Wynner’s Weekly Fantasy Beauties and Beasts

Welcome to the first weekly edition of Wynner’s Weekly Fantasy Beauties and Beasts. Each week I will identify ten Fantasy Beauties and ten Fantasy Beasts from the previous weekend. The fantasy beauties represent players who did so little to help their fantasy teams that they didn’t need a shower at the end of their game, they were still beautiful!

Fantasy beasts are players who surprisingly brought a lot to the table for the week, much like Beast himself, who though hideous in appearance, was beautiful on the inside, thoughtful, caring and intelligent. Inner beauty, baby, as in inner the end zone, chief!

Counting backwards here are the 10 fantasy beauties for week 1, they look marvelous:

10. Owen Daniels, TE HOU (1-12) – In fairness, the Texans blew out the Colts so there wasn’t much need for Daniels’ pass catching skills. Unfortunately, team wins didn’t help the owners who started Daniels. Going forward – Daniels will be fine and if you watched what the Patriots tight ends did versus Miami Monday, he most likely rights the ship this weekend against the Fish.

9. Matt Ryan, QB ATL (319 yards, 1 INT) – And we all thought that adding Julio Jones was going to make “Matty Ice” a top tier quarterback. Going forward – With the Falcons defense, Matty is going to have plenty of opportunities to post big numbers, but if he finds his name on this list again, he would be a candidate to move before his value gets too low.

8. Dwayne Bowe, WR KC (2-17) – The Chiefs are a mess, and Bowe is not consistent enough to be a big time fantasy wide receiver. Going forward – Move Bowe now, do not pass Go, do not collect $200! Hopefully, you can get .50 on the dollar! Believe me Bowe will be on clearance in a couple of weeks. But if you are too stubborn to accept your mistake, then keep playing this guy waiting for the inevitable 10-130-3 game that will account for over 50% of his total season points.

7. Shonn Greene, RB NYJ (10-26, 1-7) – The worst part for Greene owners isn’t the terrible week one numbers but the fact that Tomlinson looked like his old self. And Greene has never had an “old self” to look like, he’s mired in mediocrity. Going forward – Not time to panic quite yet, but temper the expectations for this season.

6. Rashard Mendenhall, RB PIT (12-45) – The big concern with Mendy is that he doesn’t play of third down, almost as if it’s in his contract. That presents two problems – 1. He never gets those garbage 12 yard runs on the 3rd and 18 draw plays; and 2. He doesn’t catch any passes. Not getting the receiving yards means that Mendy is worthless unless he finds the end zone. Going forward – He certainly shouldn’t be on your “untouchable” list. The Steelers just lost starting right tackle Willie Colon, so you might want to wait for a couple decent games and dump him on another owner. The Steelers get the Seahawks and the Colts in the next two weeks. That should do the trick – dump him on the high for a under-achiever like maybe Arian Foster.

5. Larry Fitzgerald, WR ARIZ (3-62) – Based on Fitz’ draft position, owners had to be bitterly disappointed in the modest 3-62 effort. But he did have Chris Gamble on him the entire game. Gamble? Who is the hell is that? You have to be kidding me that the Cardinals didn’t want to challenge Chris Gamble. Oh, that tricky Whisenhunt and his offensive staff refusing to attempt to throw on Gamble. I am really starting to believe Whisenhunt sucks as a coach! I mean I could’ve taken the 2008 Cardinals to the Super Bowl, you had Kurt Warner playing at his highest level, with Fitzgerald at his highest level. I guess Cardinals fans should be glad that they didn’t encounter Chris Gamble on their way to the Super Bowl, hey, wait a minute, that’s right they crushed Gamble and the Panthers in those playoffs. Yeah, but Fitz didn’t do … ok enough, I think you get my point. Going forward – Fitzgerald will be just fine, provided the Cardinals coaches have the balls to challenge stalwart corners such as Carlos Rogers, Bradley Fletcher and Marcus Trufant.

4. Pittsburgh DT (35 Points Allowed) – The Steelers were the first defense off the board in the majority of leagues and they provided an immediate turd sandwich in return. Yip, they really gave it to fantasy owners in leagues that penalized points allowed. Going forward – It’s too early to panic, but moderate concern with a nice backup plan is recommended. They still have four games with the Bengals and Browns, plus the Colts, Titans and Jaguars, those should be dominate performances. However, on the flip side, you might want find a replacement when they play the Texans (week 5) and Pats (week 8).

3. LaGarrette Blount, RB TB (5-15) – Fifteen yards? Really, LaGarrette? Do I need to get that Boise State player to get up in your grill to get you going? I think it is safe to assume that Blount killed just about every fantasy team he was on this week. Going forward – I didn’t like him coming into the year, week one did nothing but reinforce that opinion. Sell him if you can find an owner who is either really dumb or doesn’t pay attention.

2. Vincent Jackson, WE SD (2-31) – I cannot imagine how a guy as physical as Vincent Jackson could possibly be held to 2 for 31. I mean you’d think Chris Gamble was on him or something. Going forward – Week one is basically a joke in fantasy; it’s where you see teams get wins that might not win another game. V-Jax is still going to put up 85-1200-12 this season, now you’ll get that in 15 weeks as opposed to 16. Good news!

1. Chris Johnson, RB TEN (9-24, 6-25) – CJ2K gets the nod as the #1 fantasy beauty for his lack of performance in week one. To be fair, It wasn’t just the lack of production, but the lackluster effort and his overall approach. If I didn’t know any better I would think CJ2K was more worried about how to spend that extra 50 million he just got, than earning that money with an honest day’s work. Going forward – It’s simple, until further notice CJ2K is known as CJ200, because at his current pace and effort will is more likely to finish the season with 200 yards than 2,000. My opinion is that this guy is going to be a gigantic bust this season. And right now you can’t get much for him. Oh sure, there will be a saavy owner who will offer you the pile of horse manure for him, but you’ll never get the spent value.

Here are the top 10 fantasy beasts for week one, with a category of either Pretender (don’t expect this to happen again) or Fo’ Real (dude’s legit):

10. Sebastian Janikowski, K OAK (14 fantasy points) – Very appropriately in the beast section, but in all seriousness, did you see the 63 yard field goal? Wow, that thing was drilled and cut the wind like a perfectly thrown discus. I was all over the owner who drafted this guy in the 12th round, but I have to say this guy might be the only kicker in the history of the NFL worth that high of a pick (me and Al Davis are tight). How valuable is a guy who any time the Raiders get in their opponents territory they are field goal range, plus Jason Campbell is a terrible red zone quarterback meaning he will have loads of attempts. Fo’ Real

9. Darren McFadden, RB OAK (150, 1-6 and a non-TD TD) – McFadden is a already a fantasy star, so he shouldn’t be here, right? Wrong, this guy is the guy, I mean like the top guy, the guy who will lead the NFL in rushing and running backs in fantasy points. Yeah, he’s that good! And if the Raiders figure out that he can be a great goal-line back, it would take a completely inept owner not to win his fantasy championship if McFadden is on his team. Fo’ Real

8. San Francisco DT (34 fantasy points) – Most of the damage was done late in the game when the Seahawks did their best San Diego Charger impersonation, so don’t expect 34 points with Dallas coming to town. Pretender

7. Jermaine Gresham, TE CIN (6-58-1) – He’s the Jermichael Finley of Cincinnati only without the heavy price tag. I will predict right now that Gresham outscores Finley on the season, so, yeah, I guess you could say I think he is Fo’ Real.

6. Beanie Wells, RB ARZ (18-90-1, 4-12) – Remember , that stiff arm Beanie gave Aaron Ross of the Giants in his rookie season. You know the one that would make Marshawn Lynch’s forearm shiver to Tracy Porter in last season’s playoffs look like foreplay. Well, Beanie was in that mode all game long. He is going to be huge this season, something along the lines of 1100-13. Fo’ Real.

5. Darren Sproles, RB NO (2-7, 7-75, 1 TD) – Here’s the deal with Sproles, for what the Saints like to do he should be playing more. He is a perfect fit for that offense and I can see him continuing to produce double digits every game. Logically, it doesn’t make sense and one would think that he isn’t capable of those thype of numbers but after one game I can see the potential. Sproles owners can only hope that Coach Payton can as well. Fo’ Real.

4. Scott Chandler, TE BUF (5-63-2) – Anyone want to bet that Chandler ends the season with 4 TDs? Yeah, that pretty much means this guy is a Pretender.

3. Steve Smith, WR CAR (8-178-2) – I thought the Carolina Steve Smith was dead! To put it in perspective, 77 yards, 1 catch and 1 TD came against the seven-man sled coverage. The Cardinals secondary isn’t very good (they need Chris Gamble badly) and Newton’s not that accurate, therefore, I would temper my expectations of Smith. Pretender

2. Cam Newton, QB CAR (422-2, 18-1) – I would be surprised if Newton threw for 422 yards in his next two games combined. He’s a rookie; he faced quite possibly the worst secondary in the NFL; and he was forced to throw in comeback mode. No doubt, he’s going to be good, but this year – Pretender

1. Mike Tolbert, RB SDG (12-35-1, 9-58-2) – That’s where all of V-Jax’s receptions went. A few things are working against Tolbert repeating this performance – 1. He seems a bit injury prone; 2. The Chargers are a vertical passing team, for some reason they just didn’t do that Sunday (maybe the Vikes had cardboard cut-outs for Chris Gamble in the secondary and that scared Rivers away); and 3. Ryan Mathews splits time with and could have just as easily been the recipient of the receiving touchdowns. That aside, I still like him going forward, so Mikey, you’re definitely Fo’ Real.

When it comes to fantasy futures, Colin Wynner calls the fantasy winners!

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