Start Pct: 15.44%

How would you have liked to be the opponent of the 15.44% teams that played Victor Cruz on Sunday? You might have died from laughter until the Eagles tried to love him to the ground on that 74 yard touchdown. You probably didn’t see the second touchdown because you had to run out to get a new remote before your wife got home. Pretender.



  1. Dan Bailey, PK Dall

18 Fantasy Points

Position Place: 1st

Start Pct: 57.87%

Another classic fantasy game story – fantasy dude is playing Bailey on Monday and has a 17 point lead. It’s a lock! Yeah, I bet there were a few bad beats this week. All kickers are Pretenders.


  1. Calvin Johnson, WR Det

26.3 Fantasy Points

Position Place: 3rd

Start Pct: 99.19%

The highest start percentage amongst all fantasy players this week. I guess only .81% listened to me about benching Johnson due to new entry in the “Shutdown” corner club, Antoine Winfield. Johnson is on pace for 32 Touchdowns, uh, that’s definitely Fo’ Real.


  1. Ron Gronkowski, TE NE

26.4 Fantasy Points

Position Place: 2nd

Start Pct: 96.92%

The Gronk is now on my list of players I don’t want to face in the playoffs. Fo’ Real.

  1. Joe Flacco, QB BALT

34.0 Fantasy Points

Position Place: 1st

Start Pct: 29.54%

Maybe Flacco is going to turn the corner and become a legitimate fantasy quarterback. Or maybe it was just the Rams. Pretender


  1. Darren McFadden, RB Oak

29.1 Fantasy Points

Position Place: 1st

Start Pct: 95.49%

The biggest hurdle standing in the way of McFadden destroying the NFL rushing record (2,148) is an injury. Mark it down if McFadden stays healthy for 16 games, he sets a new record for rushing in a single season. And, yeah, I don’t want to face this guy in the playoffs either. Fo’ Real.


  1. Jermichael Finley, TE GBP

33.7 Fantasy Points

Position Place: 1st

Start Pct: 84.18%

When I watch Finley play, I fell like there is no way you can stop this guy. No single player can cover him one on one – if you try a linebacker, he will run by him, try a DB, he out-muscle him. About the only way would be to double team him and force McCarthy to go elsewhere. Even then, Finley is likely to come down with the ball. Fo’ Real.


  1. Torrey Smith, WR BALT

36.2 Fantasy Points

Position Place: 1st

Start Pct: 0%

Not one owner started Torrey Smith this past week. I wish I could bet on prop bets like “Torrey Smith won’t finish in the top 10 amongst WR in any single week for the remainder of the season”. Oh yeah, he will be the hottest of the hot free agent pick-ups this week, but soon he will back on the wire. Pretender


  1. Wes Welker, WR NEP

41.7 Fantasy Points

Position Place: 1st

Start Pct: 96.76%

I was hoping that the Fred Jackson play at the end of the Patriots/Bills game was ruled a touchdown, so we could watch the Pats come back down score a tying touchdown to send the game into overtime. Let’s think about what kind of numbers Welker would have had given that scenario. Maybe 23-300-3? That is insane for a any players, but especially for a slot guy like Welker. But dude will never have more value than he does now, so dump for 1.25 on the dollar. He will be consistently good, but never will he put up these type of numbers again. Pretender.


When it comes to fantasy past, current and futures, Colin Wynner calls the fantasy winners!

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